PLANET HAIM
10th May 2000 - The final and paid for itinerary!!!
I know, I know, sort your shit out Haim! But it's finally done, the date is set, there's no turning back, plus the giant heads are back in!!
Friday 26th May, Leave these oh so sunny shores. See so many giant heads I feel I'm back amongst my friends in Wellington. 3 days later arrive Santiago, Chile. Chi, Chi, Chi, Le, Le, Le, Viva Chile!! Leave one week later Arrive Lima, Peru. Get mugged at airport and curse all Peruvians and their decendants. Next 1-2 Months do the Inca trail (Peru/Bolivia), periodic muggings. 2 Months living in Cordoba, Argentina. 3 Months living in Uruguay. Hopefully short trip to see scantily clad Brazilian beach babes. Fly out of Buenos Aires to Miami(after farewelling all those Sth American girlfriends/wives). 3 days in Miami. Fly Miami to Costa Rica. 2 Months living in San Jose. Bus to Guatemala (3 day journey, grrr), 1 month there if I arrive alive and manage to keep this way. If I don't make it, 6 months hostage work with local Banditos. Fly out Costa Rica to Miami, then Miami to Austen, Texas Check if everything really is big in Texas. Out of Austen after 1 week and off to NYC. 2 weeks New York, then fly to London. 1 month UK. Straight through to Vancouver. Week stay in hospital after near fatal beating, due to over enthusiasm with my Canadian accent phrase, 'hey lady, there's a fire over there, you'd better watch out, aay' (from some crap movie) 3-4 weeks in Vancouver, Canada. Well until money runs out....having said that might have to go straight home! Complete Basic Mountie Training with Honours Back home to the drudgery of everyday life. Doesn't sound too bad huh?
Well if it sounds like your cup of tea, grab a few 20K and come with me!!
Barring that you can just keep up with my antics right here on Planet Haim. Almost as good huh?
25th May 2000 - The Long Last Night
Oh the excitement, oh the trepidation, oh what a nothing entry this will be.
Have finally bought everything, picked up tickets (how late did I leave that!) and am about to do my final pack.
Last night was the final farewell down at McGloughlans Scottish pub (highly recommended). Thanks to all that came and shouted me drinks (with the current exchange rate the only thing i'll be drinking overseas will be choleric silty agua).
All the best ya'll, wish me luck!!
26th May 2000 - Adios
El tiempo ha llegado!! Adios mis amigos, hasta la vista!
5th June 2000 - Lima
Back online!! Damn internet in Santiago wouldnīt let me log on to the website so had to wait until Lima of all places. Should be o.k. from now on.
Santiago, feel very safe. Lima.....hmmmm well lets just say Iīll be watching my back, and my ribs for knifes sticking out of them haha, just kidding mum.
Women in Santiago very pretty but end up costing you a fortune in cab rides. Will now compare with Lima. I think the cab rides will be cheaper at least.
7th June 2000 - Still Lima
Lima not so bad once you get used to it, but you never quite relax
Peruvians who can only speak spanish are very friendly and helpful. Peruvians who can speak some english want to sell you drugs. Peruvians who say they are Bolivian trumpet players who tour South America probably aren't. Soldiers goose-stepping to an army brass band playing Simon & Garfunkel look rather silly. Any city that can put you up for US$2.75 can't be all bad.
10th June 2000 - Nazca Lines
Big lot of trouble for things you'll never see in your lifetime. Impossible to see these lines, shapes and animal pictures without a plane so why bother? Unless of course it's a landing strip and you know your alien buddies will give you a ride up for a geez. Something to think on...hmmmmm.
Dry hot Nazca, can't grow much here, oh no. You'd wonder why people would live here. Well I've been here for 24 hours now and I honestly tell you I still have no idea. Warm I suppose. But then so is hell and you don't see me saving up for a bungalow down there.
12th June 2000 - Arequipa
Nicest city in Peru so far, Arequipa. Surrounded by montains including volcanoes and the realistic 'Sleeping Indian' formation.
