Milk Pot

	Stephen and Hugh enter as medieval clerics. A pot of 
	UHT milk is on the table between them. They play the 
	whole thing to camera as if the camera is a judge.


Stephen		Behold. The Court under the eye of God finds
		itself convened this day of our Lord, Tuesday which
		is called Tuesday.

Hugh		So be it. Be it so. And not otherwise.

Stephen		Nay.

Hugh		Moo.

Stephen		As witness my hand hereunto bearing the great
		seal of Rotherham.

Hugh		Miaow.

Stephen		All who do have righteous business before these
		presents make sign or else say this court nay.

Hugh		Or moo.

Stephen		Or, possibly, moo.

Hugh		The charge. Make known the charge.

Stephen		Fourteen guineas per calendar hour.

Hugh		Cheap.

Stephen		Woof.

Hugh		Be it appended and known in these our records
		that this chalice of Ultra Heat Treated milk being
		appointed in the wisdom of our Lord God to accompany
		the coffee of the most revered and holy Bishop
		of Uffington did fail to yield up its juices therefore
		most basely causing that holy and right goodly man
		to snag his fingernail against the tab the which is
		provided for the opening. Of. Thereunto.

Stephen		Of it.

Hugh		Slightly.

Stephen		This snagging the devil having achieved, for it must
		rightwise be known that the devil hath possessed this
		chalice ...

Hugh		Or pot.

Stephen		Hath possessed this chalice or pot ... the lid did
		then open in an irritating little "V" shape and most
		lewdly disgorge its opal fluids upon the chaste and
		seemly waistcoat of our most Godly bishop.

Hugh		Thereat proving that the pot is a most wicked pot ...

Stephen		Or chalice.

Hugh		A most wicked and contumely pot or chalice
		wherein Satan doth play Jackalawkins.

Stephen		This being said ...

Hugh		And neighed.

Stephen		This being said and neighed unto the articles
		where of it is written that it should be said or
		neighed we do make most erotic demand that
		this pot or chalice be cast out, excommunicated,
		denied the blessing and eucharist of our Saviour
		and be tossed unshriven, unhouseled, interdict to the
		condign flames whence it most surely rose. Prepare
		the chasting dish. Prepare the chasting dish.

Hugh		It is prepared.

Stephen		The chasting dish is prepared and now the pouring.

	Opens milk and spills it.

		Bugger.