aid Marian and Her Merry Men

Characters

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Marian is the undisputed leader of the Men ... although Robin does sometimes have delusions of grandeur. It is her passion and dream of freedom that keeps the band going. However, she still has some of the humble peasant girl in her; but her romantic side is, most of the time, kept firmly under lock and key. Just because she's a girl doesn't mean she does girly things! Her view that "long hair's for girlies" led to her decision to cut hers short, just prior to robbing the Sheriff of a sack of stickers en route to King John (Tunnel Vision).

Marian hates sexism, male chauvinism, and all forms of discrimination. She has a tendency to be bossy, even acquiring the nickname "bossy-boots" at school, and if truth be known it is probably this as much as anything that keeps her in command of the Men. She also has a temper which rivals that of King John's; a good word of advice is, don't get Marian mad, and if someone else does, run. She's an excellent archer, especially when angry. Also, perhaps because of the attention that Robin recieves but largely bypasses her, Marian can fall prey to flattery -but she's not so stupid as to fall for it twice!

Marian's alternate personality in Voyage to the Bottom of the Forest was a Mother's pride, too silly and girly to do anything "butch" or brave, and with just enough intelligence to boil an egg.

Robin
played by Wayne Morris
Name: Robin of Kensington
aka: Robin Hood
Occupation: Tailor, often to the royal family, since no-one else could afford tailored clothes.
Skills: A true professional, Robin can make any kind of clothes with great skill; although he prefers to make trendy ones... He's also a good singer, and great at coming up with terrible plans.
Joined the Merry Men because: During his flight as Marian's hostage, he accidentally assaulted Graeme, and became an outlaw.
Background: Few people in the village of Worksop had a trade, and certainly none had such distinguished customers as Robin of Kensington. An only child who never realised that a bore is twice as boring when it's obvious he's lying, Robin lived a sheltered life; as a tailor, he made very little money until King John commissioned him to make him some monogrammed long johns. Robin saw this as his big break, but it was the end of his career, as Marian used him and the trousers as underpants to aid her escape.
Robin became an outlaw after accidentally knocking out Graeme, and, despite trying to get out of it, was finally "persuaded" to join the Merry Men since he was already an outlaw. He acquired the name "Robin Hood" when, during the imprisonment of the King, Marian reminded him to put his hood on hide his face: "Robin! Hood!" The name has stuck; particularly since the image of Robin burning the King's trousers was the monarch's first impression of the man he and the sheriff still believe to be a fearsome outlaw (although the Sheriff at least now recognises Marian as the leader of the Men)...

There are few men more cowardly than Robin; Robin has been afraid of tadpoles, poodles, people shouting "boo!", and, in fact, just about everything in Sherwood. There are less brave bones in Robin's body than in a jellyfish. He has done brave things, but only when prompted, and only occassionally with success (and then usually by accident).

This does not make him useless to the men, however; Robin, though not particularly bright, has come up with some pretty good ideas: the horns used by the Men to signal each other, and their green uniforms which "co-ordinate with the trees" were both his. In addition, Robin is a figurehead for the men; even villagers who know them well fall into the trap of seeing Robin as the brave leader, and his popularity and fame has made him into such a celebrity that there are even professional Robin Hood look-a-likes, like Clem Costner. His status among the peasants, and his noteriety with the establishment, have both worked for and against the Men; but by far the biggest problem this perception causes is Robin's own inflated ego, which is all too willing to believe what others say about him.

In any case, Robin is very useful when he overcomes his fear, and he's harmless enough; all he really wants out of life is a new pair of Armani tights and a Gucci quiver.

In Voyage to the Bottom of the Forest, Robin, under the influence of the alternate dimension, became Sherwood's answer to Rambo - a real-life equivalent of his image, brave, strong, and fearless.