Amazing how winter weather in some parts of the world are better than summer in others. Perhaps Wellington isn't the place to return to? Nah I'll be back.....in 11 months that is heheeeeeeeee
16th June 2000 - Colca Canyon
Oh how nice it is to swim in the warm waters of the Oasis at the bottom of arguably the deepest canyon in the world. This lush spot could not be better, sheer cliffs around, beautiful trees within, warm waters after a dusty trek and protected from winds. A magical place brought down to earth only by the thought of the 1000 metre plus climb back to the top. Straight up.
I shall return here one day and you should all come with me.
Oh, did I mention that we are doing the climb at 2am to catch the local bus back to Arequipa?
18th June 2000 - Arequipa
It's amazing how even ugly guys like me can pick up hot latin women in bars in this country. I might look into immigration procedures.
20th June 2000 - Cuzco
How busy is this town. People everywhere for the festival. Fortunately so many locals around that you don't notice the millions of tourists so much.
Never take the train from Arequipa to Cuzco. It is not possible to lay a worse track than this. 24 hours in the bumpiest train in the world, including hitting one taxi and waiting 2 hours for a locamotive to be fixed is definately not high on the lists of 'things to do in Peru' by Haim the disgruntled tourist. The Lonely Planet guide will pay for this advice.
22th June 2000 - Cuzco, city of tourists
How many Israeli's can you fit in South America? 20 thousand, all on holidays from what I've heard. Canīt escape the Buggers, worse than racoons.
How many people can you get to stand around and watch nothing happen? Hang of a lot it seems. I've never seen a plaza so packed with people all watching statues of saints not move around the square.
Can a guy be stupid enough to go home and sleep his cold off instead of party with a beautiful girl from Arequipa? It seems he can. Ripley's believe or not.
27th June 2000 - All good things come to those who wait
When a Peruvian girl says 6pm, she means somewhere in the vicinity of, a certain time, which could be, but may not be, similar to the hour known, in some parts, as 6pm.
Four arranged meetings. Average wait time currently 1 hour.
Fortunately I quickly wizened up and came 30 mins late, and when that still didn't work took to the bottle whilst waiting.
So far it's always been worth the wait.
1 July 2000 - The true blood sports
There is a disappointing lack of blood in cock fights, although the tied on metal claws looking menacing. Seems to be more about drinking Cusqueņa than anything else. Pretty quickly one rooster doesn't want to fight anymore and just lays there, soft I say, get hard cock (no pun intended haha).
If some chick bugs you to meet her out on the town just lie and don't turn up. Also handy is to give the wrong hostel name (extra good when your own hostel isn't listed!). Don't worry I'll send along my Slovenian buddy, he's single and needs the spanish practice.
8 July 2000 - El Camino Inca
The Inca Trail is something else. You will all be doing it some day as Macchu Picchu is some kinda prize. Don't be a piker, climb to the top of Huanya Picchu and look down as I did. Vertigo is for girls.
There are few things as invigorating or liberating as a naked communial shower with your buddies, under a freezing 15 metre waterfall on the Inca Trail, one hour from Macchu Picchu, Peru.
Ignore the passing trampers taking pictures.
10 July 2000 - Arequipa
Arequipa is still just as beautful. And Rosio is perhaps more so. I think perhaps it is lucky I have places to go, and people to visit, or I might just not leave.
12 July 2000 - Arequipa, la cuidad blanca
Check out the photos in 'Rare Tour Footage'. Hot off the press and straight to your living room. Oh the wonders of modern technology.
15 July 2000 - El Turko, Arequipa
For the best Kebabs ever you can't go past 'El Turko' right here in sunny Arequipa. What's this crazy Turkish bugger doing here in Peru you ask? Well ask yourself what all those others are doing in Wellington! hmmm didn't think about that did you, you small minded people. At least this guy really knows how to make kebabs, superb. I'll get fat yet!!
20 July 2000 - Hooka Bar, Arequipa
No there aren't really Hookers here. But I do recommend it as a good place to black out without drinking much. Perhaps it's something they put in the Pisco Sour. Either way a good faint is a clear sign it's time to catch the next taxi home.
27 July 2000 - La Red, Cafe Interactivo
Good high speed connection here, nice. Haven't fainted recently so all a bit boring. Moving out soon, few days more and then heading for the border before the authorities get wind of my location.
