Cosmology
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The following is a short ramble through False Personality. I will start with a daydream.
A young girl stands on a railway bridge intending to commit suicide. The hero runs up the steps to the girl's rescue. He calculates as he runs that he would look better wearing a jacket; he may as well take his glasses off also. He scampers up the steps for a second time wearing a jacket and not wearing glasses. The girl stands patiently waiting to be rescued. The sun shines and there is virtually no wind. The wind would ruffle his hair. There is, of course, an audience standing below, with a good view, watching the adventure unfold. The audience is made up of people who happen to know friends of the Hero. They will later that day sit in pubs and bursting with astonishment and admiration, talk incessantly about the Hero.
There is this aspect of arranging external factors to make the best impression. It's possible to see this happening. Someone will actually take their glasses off because they imagine they look better without them. The hand removes them from the nose and surreptitiously slides them into a pocket. Or someone reading a book on a train notices other passengers sitting close by. He tilts the book at such an angle so the other passengers are unable to see the title. In some way he's ashamed to be seen to be reading such a book: a slight turn of the wrist.
There is also calculation involved from vanity. I remember looking up the spelling of a word in the dictionary. When I'd finished I reasoned that if I left the dictionary on the table my wife would see it, and she would realize that I could not spell such and such a word. So I put it back on the bookshelf.
It's possible to see impressions bring these calculations into play. Someone sitting down watching television. He hears a sound outside the front door. He knows that his mother-in-law might arrive at any time. He turns the television off, picks up a book, and lounges back in the armchair adopting a studious pose. His mother-in-law is impressed by intellectual types!
What about the people in the pub? This is something else the Hero has worked out. He hasn't left much to chance: the heroic adventure has been duly noticed. These people in the pub are so impressed by what they had seen earlier in the day that they find it difficult to summon up the right words to do justice to what they had witnessed.
These entities are formed in our dreams and enthuse over our talents.
We may notice a certain imagination within which people we know enthuse over our talents. This type of imagination can be sparked off by noticing something we have done well. An accountant may notice a page in his ledger that strikes him as being very neat and the work accurate. This may lead to smugness and imagination of his superiors talking about him, `He's the best we've had!'
Or a photographer is impressed by a couple of photographs he's taken. He may imagine a couple of friends looking at the photographs and being impressed also, `These are excellent!'.
Or a footballer after he's had a good game maybe he's scored a couple of goals might imagine a couple of other players talking about his performance, `His second goal was terrific!'
And so on and so on: `He's the best mechanic I've ever been to!'
`She must add something because there's certainly something special about her cooking!'
`His accounts work is always spot on!'
`Did you see how he fixed that boiler?' `Yes, and he's a civil servant!'
`She never gets worked up!'
The pleasure we usually experience with the above remarks is similar to the pleasure we experience when someone actually praises us. The pleasure can be seen in oneself and also in other people. It's probably based on the desire to be `better' than other people; and conversely we may experience displeasure. These impressions can enter and cause havoc. There's something unsatisfactory and sickly about these reactions. Self-observation can give us material to help us be on our guard when we are in these situations.
I work with someone who is a good example of this kind of thing. He has a great catalogue of personal achievements which he is not shy to impart to anyone he has contact with. He moves from one boast to another with great ease, and to spend any length of time with him can be tiresome. He is also extremely critical of one person in particular. I mentioned to Dave (braggart) one day that Brian (usual victim) had to do a software reset on a machine. Dave had never done anything like this. He looked at me as if I had given him some terrible news and in an obvious state of shock he said, `I bet someone helped him'.
There's an aspect of these reactions which is interesting. These reactions are childish (although Dave is in his fifties) and they need to be checked or controlled. Someone in this situation is vulnerable. The thinking centre knows that it needs to put a check on these feelings. This can be illustrated by a personal experience. I recently went to a Tai Ji Qan class and the teacher watched us try something new. He then asked the three of us to repeat the new part of the form. I happened to be one of three chosen. When we had finished he said something like, `William you're very nearly there; Helen you're half way there;' and pointing to me he said, `You're not there at all'.
This didn't affect me a great deal at the time, but it had certainly been received. A couple of days after this I caught myself in imagination. I was arguing with the teacher trying to put him down. He said, `Why is William better?' I replied, `Do you really want to know?' The answer might be too much for him, but I still continued, `Well, maybe William practices five times as much as me, but he's only twice as good!'
There was this need to attack the teacher, but at the same time there was only a certain amount of venom I could use. There was part of the mind which censored the attack. It reasoned that the teacher is respected and well liked, and I may not get much support from the rest of the class. In fact the situation could rapidly deteriorate. This part of the mind knew how vulnerable I could be. If the class turned on me how would I cope?
In the Work there is this idea of self-remembering or applying the first conscious shock. There is usually nothing very conscious at the entry of impressions; however there is a mechanism which sorts out impressions. It throws out impressions which cause pain and takes in impressions which will feed our self-love. It will reject an idea from someone else because it didn't come from ourselves. This is the kind of pain I mean.