MacHiei

by Pan
 
 

Pro-Epilogue
 

So we end the great tale told by Shakespeare mutilated by a fic
author... Macbeth... MacHiei...

Hiei: I am *GLAD* I am still alive.
Yukina: Hiei-san!
Hiei: Suddenly, I don't feel so glad...
Yukina: *starts getting all fussy* Are you hurt? Ew, you smell of grapes...
Do you have any broken bones or torn skin tissues? I've been improving and
I'm now a great healer...
Hiei: *choking sounds*

 Actors, clear the stage... audiences, thank you very much... really
sincerely, would you like to stay? There's yet another more interesting
programme coming up, right in stall for you...

Kurama: Now's a good time to tell her who you are, Hiei.
Hiei: *choke* WHAT?!
Yukina: Tell me what, Kurama-san?
Kurama: Hiei has something to tell you.
Yukina: Hiei-san?
Hiei: ...
Kurama: Tell her!
Yukina: Huh?
Hiei: Yukina... I... I... *turns away* How am I supposed to do this, Kurama?
Kurama: It's very simple. You just tell the truth.
Hiei: Telling the truth is not simple. Not for me.
Yukina: Hiei-san!
Hiei: *GULP* Hn?

 The innocent Yukina pulls Hiei to one side, deviating herself from
Kurama, who does not seem to mind a little bit.

Kurama: It's his problem, let him settle it himself.
Mukuro: What's that in your hands, Kurama?
Kurama: Ummm... the fic writer just passed it to me. Let's take a look
together.

Yukina: Hiei-san... I... would like to ask you a question... *blush*
Hiei: ... *GULP* And what is that?
Yukina: You know... Kazuma-san just asked me whether we could 'get married.'

 There is a three seconds pause as everybody nearby who has heard the
lines turn around to watch Hiei's reaction.

Hiei: What's 'get married'?
Yukina: I don't know... but Kazuma-san said to get married, the girl needs
to have someone from her family to be present...
Hiei: And what does it concern m-... oh no...
Yukina: Yes...
Hiei: *MORE GULPS*
Yukina: *edging closer* Hiei-san...
Hiei: YES?
Yukina: Hiei-san! Since I haven't been able to find my brother... could you
please stand in as my brother? Please?
Hiei: *That was close...* Um... but... what's 'get married'?
Yukina: I don't know?

 The audience is spared from another 'have you found my brother'
episode... but is churned into another disastrous one...

Mukuro and Kurama: GASP!!
Kurama: NO!
Mukuro: It can't be!
Kurama: NOOOO!!! Why me... ??? MUKURO!
Mukuro: Well, there's nothing I can do... in fic-kality, the author rules...
Shizuru and Genkai: What's going on?
Mukuro: Take a look at this.

 The three girls are having very much fun with the script I have just
passed to Kurama. Hmmm... I'm sure they've gotten the message pretty well...
haven't you girls?

Genkai: I don't believe this...
Shizuru: I REFUSE to believe this!!
Mukuro: Let's face it girls, and get out of here as soon as we can...

 Mumbling, they exit the stage.

Kurama: No wait! Don't go, girls!
Genkai: Well, you've read what's on that thing too.
Kurama: Don't leave me alone here!
Shizuru: Kurama, you're a guy, not a girl.
Kurama: I know.
Mukuro: So stay put and be good. We're going offstage to watch.

 The devastated Kurama re-examines the script with distaste.

Kurama: Why are you doing this to me...

 Because I'm biased.

Keiko: What's up, Kurama-sama?
Kurama: *hastily hides the script* Nothing much! And... you'll be staying on
stage wouldn't you?
Keiko: Huh? Of course I will... I still need to patch up the hole in the
stage...
Kurama: But after that???
Keiko: I'll be offstage! Ahahahahaa... Kurama-sama, everybody's received a
copy of the script you're hiding already...
Kurama: Is that so...
Kuronue: Yup.
Yomi: Hoh hoh hoh hoh... I pity you, Kurama...
Karasu: I don't.
Kurama: LEAVE ME ALONE! AAAAAAAAAA!!!
Hiei: Hn. Big talk. You can handle it, Kurama.
Kurama: *buries head in hand* Even Hiei is saying this. I'm doomed for.
Karasu: Yes you are, my dear fox...
Kurama: I AM NOT YOUR FOX !@#$%^&^*%#!
Karasu: *flips through script* Hmmm... okay... soon-to-be-mine fox...
Yukina: Bye bye, Hiei 'brother'! All the best to you, boys!