If you want to see security guards move money in a van properly come to Peru. They enter their van doors backwards, with guns drawn, eyes searching the street for potential trouble or nosey freckled tourists to shoot.
2 August 2000 - Puno the cold
It's the same perfect weather just a hell of a lot colder. Going up a couple of thousand metres is not a good thing for pleasant climes.
Am staying in Hotel EXTRA. Am yet to see a single thing that could even remotely be termed 'extra' in the entire place.
And yes I cried when I left Arequipa.
5 August 2000 - Copacabana, Bolivia
If you want to run drugs across a border, try Peru to Bolivia, it is a joke, don't even check your passport. Still there is so much drugs in both countries you won't make any money.
Copacabana is real dirty and smelly. But hell its packed with people right now so should be a blast, gotta work out the beers here, very important.
9 August 2000 - La Paz, Bolivia
Being ill on Isla del Sol is not fun. If offered this experiance, just say no kids.
Glad to get out of Copacabana, now in La Paz, highest capital in the world so suck on that (around 4000m). Nice to be in a real big city, pretty nice place so far and the chicks are certainly a step up from Copa.
Oh and if after saying 'gracias' a chick replies 'de nada' in the sexiest voice you have ever heard, do not just smile and walk away (like certain stupid kiwis), instead come back with 'Discotheque Mongo's a las 11pm'. One to work on for the future.
11 August 2000 - 24 and still kicking
Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me, Compleaņos Feliz blah de blah.
Thanks for all the birthday wishes. I'm off to get drunk.
19 August 2000 - Sorata
Most amazing trekking in Sorata, 4.5 hours from La Paz. Climbed to 5000 metres to see glacier and glacial lake. Magic, just magic.
Last night with Mike from Florida who has travelled with me through Bolivia so big night on the town. So if you are free, see you at Mongo's at around 10pm yeah?
20 August 2000 - Cochabamba, still Bolivia
Brothel Bars are quite funny. Some very attractive, and some very not attractive young ladies, all rather suspiciously friendly haha. Drinks are expensive though.
Now in Cochabamba. Not sure about the brothels here, will get back to you.
26 August 2000 - still Cochabamba, still Bolivia
Not really the parties on the weekend I had hoped for. Time to bail, tonight or tomorrow begin the bus journeys to Argentina, quite a few hours in total I'm afraid.
28 August 2000 - Santa Cruz, City of Babes
Well that's what everyones been telling me. Seems that it could be true but need a bit more time. Unfortunately not here for a weekend so will be slim pickings in the pub.
Be careful when drinking Chicha. Others pour and pass the bowl so always very generous to the gringo. If there's too much remember that Pachamama (the earth mother) is always thirsty, hey it's custumbre!.
14 September 2000 - Cordoba, Argentina
Hmmm haven't written here for a while. Well breezed on to the mines in Potosi which was right up there in horrendous jobs of the world. Then continued my ridiculous bus mission south to the border and after a brief time sweating it out as the Bolivian cops search my bags I got across and onto a bus to Salta.
Argentina is a different world, i.e. most of it is the first world. Salta was nice, great empaņadas man. Now have been in Cordoba for a week or so just chillin. Getting fit and healthy again, even cut my hair!!
Argentinian chicks are all gorgeous and incredibly slim.
New photos up in the gallery. Three new ones in the Arequipa category and two all new exciting categories, Easter Island (first days of my trip) and Cochabamba in Bolivia. Enjoy.
15 October 2000 - Florianopolis, Brazil
2 and a half weeks was enough in Uruguay for the moment, am now fat after too much good food. Uruguayans spend far too much time mincing about with a thermis under one arm and sipping from their 'mate' cups.
Brazil is wicked but currently raining so beach not as much fun as it could be I think. Portuguese is a ridiculous language so back to not understanding a thing unless they know some Spanish or English. Unfortunately this also means that although the chicks are hot looking and hot blooded none of my pick up lines work. Bring on the sun and spanish speaking Brasileras!
23 October 2000 - Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Copacabana Beach in Rio, how cool am I. Stinking hot as are the girls on the streets of Rio. The movie says 'Blame it on Rio' but I would blame it on the incredibly gorgious women....well actually in the movies case I would blame it on that dirty bastard Michael Caine as shagging your best mates daughter is highly dubious.