Barrington
played by Danny John-Jules
Name: Barrington
Occupation: Barrington is one of life's entrepreneurs; he has been known to sell rats to make a living.
Skills: Keeping cool, singing, juggling; also, a severely underused talent for King John and Sheriff of Nottingham impressions (The Big Baby).
Joined the Merry Men because: He probably shares Marian's dreams of freedom, but more immediately he wanted to be free.
Background: Not much is known about Barrington's past, except that at the time the band got together he was selling rats in Worksop. A rastafarian, it is anyone's guess how Barrington emigrated to England before 1195, but now here's here he's settled in. Despite his ability to be cool, he was nonetheless distressed when the Sheriff arrested him for selling out-of-date rats, and he was sentenced to 500 lines and a month of torture. (He hates lines.)

Next to Marian, Barrington is undoubtedly the smartest of the Merry Men, and is often the only one who can keep up with her. He is also a powerful countering force to Marian's own bossy nature; or at least, I like to think so. :) Barrington loves to sing, and will do so at the slightest opportunity about mud, how boring the day's been, the Men's current activities, and anything esle he can think of.

Barrington became a quivering wreck, unable to cope with any situation, when under the influence of the parallel universe in Voyage to the Bottom of the Forest.

Little Ron
played by Mike Edmonds
Name: Little Ron
Occupation: Well, being as nice as possible - thug.
Skills: A fighting maniac, Little Ron is proficient in the martial arts, in particular the little-known discipline of "Hitting-People-With-A-Club".
Joined the Merry Men because: It was an opportunity to hit people.
Background: All we really know about Little Ron is that he is very violent, a brutal fighter, and, whilst enthusiastic, not very good at following orders. ("Face the front, Little Ron!") For some reason he was attempting to stop people crossing the bridge just outside Worksop when Marian first met him; this was probably just an excuse to hit people.

Ron is the man of action in the group; while Marian and Barrington are planning, Little Ron is all for rushing into the castle and banging a few heads together. While small enough to pass himself off as a child (a fact which has come in handy at least twice), he is possessed of the kind of homicidal streak that would make a Viking berserker proud. His usual plan of attack is to confront someone and hit them very hard with his club (which he carries at all times).

Little Ron is not very subtle.

In the parallel world of Engy-land, (Voyage to the Bottom of the Forest), Little Ron was miraculously transformed into a pacifist, preferring to talk out problems and confident that a big hug would make everyone feel a lot better.

Rabies
played by Howard Lew Lewis
Name: Rabies
Occupation: Most likely village idiot. (He also sells raffle tickets.)
Skills: Immense strength.
Joined the Merry Men because: It was a better life than being in King John's dungeon.
Background: Rabies was arrested by the Sheriff for being in possession of a raffle without a license, and later sentenced to 500 lines and a month's torture along with Barrington. To add to his troubles, Marian's tadpole Edwina was lodged in his nose during the incident, and this made Rabies very uncomfortable and hard to understand (which was a big difference, since it's usually Rabies who doesn't understand).

Rabies possesses that special kind of intelligence only ever granted to the very stupid; when someone says to him "There's no such word as "can't"," his immediate response is "Yes there is...". Slow of mind and slow of deed, Rabies is a great assett to the Men thanks to his incredible strength - he has carried wardrobes, pushed battleships, and searched houses by lifting the rooves off.

As the resident idiot, Rabies has had a pet tree, fallen asleep on the job, and, most stupid of all, fallen in love - twice in as many days!

Strangely, Rabies has come up with one good plan, which the Men used to free Marian and Robin in The Wise Woman of Worksop - no-one knows how he did it, and presumably everyone feels more comfortable not knowing.

In the parallel universe of Voyage to the Bottom of the Forest, Rabies became a genius with the knowledge and know-how of Doctor Who, MacGuyver and Stephen Hawking combined. Scary stuff.

YE BADDIES

King John is not particularly intelligent, and he has only come up with two decent plans; that of the archery contest (Robert the Incredible Chicken), and hiring a look-a-like to destroy Robin's image (Robin the Bad). Generally he lets the Sheriff get on with the thinking. He treats life as one big playground where he is the bully; like all bullies, he is a coward at heart, but supremely confident when things seem to be going his way. He has little patience with Nottingham, and rarely allows excuses; however, without Nottingham is is obvious that he would quickly be defeated.

