Knowledge

Yay! Home at last! School is so stupid. I bet it’s just something grown ups made to keep us away while they have fun all day. Oh well. Opening the door. “Dad! Launchpad! Are you here?” No answer. COOL BEANS! Maybe they went shopping, which means I can check out the tower by myself! Homework can wait. Running to the spinning chair. Punching Basil. WHHEE!!!!! Spinning out the tower end. “Keen gear! Dad got more SHUSH stuff!” Racing over to check it out. Pressing button...wait What’s that? Sounds like someone crying. Listening. It’s coming from the ledge outside. Creeping over. It’s Dad! “Dad? What’s wrong?” He jumps like he’s been stung.
“Gosalyn! PLEASE don’t do that.” He puts a hand to his heart. Being dramatic as always.
“So what’s the matter?” Sometimes you have to ignore his theatrics.
“Nothing.”
“Oh yeah, nothing. You’re just sobbing like the worlds ending and you say NOTHING is wrong? Puh-LEASE!”
He puts his arms out and I jump in. He hugs me and we look at the bay together. He isn’t crying out loud anymore, but every now and then a tear drips onto my beak.
“Come on Dad. You can tell me.”
He sighs and seems to think for awhile.
“I don’t really want to talk about it.” he says gently.
“Daaad, you always tell me talking makes you feel better.” Practice what you preach, father dear. I’m worried Dad. You never cry. Ever. Unless I’m in trouble. But I’m not. Please Dad. I hope he does. He holds me closer.
“Gos, I haven’t talked about it to anyone for about 20 years! And only one person ever knew in the first place.” Silence. “I suppose you’d understand. That’s why I’ve never told LP, he couldn’t.” He’s thinking aloud. Again. He shifts me on his knee so I’m looking at him. His eyes are red, and the feathers around is face are wet. How long has he been here? Where’s Launchpad?
“Gosalyn, I’m going to tell you.” He looks resolute. “You have to see, this hurts me a great deal.” He gestures to his side. “Right here.”
That’s where I hurt!
“You and me, we have a lot of things in common. I was brought up in an orphanage.”
I can hear myself gasp. “Dad! Why didn’t you TELL me?”
“Oh Gosalyn, I had an awful time there. Everybody picked on me.”
I hugged him. “What happened to YOUR parents?”
He closes his eyes tight. He says in a very strained voice “They...they didn’t want me.” He suddenly slumps and starts to cry again. Oh dad. I think from the way you’re acting you should have told someone else long ago. I rub his back and run to get a tissue. When I get back, he’s stopped crying. He takes the tissue anyway.
“I never knew them. They gave me to the orphanage when I was a baby. I hated it, and I ran away when I was 18. I lived on the street, then I found the door to the Tower. It’s down there, at bridge level. There was already a vigilante living here, and he showed me the ropes. When he died, I just kept going. By the time I was 26, I hadn’t spoken to anyone as a friend for almost 5 years!”
We sit there for a looooooong time. I’m getting bored. I think Dad can tell. He smiles at me.
“I DO feel better now, but I don’t want you to ever speak of this conversation again. OK?” He looks at me hopefully. I think he just doesn’t like being the vulnerable one.
“Sure.” He kisses me and hugs me real tight. “Thank you for saving me Gos. Without you, I’d have given up probably after Tarus Bulba.”
I kiss him back. “No problem.” I say. This is getting WAY to mushy now. I jump up and go back to the house. Dad doesn’t come, but I think he will soon. Or maybe not. After all, it IS Launchpad’s night to cook.

Wh..what? Blinking slowly. It’s still dark. Rolling over, looking at the clock. 3:00am. Groaning. Close my eyes, try to go back to sleep.
Nope. It’s not going to work. Hey, I bet Dad and Launchpad are still out! Creeping to the banister and peering down. Nobody. Cool beans! I feel like a good old snoop. I’ll be able to tell when they get back to the Tower, they don’t know how well sound travels from there. Who’s room is going to get the “once over”? Well, I’ve learned a lot about Dad lately, so I think LP’s my victim. Going into his room, being careful to leave the door slightly open, so I can hear them return.
I wonder if Launchpad has a diary? And where would he keep it? He MUST have a diary, he copies the TV, and lots of people on the TV have diaries! Where do they keep theirs? Of COURSE! The sock drawer! Pulling the drawer open. Rummaging around and..BINGO! Keen gear! Opening it. Only one entry! But boy, is it a long one. Let’s see know...

Shock. Shaking my head slowly. I could kick myself for prying now. I don’t want to know about sad pasts! And certainly not more than Dad! But I have family! Not adopted family, but relatives! An uncle and a 2nd-cousin. What more could I want?!
For Dad to be the uncle.
Not that I don’t mind Launchpad being my uncle. Launchpad and I are really close. But if Dad knew, he’d sort of...I DON’T KNOW! I can’t explain it, but I think we’d all be better off if he didn’t know. But he misses not having parents so much, this could help him!
I wasn’t even thinking of Mum and Dad, or Grandpa. But people who I see everyday come to mind more. I don’t think about any of my real...I mean dead family much now. I miss them, but I have Dad and LP now. I think they’d understand.
Door creaks and opens. Launchpad walks in. I must have been so caught up in my thoughts I didn’t even hear the chairs. Launchpad takes one look at me, and what’s in my lap, and he shuts the door.
“Oh Gosalyn.” He sounds very...dissapointed?
“Launchpad, I didn’t...” I start to say, but he covers my mouth.
“Whisper.” he says. Fine.
“I didn’t know what it had in it! I was lonely. Launchpad, I’m sorry.” I mean it too.
“OK, but you can’t tell DW.” Launchpad sounds very firm.
“But LP...”
“No Gos. The tention around here would be unbearable, and you know it.”
“But he feels so sad about not having parents! He thinks they didn’t want him! Well, this could show him that they did, but they just couldn’t keep him.”
He looks at me sharply. “He talked to you about it?”
“I found him crying.” Launchpad looks rather put-out, for some strange reason.
“Well, you know more about it then me, if that’s true. What do YOU think we should do?”
Thinking. Hmmmm...
“I think that we shouldn’t tell him. He’s feeling better about it, and the past is gone, and the present counts more. We’re all together, happy. I don’t want to spoil that.”
Launchpad nods. He half smiles. “You’re getting smart as you grow Gos!”
Well, gee, thanks. “What did you expect?”
He’s about to answer when he freezes. Dad walked past the door and into his room. Hearing the door click. Sigh of relief.
“OK.” LP whispers “Let’s promise that we never tell DW about the letter, unless, well, you know, something happens.”
“Promise.” I answer.
“Promise. What should I do with the..er..evidence?”
“Give it to me. It’s from Grandpa. I’ll keep it very safe.”
Stuffing the letter into my pocket. Peering out into the hall. All clear.
“Good night, Launchpad.” I hug him, and he kisses the top of my head.
“Night Gos.”
I sneak into my room. I put the letter into my Special Place and climb into bed.
I wonder how my parents died. I don’t remember them hardly at all, and I don’t remember when they died. Maybe zombies DID get them. Giggling into my pillow.
Well, Dad, I think that you just want to be loved. That’s the bottom line in just about all your behavior. That or save the ones you love. That’s probably why having no parents hurt so much. Or maybe that was the cause. Who knows? I guess we never will.
Sighing. Time for sleep.
Drifting off, in a house full of love.

Story Copyright Rachel “Thlayli” Baker ‘98. All characters copyright Disney, cept all those relatives I made up.

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