Managed to get some great hot sunny weather in Canasvieras where Rich and I made sure the local alcoholic fruit drink sellers could feed their families. Rich should now be in NZ so perhaps the drinking will slow down a bit although hanging out with a Scotsman so things looking grim.
16 November 2000 - Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Back in Rio after a week up in Bahia on fabulous beaches although a little bit of rain, still going in drag to hip pubs passes those rainy days.
First time in Rio was insane, far too much drinking every night. Still you're not in Rio every day so have to make the most of it. Now that I'm back it's just the same hahaha. Brazilian women are still fantastic looking, though one special Mexican girl I know is beating them all hands down.
23 November 2000 - Foz do Iguacu, Brazil
Somehow got out of Rio despite the booze, women and bus timetables consipiring to confound my plans.
Iquazu falls are absolutely spectacular. They really are something else, where does all that water go? But no time to dilly dally I have a 32 hour bus journey to enjoy, oh isn't travel a barrel of laughs.
7 December 2000 - San Jose, Costa Rica
Whipped back to Buenas Aires and after watching locals go nuts in the street after local side Boca Juniors winning the world championship, got on a plane for Miami the city of spanish on the streets and high prices. Still did see Endeavor take off for the International Space Station. How cool is that! Really lights up the whole sky, pretty damn impressive. Might start a space program when I get home.
Now in Costa Rica the most americanized latin american country I've been to. Not as cheap as Guatemala and Nicaragua so will head up there after christmas for a look see. Yet another accent and different spanish words, oh well at least I'm back to the latin women!
16 December 2000 - San Jose, Costa Rica
New Photos are on the site now!!! In the Rare Tour Footage section as usual, there you'll notice the new Brazil section, enjoy.
About the pop to the Carribean coast for a while and down into Panama so I can get a new visa when I come back up, so looks like some much needed beach action coming my way!
8 January 2001 - Granada, Nicaragua
Well goodbye 2000 and so much for than 'brand new start' bollocks haha, still what would life be like without trouble in the middle east?
Panama was great fun on an island paradise including staying with a crazy old hermit who wouldn't stop shouting. Then a quiet Chrissy in Costa Rica, a wee look at the pacific and very hot coast and then on to Isla Ometepe for new years where unfortunatly they didn't have any electricity haha. Well the disco at least had a generator and I managed to get very drunk so not too bad. Fun times somewhat hindered by the 10 guys to every girl ratio. Now in Granada where every day feels like Sunday for some reason, don't know where everyone hides. Today off to Managua and then Leon before new countries. This travelling stuff is fun.
18 January 2001 - Copan Ruinas, Honduras
Nicargua now long gone. Managua and Leon were not really that nice for me, though did meet a canadian who used to live in Wellington and we worked out we were in the same softball team! Amazing. We are travelling together. Esteli was a nice town in Nicaragua however so partied up the weekend there.
Tegucigalpa was pretty nice as capitals go and certainly packed with Honduran beauties haha. Past some pleasant time there including a rather entertaining night at a strip club hanging out with its owner haha quite amusing. Now in Copan near the Guatemalan border and will see some Mayan ruins tomorrow hurrah.
29 January 2001 - Guatemala City, Guatemala (duh)
Antigua was looked into and found pretty but packed with rich tourists so black listed.
How about Mayan temples breaking the jungle canopy with parrots flitting from tree to tree and howler monkeys breaking the silence? Well thatīs Tikal and thatīs fantastic.
Guate city doesnīt quite compare to Tikal but not too bad a city and will do some spanish lessons here so time to check it, and perhaps its female inhabitants, out haha.
5 Febuary 2001 - Panajachel, Lago Atitlan, Guatemala
Ok so that plan died a horrible death. Canīt do one or two weeks spanish lessons in Guate City so spent a week hanging with my buddies there and playing basketball and checking out pretty young rich guate girls haha.
Now have booted it up to Panajachel which although filled with gringos still has a good vibe and has the great advantage of one of the most beautiful views I have ever seen overlooking the gorgeous lake and three volcanoes on the other side, class.
