Dear Advice Guy,

   I've got a problem. Ya see, there is this guy that I know. I really like him but I always seem to be saying the wrong things to him. I usually end up feeling like a real idiot because something has been said that shouldn't have been said. Or it seems like something is almost always being taken the wrong way. I mean for something to be funny and it comes off not being funny. And it is really starting to upset me. I'm to the point of no longer talking to this guy since I only seem to upset him or hurt his feelings. Got any ideas?

Cant tell ya

Dear Cant tell ya,

   Your problem is a classic example of the struggles men and women go through while trying to communicate. Since it is impossible for men to understand women, let me give you some insight that might help you understand men.  The following are some truths about men and the way we think  By knowing these facts, you will have a better grasp of the male mind and a better chance of furthering your relationship.

1. Pizza is a food group
2. Blow jobs
3. If you break something that your man couldn’t fix, it never worked in the first place.
4. Don’t ask our opinion if you don’t want the answer.
5. More blow jobs
6. You own enough shoes already!
7. Latent homosexuality only applies to all men if you take into consideration that every man would blow the guy that invented beer.
8. No matter how old we get, farts are always funny.
9. We don’t care if you saw it on Oprah, its just not true!
10. Isn’t it time for a blow job?
11. Although our penis may have replaced the lobe in our brain that controlled sensitivity, your need for shopping replaced the part of your brain that use to tell you when to get out of the bathroom.
12. No matter how helpless or inept at domestic duties we are, we will never ask you to kill a spider for us.
13. Your tits are a spectator sport. Get use to it.
14. If it is broadcast on a weekend and a score is kept, we are going to watch it.
15. Nothing beats a passionate kiss and a hug (followed by a blow job)

I hope this is of some help to you

~The Advice Guy