His favourite threats always follow the basic form of "Do what I tell you, because if you don't, I'll do something horrible to you - UNDERSTAND?!!!"; the specifics of his tortures are always rather ingenious.

In Voyage to the Bottom of the Forest, the alternate universe contained a peasant who bore a striking resemblance to King John, only much nicer.

The Sheriff
played by Tony Robinson
Name: The Sheriff of Nottingham
aka: "Bonecrusher" Jenkins (during a bout of amnesia in The Beast of Bolsover); Arnold (when wooing Marian's Mum in Keeping Mum)
Occupation: Sheriff of Nottingham.
Skills: Fiendishly cunning and clever, he is also quite handy with daggers, swords, and sarcasm.
Background: For as long as anyone can remember, the Sheriff has been the Sheriff, upholding the "law" of the royal family and seeing to it that the King gets his way. That's about all we know, really; he has mentioned a "Mrs. Nottingham", but since he has attempted to get married (to the "Empress of Luxemburg" in Keeping Mum) we can only assume this was a lie, that things haven't worked out between them, or that the Sheriff is slimy enough to leave his current wife at the drop of a hat at the mention of piles of cash.

Infinitely more cunning and easily much more intelligent than the King himself, the Sheriff is the main enemy of the Merry Men. Without his guidance, the King would easily be overthrown, and Gary and Graeme would be little or no threat. The only reason the Sheriff doesn't overthrow the King himself is probably that he knows Richard will return some day, and finding his brother deposed would almost certainly displease him.

The Sheriff's counterpart in Voyage to the Bottom of the Forest's alternate universe was the Notty-man, a friendly official of the law who was very pleased indeed at Rabies' arrival. The Notty-man has a moustache, not a goatee.

Gary played by Mark Billingham Name: Gary Occupation: Castle guard Skills: Reasonably handy with a sword.

Graeme played by David Lloyd Name: Graeme Occupation: Castle guard Skills: Reasonably handy with a sword.

Cunning enemies like the Sheriff of Nottingham have to have stupid henchmen; there's probably a rule about it somewhere. The Sheriff is correspondingly lumbered with Gary and Graeme.

Nice enough lads on their own, Gary and Graeme are "bestest mates" who, if met in other circumstances, you would probably quite like. But they enjoy the job of being a guard and being nasty, and Graeme in particular can be quite horrible to young children.

Gary is the younger and more child-like of the two; he delights in simple things, like Herman his little silver sausage dog on a piece of elastic. Graeme acts like Gary's older brother, looking after him and keeping him out of trouble.

Two men looking very much like Gary and Graeme where present in the alternate universe of Voyage to the Bottom of the Forest, named Gre-Gre and Grey-grey. They weren't all that much different from Graeme and Gary, except that their helmets had wings attached, and their jobs required them to be nice.

Guy
played by Ramsay Gilderdale
Name: Guy of Gisborne
aka: Mr "of Gisborne"
Occupation: Mummy's boy, and member of the royal family.
Skills: Being annoying. Most certainly not music.
Background: Nephew to King John, Guy was sent to live with his uncle by his mother, who had decided it was about time he went out into the big wide world and lived a little. This seems strange since she otherwise dotes on him continuouly and spoils him rotten.

There are no two ways about it, Guy is the most irritating brat you've ever laid eyes on. Stupid, selfish, spoilt and quite often cruel (especially to animals), Guy is the worst thing ever to happen to King John and the Sheriff. The only reason he doesn't pack him off home is that his sister will do "that disgusting thing with a pencil" to him - whatever that is...

Voyage to the Bottom of the Forest introduced us to Princess Guya of Engy-land, a beautiful and reasonably kind young woman who was "thick as two shorts planks", and looked a great deal like Guy. Except that she was a girl, of course.

