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Stories

List of stories:

#1-Barbie Doll

Ralph was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter's birthday and he hadn't bought her a present. He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager, "How much is that new Barbie in the window?"

The Manager replied, ""Which one? We have Barbie goes to the gym for $19.95, Barbie goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie goes goes shopping for $19.95, Barbie goes to the beach for $19.95, Barbie goes to the Nightclub for $19.95 and Divorced Barbie for $375.00."

"Why is the Divorced Barbie $375.00 when all the others are $19.95?!?", Ralph asked surprised.

The manager replies, "Well, Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's House, Ken's boat, Ken's dog, Ken's cat and Ken's furniture."

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#2-Great

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed a desire to become  "great" writer.

When asked to define "great", he said "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, wail, howl in pain, desperation and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.

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#3-Flying

"Who's whispering?" Sister J asked not opening her eyes like the others. They were sitting in a circle holding each other's hands trying hard to concentrate.

"Sorry Sister but-"

"Hush child." With that Reba's voice fell back into the deadly silence. That is until Harriot felt that pulling her hand was too much of a struggle. She let go of Reba's hand, without a moment's thought. So when she reached up to catch her best friend's hand, she found the seat empty. She opened her eyes.

"Ahhhhhh!!" she screamed, alerting everyone to the plight of her friend. They all opened their eyes.

"What's the matter, Miss McFerly. Did you hear something?" Sister J was still to busy to notice what had happened. She didn't even notice her young companions staring at the ceiling.

"No Sister, I didn't but Reba did," and she pointed to the ceiling.

"Good heavens, Miss Keanin what are you doing up there?" They were all up, standing underneath the figure floating above them.

"Sister? What's going on, I heard someone scream. Is everything all right?" It was the janitor, Gregory.

"Yes sir, everything is fine. I just saw a mouse going out of the door, that's all. If you're real quick you might catch it." Luckily Gregory didn't look up as he left the room.

"Miss McFerly, how dare you lie in front of everyone. You will go to that far corner, face the wall and stay there till I call you."

"It wasn't her fault Sister, she was trying' to avoid too much attention comin' this way." Reba was trying to defend her friend but it wouldn't work, she knew that.

"It's well and good for you to talk Miss Keanin. I want you to come down here right this instant." Sister J's temper was flaring up but Reba couldn't help it.

"I would Sister but I can't. I don't even know how I got up here. Do you think its a sign?"

"Superstitious nonsense, what do you take me for, a fool. I said get down, now!!"

"I'm sorry Sister, I know I'm annoying you but this ain't going to work. Do you think one of the girls could climb on a table and pull me down. I can't think of anything else."

"Oh, very well. Miss Jenkins, go ahead." Sister J hated being told she was wrong but she always got her revenge in due time. Meanwhile, Franny Jenkins stood on top of the biggest desk she could find and jumped up on it. She caught hold of Reba and pulled. Harriot who Sister J had forgotten all about, caught hold of her legs. That just about did it as the three figures landed swiftly onto the floor.
 
* * *

"I don't know what happened Sister-I was concentrating just like you told us to and suddenly I felt kind of light. When I opened my eyes, I was up there. Sorry for the interruption. Can we go on. That was kinda cool." Everyone smiled at Reba's eagerness to try that again but Sister J. She just stood there with her hands on her hips with a hint of amazement in her eyes.

"Come here child," she said. Reba stepped up and tried not to giggle as Sister J tried to examine her clothes for a bit of wiring. "Nothing." She whispered even more confused. "Let's keep this between ourselves children. I don't think people will believe us even if we tried to tell them." Reba looked up at Sister J, that was the first smart thing she'd ever heard Sister J say.

Outside, Harriot was eager to talk to Reba. So they stopped in the park and sat down on a couple of swings. The air was cool even though it was the hottest time of the afternoon. Reba gave out a sigh of relief. She hated summer camp especially Sister J's classes. They usually sat down listening to other people talk about their problems. Everyone was so quiet, listening to the sharp voice of Sister J. Reba didn't like going to the library or taking Yoga classes, they were always so quiet; like as if someone had squeezed the life out of them. Today however, staring at the grass, Reba sensed something had changed. After floating about the class like that, she felt more grown up. For some reason she didn't feel like going down to the pond with Harriot and shooting pebbles at the ducks. She had loved doing that, it used to relieve the tension. But now things seemed different.

"What's wrong Reba? You haven't said a word since we left class. You know Sister J will cool off, she won't do anything to you. You sure gave me a start back there. C'mon Reeb say something. Please?" There was something wrong, Harriot felt it but Reba wasn't about to tell her. "Gee Reba, we've been friends for a long time; you can trust me. What's wrong? You can tell me, please."

