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Scene VII: Duncan's barge
[RICHIE is looking through LANDRY's journal. DUNCAN is pacing.]
DUNCAN: "I've been up all night trying to figure out this legend."
RICHIE: "So explain it to me. You said this... demon? ... turns up every thousand years..."
DUNCAN [gesturing toward the journal]: "That's what it says."
RICHIE: "Right. And this demon fights a champion of Good for the fate of the world?"
DUNCAN: "That's what it says."
RICHIE: "And YOU'RE the selected champion?"
DUNCAN: "That's what it says."
RICHIE: "Why you?"
DUNCAN: "It doesn't say."
RICHIE: "Oh." [pause]"Could this have anything to do with Cassandra's prophesy?"
DUNCAN: "No, we took care of that in an earlier episode."
RICHIE: "Oh yeah. I wasn't in that one."
DUNCAN: "But there was another prophesy!"
RICHIE (aside): "I had to open my big mouth."
DUNCAN: "It was back in 1625, three years after I became Immortal and before I know what I was. I was wandering the Highlands and I came across this hermit in a cave...
DUNCAN (singing to the tune of "Fool on the Hill" by John Lennon & Paul McCartney)
"Long years ago,
Alone in a cave,
The coot with the foolish grin
Was just beginning to rave.
He told me that I was chosen,
And I told him he was a fool.
I was only seeking shelter,
But the coot in the cave
Said that I was the one
He'd been waiting there for.
Since the millennium.
He'd tell me a tale
If I'd only stay,
He said I would soon meet Connor
Who would show me the way.
He said I would battle evil
It was what I was born to do.
But I didn't want to listen,
To the coot in the cave.
Still, he kept ranting on
About my destiny
And what had to be done.
And I didn't understand him,
When he told me to take his head
I said I had no fight with him
But the coot in the cave
Said he wanted to die
And he chopped off his head
Before I could ask why.
That's all he got to tell me
Before I had his Quickening.
Can't explain it
But the coot in the cave
Must have known about this.
But the point of it all
Is what I seem to miss."
[RICHIE is snoring loudly on the couch.]
DUNCAN: "Richie, wake up!"
RICHIE [startled awake]: "Huh? What? Oh, Duncan. Sorry. You know what your flashbacks do to me."
DUNCAN: "Did you hear a word I said?"
RICHIE: "Sure. Every word."
[RICHIE nods vigorously until DUNCAN turns away, then shakes his head. When DUNCAN looks back, RICHIE smiles innocently.]
DUNCAN: "So, what am I going to do about this?"
RICHIE: "Don't you mean what are WE going to do about this?"
DUNCAN: "No, I mean what am *I* going to do about this. Remember the name of the show is 'Highlander,' not 'MacLeod and the Crowd.'"
RICHIE: "How could I forget?
Powers That Be keep reminding me."
DUNCAN: "Okay, Tough Guy. Have it your way."
[lights out.]
~~~~~
Scene VIII: Park
[RICHIE, JOE, and METHOS are walking together through a park discussing DUNCAN.]
RICHIE (singing to the tune of "Maria" from "The Sound of Music" by Richard Rodgers & Oscar Hammerstein III):
"We met this kook
Who wrote a book
Says Duncan is the one.
He speaks of ancient prophecy
And things that must be done.
And Duncan buys this nonsense!
Do you think I'm having fun?
I just don't understand what's wrong with Duncan!"
JOE (singing):
"He claims he's
seeing Horton!
He's got hunters on the brain!
If I didn't know him better
Then I'd say he was insane.
I really hate to say it,
But I simply can't explain.
I just don't understand what wrong with Duncan."
METHOS (singing):
"And Kronos
dressed as Zorro? Don't be daft!
That really makes me laugh!"
RICHIE, JOE, & METHOS (singing):
"What are we
going to do about dear Duncan?
How to keep him from going 'round the bend?
How do we knock some sense into dear Duncan?
And tell him for this, he really must trust his friends,
Many a thing you know he ought to tell us.
Many a thing we want to understand.
But how to we make our point
With him tearing up the joint?
How are we gonna learn what he's got planned?
Oh, how do solve our problem with ol' Duncan?
How do we knock some sense into MacLeod?"
RICHIE (singing):
"You know lately,
he's obsessed.
Kinda moody and depressed
And I never know exactly where I stand."
JOE (singing):
"Unpredictable as
weather
Are we fighting or together?
I can't keep track.
This is getting out of hand!
METHOS (singing):
"He'll out-pester
any pest!
Our whole friendship is a test!
And I do believe he's grading on a curve!"
RICHIE (singing):
"I'm his best friend. Then I'm not."
JOE (singing):
"Always puts me on the spot."
METHOS (Singing):
"He's a headache, but we love him."
ALL (singing):
"He's MacLeod!
[ALL shrug]
What are we going to do about dear Duncan?
Maybe his common sense just needs a jog.
How do we fight this enemy of Duncan's?
The Ultimate Evil? The end of the world? A FOG?!?!
Many a trick we've learned in our endeavors.
Maybe a few might help us win the day.
But why should we save the world?
When he always gets the girl?
Why is always him who saves the day?
Oh, how do solve our problem with ol' Duncan?
How do we make some sense out of MacLeod?"
[lights down.]