So will do one or two weeks study here instead, two if things go well with the girl from El Salvador who lives here hahaha, or other wise perhaps a move to Quetzaltenango if you know that place!
11 Febuary 2001 - Quetzaltenango, Guatemala
Did a week in Pana, had some fun on an open mike, heard some bands, learnt spanish for 20 hours, bought some weavings and saw a couple of small towns on the lake. Doesn't sound too exiting but also think I've picked up a urinary tract infection so at least a bit of fun, will try to find a decent doc here in Xela. So feeling kinda miserable. Boohoo, send me flowers or preferably money! Hehe.
In Quetzaltenango also called just Xela (chela) and will be doing 25 hours of study here, bring it on...
1 March 2001 - Austin, Texas, USA
YeeeHaaaw, Texas day tomorrow hahaha. Texas is kinda crazy, the cars are far too big, not like NZ big, but like house big, very silly. Austin is kinda weird as all big computer companies spread around the city so nobody in the centre of town and quite ridiculously wide streets too.
For those who don't know, attempted robbery attempt in Guate City, 3 days in a bus back to Costa Rica via El Salvador where I saw no evidence of any quakes so I think it's a scam to get international aid! Nice time for last few days in San Jose and caught up with an american who I met in Peru. Then fun and games on three flights to Austin, usual hurry up and wait action to get to connecting flights. Free refills of coke at a bar was a novelty.
18 March 2001 - Austin, Texas, USA
Rodeos are very cool and the Lone Star Rodeo in Austin Texas is one of the biggest in the country, yeehaw. Cowboy types did well on the wild mustangs but those bulls shrugged them off no worries and even the calves they were trying to tie up had a few tricks up their sleeves. Kids riding sheep did well and unfortunately their were no near fatal gorings in any event, maybe next year.
Just for your information, 'Chicken Fried Steak' has no chicken in it as they chicken version is 'Chicken Fried Chicken', obvious. And hormone pumped meat products seem to taste the same though by the number of messed up cats there are here perhaps those side-effects should really be investigated. Oh and ostrich skin cowboy boots tend to be more expensive than kangaroo skin, crocadile or alligator. New York tomorrow.
19 April 2001 - Edinburgh, Scotland, UK
A bit slack so a run down. New York City is far too cool for the school, felt very daggy in this hippest of hip towns, though it also produces far more than its fair share of weirdos so it ain't all good. All those famous sites are still there so don't worry that godzilla movie was all a load of bollocks, they never blew up madison square gardens.
Washington DC sites are better only because they are free, hurrah! Great insight into the lives of the military with a stay in the barracks with Rob's Honor Guard who do ceremonial duties (I know honoUr but it's their regiment so I will defer this time). Have found that drinking and bowling seem to be what the US army prides itself on.
London has far too many kiwis and aussies and they are all mongrels. Also it is far too big with very few very tall buildings, odd compared to NYC. Very cool guards though and tower of london and other sights an expensive enjoyment. Oh now know who jake the ripper is after an excellent walking tour of his murders, if you want to know just send Ģ1 to me and a stamped self addressed envelope.
Edinburgh is generally cold but the people sure aren't. Great fun here, far too many pubs, good beer abounds and the buildings are all ridiculously old and beautiful. Strangly I have 4 friends from Wellington currently living here, but I can see why. Sites are fantastic and highland tour to come!
4 May 2001 - Victoria, Vancouver Island, BC, Canada
Been back to London, done a big club and even visited Leeds where I stayed with a guy I met in Peru. Leeds is very much packed with Brits thanks goodness and also full of very silly accents.
10 hour flight was no problem and now in lovely Canada which is surprisingly similar in many respects to NZ, just silly accents is all really haha. Back home soon, almost the end of the great adventure, 15th in fact, so see you then.
16 May 2001 - Home, Wellington, New Zealand
Canada was fantastic, wonderful people, hanging with my friends, gorgeous scenery and similarities with NZ. More fun than you could fit in a christmas hamper.
So finally back in wonderful Wellington. Nice to see all though have a nasty flu at the moment. Place seems a bit smaller than before, but to be expected I suppost. Wow what a trip, thanks for sharing it with me and gracias to those who helped along the way. Stay tuned for the next adventure!