Critics Three

	Stephen and Hugh are in the swivel chairs again.


Stephen		Simon Clituris, you saw that. Thoughts?
		Inferences?

Hugh		Well, you see they fell into the old trap, the
		old trap of going material that is essentially
		self-referential.

Stephen		By saying the term "self-referential", you
		mean ... ?

Hugh		I mean to present myself as an impressive, even
		perhaps interesting, person.

Stephen		Ng. Ng. Aren't you getting a little tired though of
		humouresque material on television that is about 
		television?

Hugh		Very tired. Exhausted.

Stephen		I think there's something very incestuous about
		people who make love to close blood relations.
		Perhaps it's just me.

Hugh		You see I wish, I wish they'd come to me
		when they first wrote that sketch. I could
		have just pointed out to them where they had
		gone wrong.

Stephen		This was my feeling exactly. Just nudged them
		gently in the right direction. It's all they needed.
		There's some talent there.

Hugh		Would you have said that?

Stephen		Well, not talent perhaps. I don't think they'd make
		very impressive critics for example.

Hugh		They always put out these things without
		consulting us first. I mean we're here to help.

Stephen		To help and to criticize. I'm sick up to the back
		stomach with the kind of comedy that has such
		utter and profound contempt for people like us.

Hugh		You see it's interesting isn't it, if you compare
		that sketch with the work of someone like Diana
		Suckleigh.

Stephen		Ah. Now, you see?

Hugh		Diana is observant, she's real, she's truthful.

Stephen		Always truthful. Very beautifully truthful and real.
		Very actual.

Hugh		I mean it doesn't all work.

Stephen		Oh no.

Hugh		She makes mistakes, but then which of them
		doesn't?

Stephen		That's right. We can't all be critics, for goodness'
		sake.

Stephen		What you've got to do is boil
		them, for about ten or twelve
		minutes, and then slice them
		down the middle. But these
		judges nowadays are soft. Far
		too soft.