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A Tale of Two Fungi
By Zeke Hogburger
Introduction:
It was the best of fungi, it was the worst of fungi,
It was the age of SC, it was the age of Canadian infiltration into Taiwan. It was Desmond
Fungus.
Book 1: ReCalled to Life
Desmond Fungus was called to life by his mommy and
daddy. How did it happen? Well, once upon a time, long long ago, there once was a happy
Eumycota Fungus and a Besidiomycotina Fungus. One day, they fell in love and had a son,
which they named Dolobasidiomycetidae Fungus. Now the mommy and daddy fungi didn't feel
like saying, "Hi Dolobasidiomycetidae Fungus! How was ur day at school today?"
so instead, they nicknamed him Desmond Fung. Here's a little background info on this
sucker.
Description:
The member of this order grow saprophytical on wood. The fruiting
bodies are gelatinous, but very diverse in shape and size ranging from
very small dot-like structures, to erect branched, antler shaped forms. |
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Taxonomy: |
Kingdom:
Division:
Subdivision:
Class:
Subclass:
Order:
Family:
Genus: |
Fungi
Eumycota
Basidiomycotina
Hymenomycetes
Holobasidiomycetidae
Dacrymycetales
Dacrymyceaceae
Dacrymyces
Calocera |
This is an undated photograph of him
with his sister, mother, and father. 
Now this Fungus was no ORDINARY fungus.
Desmond Fung was a pimp fungus. He was the king of mackdaddies. He had the extraordinary
ability to pickup chicks newhere, netime. He used absolutely dumbfoundingly effective
pickup lines. Here's is Pimpdaddy Desmond Fung's top 5 pickup lines!
| # |
Pickup Line |
Reaction from the Girl |
| #5 |
If u were a booger, i'd pick u first! |
I'm not a booger u sicko! |
| #4 |
Are u from Tennesee, cuz ur the only "10" I see.
hyuk hyuk |
Im from L.A. u loser.... |
| #3 |
Were both wearing green! Green means "go," so let's
go out together! |
Are u color blind? I'm wearing pink! And ur wearing Purple! |
| #2 |
I may not be Fred Flinstone, but I can sure make ur bed ROCK! |
I may not be Stone Cold Steve Austin, but I can still lay the
smack down on u. |
| #1 |
Andy's Cool isn't he? |
I lub u! |
Anyways, one day, Desmond was, erm, doing wutever
Fungi do and he saw this cute fungus:
sitting in a bar. Being the mackdaddy
that he is, he oozed into the bar and slid his slimy butt into the seat next to her. And
so the story goes (Di Da Di, Di Da Di.....)
| Desmond: slides
next to a Rachel Leigh Cook look-alike. Hi there, good lookin'. Farts
loudly. Chick: Hi urself. Turns around
and looks out the window, ignoring him.
Desmond: Farts loudly again.
Chick: groans.
Desmond: Burps.
Chick: barfs.
Desmond: Casually slides a copy of
Windows2000 onto the counter.
Chick: Wow! Is that a pre-release
version of Windows2000?
Desmond: smirks. Yes. PC
World won’t get it for another month. I’m the only guy who has it now baby.
Chick: oooohhhhhh. Take me now u
viking!
Desmond: ok.
So now we’ve seen the powers of Desmond Fungus, but there’s more to story!
Weirdo sitting next to chick: Wait
a second.
Chick/Desmond: Wut…..
Weirdo: Casually slides a copy of
Windows9000 onto the counter.
Chick: Wowwy Kazowwy! Is that the
pre-release version of Windows9000?
Weirdo: smirks. Yes. PC
World won’t get it for another month and 7000 years. I’m the only guy who has it
now baby. In fact, I'm Bill Gates.
Chick: oooooohhhhh. Take me now u
viking!
Bill Gates: ok.
Desmond: Curses Bill gates.
So now we see Desmond Fungus, the pimp
daddy, in a seemingly hopeless situation. Most ppl would call it quits, but not this
Fungus.
Desmond: Wait a second.
Chick/Bill Gates: Wut….
Desmond: Casually slides a copy of SC
onto the counter.
Chick: Wut about it. It’s SC.
So wut?
Bill Gates: Wowzers! Is that SC?
Desmond: groans….
Chick: Exits the bar.
Bill Gates: Take me now u viking!
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THE END!
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