Scene Five

Scene Five

The sitting room of Flora Pasquale’s suite in the Presidential Palace at Ciudad Ibañez. At rise, FLORA is on a balcony upstage right greeting her people---once again with coins. FLORA I love you! I love each and every one of you! (From offstage we hear shouts of "We love you, too, Florita", "We adore you, Florita!, "We worship you, Florita!" The large doors downstage right open, and JOSE marches toward her. He is obviously upset.) JOSE Florita, I must speak to you.
(SHE continues to toss the coins.)

Florita.

FLORA

One moment, darling. Today is Money-Tossing Day.

JOSE

I realize that, but this is of vital importance. Flora.

FLORA

Yes, yes, darling…
(to the crowd)
My adored people, forgive me. My General calls. You wait there. I shall be back in a moment, and we’ll finish up the bag. (SHE blows kisses and receives shouts of love and gratitude. JOSE closes the French doors leading to the balcony.) FLORA My General, I am at your command.

JOSE

(handing her a sheet of paper)
Florita, have you seen this?

FLORA

Why, my darling, this is a Mortality Report. I’ve nothing to do with this. My job is to keep my people from making this Report.

JOSE

Florita. Montillano has the highest mortality rate in the world today. And do you know why Montillano has the highest mortality rate in the world today?

FLORA

No, my General, my President, why?

JOSE

Because of the traffic deaths right here in Ciudad Ibañez.

FLORA

Oh, my adored…we must do something.

JOSE

We can’t do anything when we have no police force. They’re all out chasing Ishmael Baldomero.

FLORA

Oh?

JOSE

Nobody knows what a traffic light is any more. And the speed limit is conservatively estimated at one hundred twenty miles an hour.

FLORA

But, my King, my Emperor, we need them to guard the border. We’ll just have to ask the navy for help.

JOSE

That would be fine, Florita. Except that our navy is guarding the coastline. In case he escapes by submarine.

FLORA

There must be some way…

JOSE

Florita…

FLORA

No, wait. Let me think. What we really need is to ask Ungentina for the Royal Ungentine Mounted Police. They always get their man.

JOSE

The Ungentine Mounties! Do you think they’d ever lend them to Montillano?

FLORA

We could buy them, you know.

JOSE

Flora!

FLORA

I don’t see why Ungentina wouldn’t sell their Mounties. They sell everything else. Bases, for instance.

JOSE

Everyone sells bases. But Mounties? Florita, we must give up this futile search.

FLORA

Give it up? José, you don’t understand. We can’t give it up.

JOSE

Why not? You told me he was a revolutionary. There has been no sign of a revolutionary movement against us. Knock on wood.

FLORA

But, my Lord, my Savior…

JOSE

I will not hear another word.

FLORA

José, wait! You don’t want to offend the United States, do you?

JOSE

Offend the United States?

FLORA

We will…if we don’t catch that man.

JOSE

What are you talking about?

FLORA

I didn’t want to tell you. I’ve tried to keep it from you…the only thing I’ve ever tried to keep from you. I knew how upset you’d be…how your ulcer might start acting up again and how you’d have to give up chili beans…but that man is a…

JOSE

A what?

FLORA

A famous Nazi war criminal!

JOSE

A famous Nazi war criminal?
(HE pulls out a "Wanted" poster of Ishmael and studies it.)
This little nebish?

FLORA

He sneaked in from Argentina after Juan had all that trouble with the House of Rothschild.

JOSE

Flora, he was a drama critic for a stupid little magazine. I had his records checked.

FLORA

You don’t believe that! Oh, my sweet, naïve, good Master, always willing to think the best of people.

JOSE

Flora…

FLORA

Of course, there was an Ishmael Baldomero at one time. But the fiend you see in front of you murdered him and assumed his identity.

JOSE

How do you know?

FLORA

My dear, it was all over Ciudad Trujillo as soon as Juan arrived.

JOSE

But even a famous Nazi war criminal. I mean, there’s havoc on our streets without policemen.

FLORA

Oh, José! He’s not just any famous Nazi war criminal. He is the most famous Nazi war criminal.

JOSE

What!

FLORA

Yes!

JOSE

The most famous?

FLORA

Initials: A.H.

JOSE

A.H.!
(FLORA is on her way back to the balcony)
Albert?

FLORA

(stopping dead in her tracks)

Albert!

JOSE Is Albert close?

FLORA

Albert!

JOSE

Then it isn’t Albert. Wait. Wait. Arthur?

FLORA

José, what famous Nazi war criminal’s first name was Arthur?

JOSE

Florita, you know my memory for names.

FLORA

José, the A stands for Adolph.

JOSE

Adolph. Oh, Adolph!
(HE rechecks the poster.)
Adolph H.

FLORA

(going to his desk, grabbing a pencil)
José, here…
(taking the poster from him and beginning to draw on it)
I put a little mustache here and push the hair over one eye there.

JOSE

Oh, that Adolph.

FLORA

Yes, my beloved, that Adolph.

JOSE

But that Adolph’s dead. No wonder I didn’t think of him.

FLORA

There’s no proof that that Adolph’s dead. He isn’t dead at all. Look at that photograph.

JOSE

Hmm. There’s a resemblance, I think. But the noses…

FLORA

Plastic surgery.

JOSE

And the chin…

FLORA

Plastic surgery.

JOSE

This man looks so much younger…

FLORA

Look behind the ears some time. The flesh is all caked up…

JOSE

Can you feature that! But still, Florita, who cares about him now? I mean, there’ve been so many others since.

FLORA

Who cares?! Oh, my Sultan, my Czar, the Americans would give anything to have him there. Why the Hearst papers alone would pay a fortune to get him to do his memoirs!

JOSE

The what papers?

FLORA

Hearst, darling. Hearst.

JOSE

When you’re a leader you get so cut off from the rest of the world.

FLORA

And with that money, my Sovereign, we could get all the policemen we want. You’re so persuasive, my Master, if anyone could get the Ungentine Mounties, it would be you.

JOSE

Florita. Are you sure he was…he is…?

FLORA

My beloved, have you ever known me to lie to you?

JOSE

No…

FLORA

Why do you think I’ve gone to all this trouble to have him captured? So my Emperor could have all the glory.

JOSE

Ah, you’re clever. You’re the cleverest woman in the whole world, my Florita…

FLORA

Oh, no, beloved! Next to you, I am nothing. I’m barely a number nine.

JOSE

A number nine?

FLORA

                                        If all the leaders in the world
                                        Were judged from one to ten,
                                        Ten would be the number you’d attain.
                                        You haven’t many to compare with
                                        For you would be right up there with
                                        Caesar, Good Queen Bess and Charlemagne.
You’re a number ten,
A man among all men,
You were born beneath a very special sign---
Simon Bolivar was just a number nine.

But you’re a number ten,
A leader of all men.
You’re the best example of what folks call great---
Juan Peron is hardly even number eight.

Just to be with you, my dear,
Is being close to heaven,
And, of course, it’s very clear
Señor Eisenhower's barely even seven.

But you’re a number ten,
A God to other men,
You’re the kind of man
That hist’ry books adore---
Look what Castro’s done,
And he is just a four.
But you’re six more---
You’re a number ten!

Come, my beloved. The People wait. (SHE seizes the money bag in one hand and Jose in the other.) JOSE Adolph! Can you feature that! (The orchestra goes from "You’re a Number Ten" straight into "Baldomero!" as FLORA leads him to the balcony.)
LIGHTS DIM