Rose
played by Siobhan Fogarty
Name: Rose Scargill
aka: "Rotten" Rose
Occupation: No steady job. She has sold draughty double-glazing and shoddy extensions, run talent contests, and been a professional Robin Hood fan. Currently a psuedo-member of the Royal Court.
Skills: Being nasty.
Background: A school "friend" of Marian's, Rose is one of those people who will do anything to get what they want - but only if it involves using and tricking other people. It is therefore hard to understand why she and Marian got on so well together at school - at least, until Rose "stole" Marian's boyfriend (as she sees it), beginning a fued that resulted in them both being expelled. Rose's main reason for hating Marian now is jealousy; despite the way she treats them, it's obvious she'd love to hang out with the Merry Men. It was her jealousy (and her adoration for Robin) which first led her to become an enemy of the Men, instigating a plan to capture Marian and Robin for the Sheriff so that, when Robin was beheaded, she could have the ultimate souveineir. At the same time, she attempted to destory Robin and Marian's friendship (which is tenuous in any case). (Rotten Rose)

Rose is almost as sneaky and cunning as the Sheriff, and the two often get on well together. Her motives are, however, entirely selfish, and unlike the Sheriff Rose will do almost anything for even the slightest personal gain. So far, she has run a crooked "Song for Worksop" competition for driving lessons (Driving Ambition), kidnapped Guy to raise the money for a facial (Tunnel Vision), and helped capture the Merry Men for commission on an extension (Bouncy Sheriff).

Princess Rose the Good was the spitting image of Rose in Voyage to the Bottom of the Forest, the main difference being that the Princess was Good, and Rose Scargill is Bad.

YE PEASANTS

Gladys
played by Hilary Mason
Name: Gladys
aka: The Wise Woman of Worksop. Gladys is also Barrington's "main man"
Occupation: Wise Woman, apparently - although she's under-qualified
Skills: Gladys knows a little witch-craft, and is also handy with a needle and thread.
Background: Her Daddy was something of a magician, or at least an alchemist, and some of his skill at mixing potions and whatnot has been handed down to her. Not a lot of it though... Gladys has apparently known Barrington for some time, as the two have been on first name terms since before the band got together. Some of his coolness has rubbed off on her (Gladys may be a "disgusting old bat" in her father's words, but she's young at heart), and it's not uncommon to hear her end a sentence with "man", describe things as "wicked", or express a wish to "get down".

Gladys, like all the villagers of Worksop, is not very intelligent. But she isn't a classic "nice old lady" peasant either; Gladys readily admits she is old (but hasn't revealed her age, although we know she's well past her forties (which she remembers as when she was a "slip of a girl"), but still wants to embrace life. She's out there with the other villagers being sucked into whatever scheme the Sheriff is hatching, but equally she was one of Robin's groupies and is a tremendous fan of Paul McCartney. Unfortunately though, Gladys has not evaded the afflictions of her advancing years, and she has a bad memory and a grip on logic and reality that an elderly piece of string could wriggle out of.

In Voyage to the Bottom of the Forest, Gladys didn't exist, but in her place was a nasty old wicked witch. There was still some Gladys in this creature though; she enjoyed all-night raves!

Snooker
played by Robin Chandler
Name: Snooker
aka: "Stinker", "Bush-face" and other derogatory nick-names too numerous to mention
Occupation: Snooker runs a take-away in Worksop, which has sold mud and Chinese food. He has also been a driving instructor.
Skills: Er...being a peasant? He sings kareoke with a bit of style, too
Background: Snooker was originally a non-descript peasant until the Sheriff (who called him "Stinker") gave him some wooden balls, some sticks and a wooden triangle and told him to make a game out of it. Presumably someday he will - although it seems just as likely someone else will do it, and use Snooker's name.

Snooker is something of a leader amongst his fellow Worksopites; whenever something bad happens, he is the first to speak out, and he is often the mouthpiece of the community. It is fitting then that the mouthpiece has as little brains as the rest of them...

