Swearing

	Stephen and Hugh enter with their mouths gagged with 
	tape, like anti-nuclear protestors (according to Hugh,
	who knows about these things).

	Owing to the inaudibility of the irrepressible twosome,
	subtitles (But not subtleties, never subtleties).


Stephen		Mm ... mmm ... mmm mmm.

Hugh		Ng ... ng ... ng ... ng ...

	It is understood that the following dialogue is subtitled.
	Where it says Hugh and Stephen they will in fact 
	be mumbling. The obliques strokes indicate where a 
	seperate caption is required.

Stephen		Good evening ladies and gentlemen/welcome to "A
		Bit Of Fry and Laurie"./

Hugh		Hello./

Stephen		Before we go any further, we should explain/ our
		rather unconventional appearance this evening./

Hugh		Yes, you normally sit on the left, don't you?/

Stephen		Nice gag, Hugh./

Hugh		Thanks, I made it myself./

Stephen		(To audience) We have a problem/ with our first
		item this evening .../

Hugh		Only a slight one, though./

Stephen		Yes, we've licked bigger problems that this/ eh
		Hugh?

Hugh		Yes, there was that funny time when .../

Stephen		Oh shut up./

Hugh		Right./

Stephen		We are wearing these gags as a protest/

Hugh		Write on/

Stephen		Our first item tonight, my sweet little
		honeyclusters/ is a searing insight into real life,/
		and perforce relies on using/ the language of
		the street./

Hugh		Swearwords .../

Stephen		Swearwords, exactly. But we have been banned
		from using actual swearwords/

Hugh		Bastards/

Stephen		So we have had to make up new ones /which are
		absolutely pitiless in their detail./

	Hugh rips off his gag.

Hugh		And nobody can stop us from using them. Here
		they are ...

	Stephen rips off his gag. From now on, we are out loud.

		"Cloff".

Stephen		"Prunk" ...

Hugh		"Shote" ...

Stephen		"Cucking" ...

Hugh		"Skank" ...

Stephen		"Fusk" ...

Hugh		"Pempslider" ...

Stephen		No, we said we wouldn't use that one.

Hugh		Did we?

Stephen		Yes, that's going too far.

Hugh		What, "pempslider"?

Stephen		Shut up.

Hugh		Sorry.

Stephen		And lastly, "pim-hole".

Hugh		Hah.

Stephen		So, here it is, ladies and gentlemen, our first
		sketch ... and good luck ...

	Cut to Witness.

Hugh		I'm afraid I was very much the
		traditionalist. I went down on
		one knee and dictated a proposal
		which my secretary faxed over
		straight away.