Spies/Twin

	Stephen is looking at a picture on the wall, dressed in 
	a very unControllish sort of way. Painter's smock and 
	multi-coloured scarf. Hugh comes in, and starts talking 
	before he sees Stephen.


Hugh		Morning Control. Sorry to bother you with this
		but ...

	He sees Control and is slightly startled by his clothes.

		I was wondering ... whether ...

Stephen		Morning.

Hugh		Morning. If you'll allow me to say so, Control, you
		appear to have radically changed your appearance
		and manner of dressing.

Stephen		Ah, we've got a little bit of a crossed line here, I'm
		afraid. I'm not actually Control.

Hugh		You're not Control?

Stephen		No.

Hugh		Well now I don't know whether I'm coming
		or going.

Stephen		Don't worry. I'm Control's twin brother. How do
		you do?

Hugh		Oh I see. How do you do? You really do look
		awfully like Control, you know.

Stephen		Yes, people have frequently remarked on the
		similarity between myself and Control, it's true.

Hugh		My name's Tony.

Stephen		My name's Control.

Hugh		Sorry?

Stephen		It's a bit confusing but you see my mother could
		never tell us apart right from the day we were
		born, so she decided to call us both by the same
		name. She called us both Control.

Hugh		You mean Control is Control's real name?

Stephen		That's right. Oh dear. Have I been indiscreet?

Hugh		Not at all. It's just that I always assumed that the
		name Control was just a cover for Control's real
		name, which was a closely guarded secret.

Stephen		Well, of course, I've always known that his name
		was Control. Just as I've always known that my
		name was Control as well.

Hugh		You could knock me down with a feather.

Stephen		I expect I could if it was a large and heavy one.

Hugh		Yes. So. Do you happen to know where Control is?

Stephen		I'm right here, as it happens.

Hugh		Oh no! We're confused already!

Stephen		Oh, you mean my brother Control!

Hugh		Yes.

Stephen		He's presently painting an erotic mural somewhere
		in Earl's Court I should imagine.

Hugh		Oh dear. I may need a lie-down soon.

Stephen		Before you go to that extreme, Mr Murchison. I
		assume you are Tony Murchison by the way ... ?

Hugh		I am. Though the way things are going perhaps I
		should say "I think I am!"

Stephen		Yes. I like you already, Tony, if I may call you that.

Hugh		Please do.

Stephen		I was going to explain that I am something of the
		Black Sheep of our family. Control is a widely
		respected chief of the Secret Service and I am a
		not very respectable painter, though with a certain
		following in the louche areas of the metropolis.

Hugh		With you so far Control number two.

Stephen		And the thing of it is that Control asked if I
		wouldn't mind changing places with him: me to
		run the Secret Service for a week, he to have a stab
		at painting an erotic mural in Earl's Court.

Hugh		Ah. I expect he's wanting to keep his undercover
		hand in.

Stephen		Very probably. So, Mr Murchison, have you got
		any secret documents you'd like me to sign?

Hugh		Well Control number two, I just need your
		permission to allocate funds for the purchase of
		the new safe house in Kensington that nobody
		knows the address of. Here are the estate
		agent's details.

Stephen		(Looking through) Oh, no Murchison. I can't
		possibly authorise our spending money on a house
		which has floral carpets and plain curtains.

Hugh		Ah.

Stephen		And look at the wallpaper in the hall. Far too busy.

Hugh		Right. I'll get to work on finding something more
		appropriate.

Stephen		Yes please.

Hugh		Meanwhile ... would a coffee be helpful at all?

Stephen		Well, I'd love a lemon tea if you can manage it.

Hugh		Well well well! Control?

Stephen		Yes?

Hugh		Even if I hadn't guessed earlier I'd know now that
		you aren't the real Control. Because Control?

Stephen		Yes?

Hugh		The real Control never has lemon tea. Always
		coffee.

Stephen		Voh!

Hugh		One lemon tea coming up, though.

Hugh		(Blindfolded sipping first at a glass 
		of red wine and then at a glass of 
		white) It's a trick. They're both
		red. (Taking off blindfold) Well,
		well, well. That's extraordinary.
		Ha, ha, ha. Don't show this
		will you. I'm a wine merchant, I
		shall cop frightful stick at work.
		Good Lord! Ha! (He's not that 
		amused in fact)