Snooker is remarkable only in that, in every way, he is unremarkable. His one distinguishing feature is his beard, which many have pointed out is like a bush. The definition of peasant should read, after a technical description, "Snooker (the man, not the game)". Snooker has a son, named Young Snooker (although we've never met Mrs. Snooker); he's played by Dale Shoulders.

The witch from Voyage to the Bottom of the Forest was accompanied by an whip-cracking awful Ogre named Sneaker; it's just possible that behind the fangs and bushy eye-brows lurks an alternate version of Snooker.

Nettle
played by Kerry Potter
Name: Nettle
Occupation: Young peasant; although, with her intelligence, she has probably gone on to better things by now.
Skills: Nettle probably isn't all that intelligent; but compared to the other citizens of Worksop (and most of the Merry Men, for that matter), she's a regular Stephen Hawking.
Nettle featured in series two, in all the episodes except The Worksop Egg Fairy; quite appropriate really, since the villagers are more dense in this episode than almost any other, and she just wouldn't have fitted in.

Weasel
played by John Dallimore
Name: Weasel
aka:
Occupation: Prisoner; previously a highwayman
Skills: Being tortured and (surprisingly) escaping
Background: Weasel was originally the older sidekick of the vile Beast of Bolsover; he was captured by the Sheriff after Rabies dropped a wardrobe on him, and now languishes in the King's combined dungeon and torture chamber.

Weasel is a bit, well, strange. He much prefers life in John's dungeon to that of the outside world; he says it's safer and the meals, though barely adequate, are regular. Besides, he and Walter frequently get down off the wall and hide in their tunnel for a spot of tea. The only thing he really can't stand is King John and the guards' lack of talent when it comes to torture.

Walter
played by Alastair Galbraith
Name: Walter
Occupation: Prisoner
Skills: Being tortured and (again, surprisingly) escaping
Background: Walter used to live in Worksop twenty years ago, but he was arrested for an unknown crime and has never looked back. Well...he did go back once, but he didn't stay for long.

Like Weasel, Walter prefers the indoors life - preferably the kind that involves thumbscrews and hanging from walls.

Snooker thinks Walter has his phillip's-head screwdriver...

Gladys's Dad
played by Roger Ostime
Name: Daddy (we don't know what else)
Occupation: Prisoner; previously, he was an alchemist, magician or warlock of some description
Skills: Being tortured and mixing potions
Gladys's Dad is a very old man, but despite that has not lost his marbles (even though his daughter, Gladys, certainly has), even if he has caught Walter and Weasel's liking for the "indoors life". His recipes, for example those for "sleepy cake" and its antidote, work perfectly - provided, of course, that you follow the instructions...

Little Girl
played by Kellie Bright
Name: We don't know...just call her "little girl"
Occupation: Young peasant
Skills: Next to Nettle, the Little Girl is the brightest yet produced by the otherwise dim inhabitants of Worksop; pity she didn't rub off on them...
The Little Girl featured in series one, in the episodes Robert the Incredible Chicken, A Game Called John and The Miracle of St. Charlene.

Chickweed
played by Karen Salt
Name: Chickweed
Occupation: Young peasant
Skills: Being an adorable (if somewhat filthy) little peasant girl
Chickweed featured in the series four episode Robin the Bad.

Hayley
played by Carly Britnell
Name: Hayley
Occupation: Young peasant
Skills: Spotting fireballs; modelling barrels
Hayley featured in the series three episode They Came From Outer Space. We also met her Mum, played by Nathalie Bennion.

Cowpat
played by Lorraine Parslow
Name: Cowpat ("what a pretty name...")
Occupation: Robin Hood groupie
Skills: Being a disgustingly wet teenage idoliser.
Cowpat featured in the series two episode Rotten Rose part one.

Clough
played by Alan McMahon
Name: Clough
Occupation: Peasant farmer
Skills: Clough is an archer of some note, having competed in the world titles (first round first leg) alongside Robert the Incredible Chicken.
Clough featured in the series one episode Robert the Incredible Chicken, and returned in series two for Rotten Rose part one.

