Jealous Jane
Oh my God. Jane can ride a bike. That's amazing.
Everybody has different ways of dealing with their jealous feelings. Whenever I envy someone else, I'll take a time out to reflect all that I've accomplished during my lifetime, like...........ok, never mind. The point is, I live by the Dr. Phil quote "You can't change what you don't acknowledge!" Ok, maybe that quote has nothing to do with jealousy, but Jane Brady lived by a much different Dr. Phil quote, which was "If you hold cough drops under the nose of a girl you're jealous of, she'll go crazy, therefore, you won't be jealous of her anymore!"
Jane was extremely jealous of Marcia from the first day on set. One night, Jane saw a bag of coughdrops sitting on a table. She picked them up, and took them to Marcia, who was sleeping. Jane unwrapped a coughdrop and held it at Marcia's nose for 2 and a half hours. The next morning, Marcia woke up and started running around the house. She said that raptors were attacking her brain and she was gonna cut her head open with a knife to get them out. Mrs. Brady and Mr. Brady noticed her strange behavior and figured that she just was excited about some guy.
Marcia began using and abusing coughdrops. Marcia's looks took a turn for the worse, (episode 20, Brace yourself). Her appearance was so hideous that it made Gollum look like Brad Pitt. Her grades went the opposite of uphill, and her happy entourage of male admirers turned into an unhappy entourage of male "run-away-from-marcia-ers". Her lifetime success used to go up, up up, like a freely floating balloon, but then it began going down, down, down, like somebody grabbed onto the balloon and started pulling it down. But, when Marcia started experiementing with pencil shavings, lip balm and playdough, it was as if somebody put a 100 ton weight in the balloon, and the balloon was so heavy that it started digging a hole through the center of the Earth! In other words, it was a REALLY BAD IDEA! However, the year 2004 has been a good year for Miss Marcia Brady, as she claims in her interview that she's no longer hooked on coughdrops, lip balm, pencil shavings or playdough.
Yep. Jane was pretty boring aside from her whole "ARGH, I'm gonna get Marcia high on coughdrops, mothafucka!" thing. So due to Jane's complete lack of personality, her biography is solely about what she did to Marcia.
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