"Harriot, its not that simple. I feel strange like as if I'm not me. I'll never know the reason for what happened just now but I do know I don't feel quite myself. Would it be asking too much of you, for me to be permitted to go home?"

"What did you say Reba? I didn't quite get it."

"I was hoping you might allow me to take leave of you till tomorrow."

"What's wrong with you Reba, you're talking weirdly." Who could blame Harriot, especially since Reba was really talking differently, certainly not the language of an average thirteen year old. "Do you want me to talk you home?"

"I'd be very much obliged Miss McFerly." Reba was confused.

"I'll take that as a yes, c'mon lets go." She trotted off in front of Reba and when she turned around she saw something even stranger. Reba was walking in a very peculiar manner, almost lady-like (something which Reba would never do). There was something even stranger going on, why was she walking on the footpath, they always walked on the grass-it made the journey home shorter. However much Reba startled Harriot, conversation was the last thing on Harriot's mind, this wasn't the smart mouthed Reba she knew.
 
* * *

"Mrs. K, I'm glad your home, Ummm. Something's up, I mean wrong with Reba." Harriot, was trying hard to prepare Mrs. Keanin for the shock on the way.

"Really? Where is Reba? Normally she's here before you."

"That's what I'm trying to tell you, Reba ain't quite herself. Today she decided to walk round the whole park to get here. She didn't want to cut right across." Harriot knew she wasn't making any sense, but before she had any time to explain, Reba appeared round the corner.

"Reba, what's wrong honey? Harriot tells me your not feeling very well. Are you all right?" Mrs. Keanin was being her usual caring self, except when Harriot had to run and fetch Mr. Keanin to help lift his wife off the hard cement. What did Reba say to her mother? Oh the usual "I'm fine mother, I really must wear a bonnet the next time I go out. Now, how about a cup of tea. I'll go and put the kettle on." Mrs. Keanin had fainted, pretty much the way Harriot had expected.

"Reba, you gave your mother quite a scare but I can't seem to figure out why."

"-You don't need Reba to tell you Mr. Keanin. Maybe, it would be better if Reba spent the night at my house, that's it my house. Today was a very long day for all of us, so I was hoping Reba could take a load of at my house. If you know what I mean."

"I suppose your right Harriot. I am off for the rest of the day, and Jessie does need some rest by the looks of it. Why don't you help Reba pick out a few things." Harriot breathed a sigh of relief. The last thing she needed was two people lying in the hall, faint with shock.
 
* * *

"I really must apologize for my mother's fainting but I guess she missed me terribly while I was away."

"Reba, listen to me. Your mother needs to rest so you're going to spend the night at my house. Do you understand? Just nod." Harriot was having a hard time understanding Reba as it was and she felt a whole lot better when Reba nodded.

"I comprehend perfectly what you're saying Miss McFerly but I fear that my father may require my services in helping my mother to gain her strength."

"No Reba. Your father has given me permission to take you with me, even if I have to drag you. So pack your bag and lets go." Harriot was getting rather irritated with Reba's ignorance.

"Very well but I might have a bit of trouble picking out my clothes. Do you know, I don't even have a night gown!"
 
* * *

"Concentrate Reba, you love climbing up to my tree house. Mum said we could camp out here tonight." Obliviously, Reba had something to say about spending the night outdoors but Harriot seemed to be ignoring every word that came out of her mouth.

"Miss McFerly, surely you don't expect me to climb a tree. It is unlady-like, something to be unheard of even today. Besides, sleeping outside is the last thing my delicate skin can bear with." However since Harriot was not listening to her she tried hard to climb the small ladder. However in her deep thought she didn't notice her feet lift from underneath her. The force pulling her was so great that she had to hold on for dear life. "Good heaven's somebody, please help me. I can't hold on for a moment longer," she cried. Harriot took one glance outside the window and started climbing down but she was too late. Reba flew across into the sky and far away before she could get there.
 
* * *

Days seemed to just fly by and before Harriot knew it, a week had passed. She had become severely depressed for only two reasons. Firstly because her best friends wasn't around to put the action back into life and secondly because she wasn't there to save her friend from floating away. All that was left was Sister J's class and then she could go back to moping about at home.

"Good afternoon girls. Isn't today a fine day and just to show you how great today really is, I've asked someone special to meet you today. In fact I met her this morning. Her name is Miss Rebecca Kenean. Everyone say hello to Rebecca." Harriot looked up, the name was Reba's but someone grown up stood in her place.

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#4-The Dream

One night, I had a humorous and symbolic dream. I remember it in great detail and would like to share it with you.