 Remember, Kurama, that you promised Hiei he would never have to star
as a lead in another one of my warped Shakespeare turnovers. You got your
wish... I intended to cast Hiei as the lead, but based on your promise...

Kurama: But you're too much!

 And how am I too much?

Kuronue: Well, let's put it this way. You've removed all the girls from the
play completely. Look here... it's in big, bold letters on top of the first
page of the script... "ALL MALE CAST"...

 Audiences, please don't be mistaken... in Shakespearean times, women
were not allowed to act, so young boys who looked and sounded like girls
were usually asked to do the female roles. In trying to keep with the
absolute realisticism of the play, I have resorted to casting an all male
cast in the next Shakespeare challenge.

Kurama: I demand that I switch roles!
Karasu: *dismayed* But why?
Kurama: BECAUSE OF YOU!

 Now now now... people, 'Romeo and Juliet' is not a very hard play to
play along with...

Kurama: NOT WHEN YOU'RE ACTING AS JULIET!!
Yomi: Hoh hoh hoh... more more and more interesting...
Hiei: Hn. Ne, Kurama, it's now YOUR turn to be feeling the anxieties to be a
lead of a lousy play... MWAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!
Kurama: You dare gloat?
Hiei: *GULP* No... I wasn't... gloating...

 And so we also begin the prologue of another great Shakespearean
challenge. May I, audiences, have the permission to introduce the bereaved
cast of Romeo and Juliet to you...
 Romeo Montague... or should I say...

Karasu: Karasumeo... pleased to meet you.
Kurama: *wails* Life is hard on me...

 And I don't have to introduce our next main lead... but Juliet
Capulet...

Kurama: *sigh* Kuramaliet, and I'm not pleased to meet anybody in this...
Karasu: *laughs* Life is being very kind to me...

 Plus, all our side characters, also very important to the play,
which we shall now be known to.

Yuusuke: Yahoo!! I am Lord Yuutague. Father of Karasumeo.
Kuwabara: WHAT?!?! How could I, suave and handsome, tall and brave Kuwabara
Kazuma be actually acting as a girl!? Lady Kuwatague... this is ridiculous!

 Don't you think your voice is near one of the female qualities? Say
no more, Lady Kuwatague... you will do very fine... next please.

Yomi: Hoh hoh hoh... more and more interesting! Can you believe I was casted
as Lady Yomipulet? Oho hoh hoh hoh hoh...
Raizen: At least I'm a guy... but the one acting as my wife is...
Yomi: Shut up. You think I want this? Hmmm... wait a minute, does this
entitle me to Raizen's part of Makai should we get a 'divorce'? Hmmm...
Raizen: I am Lord Raizenpulet. And no, you will get none of my inheritance.
Yuusuke: They're all mine! AHAHAHAH!!

 Very well, lords and ladies...

Kuronue: Friar Kuronue is pleased to meet you. I play a major part, because
I marry off someone in the play...
Hiei: Hn. Count PaHieiRis.
Bui: Best friend of Karasumeo, Buicutio.
Koenma: Prince of the fair city Verona, Prince Koenma.
Ani: Cousin of Kuramaliet, Anibalt.
Ototo: Cousin of Karasumeo, Ototolio.

 And the others, are some meessy maassy characters I can find off the
Ankoku Bujuutsukai and henchmen of Sensui...

Jin: Oh no...
Touya: It's our turn?
Chuu: Hmm... *HIC*... what did *HIC* you say?
Rinko: I don't have a very nice feeling about this at all...

 The names are confusing, my dear audiences, but I hope this will not
deter you from reading about the tragic and touching tale of the two 'star
crossed lovers'... Romeo and Juliet... or should I say...

Kurama: Wait a minute.

 Any more role rejections, Kurama?

Kurama: Didn't you say you were a non-yaoist?

 I still am.

Kurama: Then... why the sudden pairing up... :::shudders:::

 Hah hah hah hah... you'll see what I mean by threading on the thin
line of yaoi and non-yaoi. Audiences, the following play is essentially non
yaoi... you may read it in another way, of course, just don't tell me. In
any case... the scene is set... Karasumeo and Kuramaliet... shall to the end
of the tale be told as yet...

Karasu: Ahah ahhahaa... come, my dear fox...
Kurama: *gives Karasu a tight slap*
Karasu: Ouch...
Kurama: Hm... I've ALWAYS wanted to do that...

END PRO-EPILOGUE
 
 
 

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