Margaret
played by Sophie Reissner
Name: Margaret
aka: Margaret the Thatcher; Crazy Margaret
Occupation: Thatcher; "If there's a hole in your roof and it's not waterproof, just call for Margaret the Thatcher"
Skills: Thatching. Margaret is also incredibly strong (even more so than Fergi)
Margaret featured in the series two episode Rabies in Love, where she was more forthcoming to Rabies' advances than Fergi.

We have also met Cognut, Sneazle, and Nigel Pargetter (all uncredited), although despite being long-time inhabitants of Worksop we only learnt their names late in the piece. Finally, there was Eric "the Newt" Teazle(also uncredited), the third archer in the world titles (first round, first leg).

Other Characters

When he met the Merry Men, the Beast, along with his elderly sidekick Weasel and his nephew, the Nuisance of Nuneaton (a fat and thoroughly unpleasant young boy played by Philip Neve), was engaged in baditry and highway robbery. His usual tactic, it appears, is to barge in on someone else's successful highwayman racket and bully them so he can take over. He usually finds this is easy; a formidable fighting opponent, the Beast can even defeat Little Ron, and has only been stopped once - by a wardrobe landing on his head!

For no readily apparent reason, the Beast uses "Australian" (or rather mock-Australian) euphemisms, such as "I'd get a better licking from a dead wombat", or "I'll throw you in a billabong full of dead wallabies". Why this should be so is unclear; England had no knowledge of Australia in the 1190s, and in any case the Beast is from England, as evidenced by his childhood with the King...

Fergi
played by Jelena Budimic
Name: Fergi
Occupation: Rich young woman
Skills: Immense strength, maintained through weight training
Background: Daughter of Sir Walter Ferguson, Fergi has everything she could want in life thanks to her family's riches. She is blessed not only with immense strength, but a fair degree of common snese (if not intelligence).

Rabies fell in love with Fergi the instant they met; as the song says, "When a woman is able, to smash up your table"... Fergi, however, was not smitten in quite the same fashion, and by the time Marian talked her into a date with him, Rabies had gone and fallen for Margaret. Hmph - men!

Sir Ferguson
played by John Rapley
Name: Sir Walter Ferguson
Occupation: Lord of the manor and squire of these parts, so to speak; his title may imply that Sir Walter was once a knight
Skills: Being rich
He may be a doddery and frail old man, but Sir Walter is not a complete idiot. He also enjjoys his privacy, and in particular objects to having it disturbed by encyclopaedia salesmen.

King Richard
played by Forbes Collins
Name: King Richard I
aka: The White Knight, the Whitish Knight, and Richard the Lionheart - quite inappropriately, as it turns out... Occupation: Technically, Richard is still King; but practically, he's off commanding the Crusade, and so John is in charge
Skills: Richard is a knight, and given that he isn't dead yet, probably a rather good one.
Reigning monarch of England, Richard is unfortunately not the "dish" that Marian had hoped would save England from the tyrant John. Rather, he is very similar in appearance, and worse is even nastier (probably due to his greater age, experience, and brainpower). If the Merry Men want a kind and just monarch on the throne, they're going to have to look elsewhere...

We only met Richard briefly in The Whitish Knight; he was on his single visit home from the Crusade, in order to check up on his little brother.

Food Inspector
played by Peter Waddington
Name (or rather title): Chief Inspector for the Ministry of Food, Skegness Branch
Occupation: Well...it's a bit obvious, isn't it?
Skills: An uncanny sense for food of the wrong length, size, weight, colour or variety.
The Food Inspector's job seemed to consist solely of measuring bits of food and deciding that they didn't meet some arcane, unknowable restrictions, guidelines or laws which presumably are written down somewhere - most likely the Ministry of Food (Skegness Branch). The said items of food were then "chucked", to use the vernacular.

The most useful thing the Inspector did during his appearance in Raining Forks was to be clobbered by Little Ron and donate his uniform to Marian, who used it as a rather cunning disguise...