The dream begins with me in a church (St. James, the neighborhood church of my childhood.) I'm wearing a lovely, white dress waiting to be wed. Know, that in real life, it has been my foremost desire to be a married lady. All of my life, I have dreamed of the circle of eternity that I would proudly wear to display to the world that I was fortunate enough to have met the man who wanted to be my lifetime partner. Thus, the dream continues, and I find myself standing at the entrance doors of the church looking at the wedding guests. They are all grinning at me and giving me the thumbs up sign. These guests include my friends and acquaintances that are either married or living together.

The groom happens to be my best friend Tony's long lost brother who is a rich businessman in Columbia. He came to America in search of a woman who would assist him in obtaining citizenship through marriage. My best friend, Tony, was my boyfriend many moons ago. He and I have remained strictly platonic friends for the past seven years. His companionship during our romantic involvement was a blessing to me and so has his continuing friendship through out the years. Tony comes to my rescue whenever I need help in any given situation, from putting up shades on my kitchen windows, to assembling furniture that consists of a hundred heavy pieces, to protecting me and helping me escape from psychotic boyfriends. Tony's girlfriends are not the jealous types and have all been quite understanding of our close camaraderie. Needless to say, this was an arranged marriage. Once again, Tony took it upon himself to assist me even in finding a husband. The following is how he sold this idea to me:

"You are looking for a husband. My brother (his name is never mentioned in the dream) is looking for a wife. He's a very nice, even-tempered guy with the same honest, moral standards as my own and the rest of the Guerrero family. He's healthy, wealthy, and has a full head of hair. You are a sweet, honest, good-looking woman and even though he's looking for a marriage of convenience, once he sees you and gets to know you, he will surely fall in love with you. Likewise, once you get to know him, and experience being treated in an exceptional manner you will surely fall in love with him."

Feeling desperate to fulfill my dream, and being truly fond of the Guerrero family, I decide to keep an open mind and agree to marry his brother.

The groom and I have never seen each other until, to my horror, he arrives at the church wearing a white, 1970's, polyester suit like the one John Travolta wore in Saturday Night Fever. He is the spitting image of Tony, except he's taller, with a very self assured quirk about him. At this point, I find myself clutching a gigantic bag of Stay Free feminine protection Maxi Pads against my chest. As I turn to face Tony's brother I say to him.

"I'm sorry, I just can't do this."

He replies in a patient voice, "Are you sure? I came all this way and the guests are waiting. All we have to do is get to know each other a little better." Then he takes me by my shoulders and slowly pulls me close to him, causing the plastic bag of Maxi Pads between us to emit loud, crackling, noises, and plants a warm, fairly enjoyable kiss on my lips.

"It might be fun to get to know you," I explain, "but I really can't go through with this. I hope you understand."

In a gentleman like fashion, he accepts my decision and volunteers to announce the change of plans to the wedding guests.

Just before the ex-bridegroom begins to speak, the puzzled, murmuring, guests, the ex-bridegroom, and myself are startled by the roaring sound of a motorcycle. Before we know it, a slim, rugged looking guy, wearing a black leather jacket, black steel toed boots, a blue bandanna wrapped around his head, and a guitar strapped to his back, storms into the center isle of the church on a long, mean, Harley Davidson machine.

No longer hanging on to the Maxi Pads, I walk up to the stranger and stand before him in my beautiful, white gown with my arms at my sides and my palms slightly upward in an open gesture similar to the pose in which the Virgin Mary is often depicted. Until he arrived, I did not look like a glowing bride, but now I appear radiant. As I look into the man's sexy, blue eyes he asks me in a virile voice with a hint of a southern accent.

"Isn't there supposed to be an AA/NA group meetin' at the church tonight?"

"Perhaps in the rectory," I reply. "What was supposed to be at the church tonight was a wedding."

With our eyes still locked he reaches out to gently caress my face and says these words to me: "Baby, I can't say in all honesty that I'll ever marry ya. But I promise before God, in this here church, that I'll show you a rocking' good time."

At this, I feel my eyes water and an ache in my heart as I accept the fact that my dream of marriage may never become a reality. Nevertheless, I toss my veil into the air, swinging my head from side to side, freeing my long hair. I lift my dress up my legs, revealing the black leather boots that I wore underneath, climb on the back of the strangers hog and wave goodbye to the appalled guests.

My eyes search for Tony as the stranger and I spin out of the church. When I find him, I blow him a kiss and whisper, "Please forgive me, I will always love you," certain in my heart that he would understand.

I hang on tight as the stranger and I ride away onto the street and onto the highway of life.

The night ended, and so to the dream. I knew that for the rest of my days, regardless of the consequences, I would always be compelled to follow my heart wherever it leads.

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