Volume 12.
Kira's in her room packing. Her mother comes in, looking at her sadly, and asks whether Kira needs anything. Watching Kira, she
realizes that there's probably nothing more she can do for her daughter. She gives Kira her bracelet (the one Rei gave her in the
beginning of the series, which she broke when fighting off her stepfather), which she's fixed, and wishes her happiness, crying.
Rei sits on a planter outside waiting for Kira. Kira comes out, carrying a bag of her winter clothing.
Kira's in a semi-panicked stage, modeling a dress and cardigan-type thing for Rei. It seems they're going to dinner with Rei's father,
at some high-class restaurant, and Kira's nervous. ^_^ Rei's extreeeemely apathetic about it, though, and goes to brush his teeth.
Kira asks him what kind of person his father is, and Rei responds that he gives off a "hateful feeling." (as in, Rei doesn't like him.)
Basically, Rei says that his father is cold-blooded and cutting, a bit cruel, and unfeeling... and leaves for work, telling Kira to
remember to meet him at the station. Kira's left to ponder over what Rei's said, and remembers what Sonoko told her--that Rei's
father is a "useless to the point of being pitied, sad man.."
Rei and Kira arrive at the restaurant, which is this very traditional Japanese - looking place. (hmm...think Soujirou's house, in hana
yori dango....or if you're not an HYD fan...then...just picture the shoji screens, the rock/sand garden...yeah, ok) And they're led to the
room where Rei's father is standing, looking at the garden. Kira sees him, and is shocked--he's the man from the art exhibit! The
one who wanted to buy her painting of Rei! He motions for her to keep quiet, and not let Rei know that they've met before, so they
introduce themselves and sit down. The hostess-lady of the place comes along and recognizes Rei. It seems that the Kashino family
has been coming to this restaurant for generations...starting with Rei's grandfather. When Rei and Sei were small, their father used
to bring them there also. The hostess remembers that Sei was a nice, quiet little boy, very obedient, but Rei was super-hyper and
never settled down. She says that at one point, Rei punched out all the paper of all the shoji screens in the entire restaurant, and
left her unable to do business (Rei gives her a pissed-off look and comments to the effect of "you looking for a fight, old lady?" ^_^;;).
The hostess also remembers Rei's grandfather bringing his two sons (Rei's father and his younger brother, Akihiko) there to eat. Rei's father calmly replies that his father didn't bring him as often as he brought Akihiko, because
Akihiko was the favorite younger son. The hostess tries to say otherwise, but he just continues and says that everyone spoiled Akihiko even
though he was always doing whatever he wanted and inconveniencing everyone. At this the hostess can't help but agree, and starts
to say something about "You wouldn't have thought such a happy person as Akihiko should have died in such a way--"...but stops, and
goes off to get their food.
After the hostess leaves, Rei's father asks Kira whether she's really going to marry Rei. He says he doesn't disapprove, really; to the
contrary, he actually is grateful to her because without her influence, Rei would never have done such a turnaround (behavior-wise)
and actually gotten willing to be serious. Kira responds that she's able to be what she is because of Rei. Rei's father tells her that it's
all well and good to think of things like that, but is there really a need for her to sacrifice her future? It seems she's applied to the
school for withdrawal as well. Rei didn't know about this, and is shocked, and tells Kira to go back to school! Kira refuses, saying she
can't just keep going to school while he's quit and is trying to slave away for their future. She says it's ok if she doesn't go to art college,
as long as she can be with Rei. They're having a mini-argument about this, and Rei says he'll think of a way for her to go to art college,
when Rei's father interrupts and says that Rei doesn't have the means.
As the hostess comes back and begins to serve the food, Kira thinks to herself that Rei and his father actually are blood-
related...Rei drops something with his chopsticks, and his father asks the hostess for a fork or something, since Rei grew up outside
Japan so doesn't have a good handle on a lot of traditional/cultural Japanese things. The hostess, bringing Rei a fork, asks whether
his younger brother has also returned to Japan? There's a stunned silence, and then Rei's father smoothly replies that Sei has stayed
in America, studying painting. The hostess smiles and says that when Sei comes back to Japan, they should all come back and eat
again. After she leaves, Rei's father tells Rei and Kira that since his father, his brother, and his wife all died, he doesn't want to easily
tell others about more tragedy in the family. He (somewhat sadly, I think) tells Rei that he realized the two of them are all that's
left of the Kashino family. He hopes that, as family, they will no longer hurt one another. He turns to Kira, and says that if she's
willing to become a member of their family (despite all the ugly things that've happened), he'll do everything in his power to help her.
He also says that he wants her to become Rei's fiancee and for her and Rei to go live with him until she graduates from high school.
(He implies here that Rei's already agreed to this.) Both Rei and Kira are shocked at this statement, and it sets Rei off. He says that
even though they've got a lot to be grateful to his father for, they still want to be able to do what they'd like. His father merely tells him
to face the future more calmly, and not influence Kira's future steps for the worse. This gets Rei even angrier, as he says that
his father always has to have his way no matter what. He says that his father makes things seem so nice on the surface, but actually
he just doesn't want another person in the Kashino household who hasn't graduated from high school. Rei yells at his father, saying
that he hasn't even seen a single one of Kira's drawings, and yet he says all this about her going on to art college--at this point, Kira
interrupts and finally tells Rei that she *has* seen his father before, and that it was at the art show where he'd praised her work and
wanted to buy it. Rei thinks Kira's tricked him (heh..i can't tell whether he's really angry with her, or just somewhat annoyed and mock-
angry...), but his father just says that up till now, Kira hadn't known that he was Rei's father. Rei's seriously peeved now, and takes off,
calling for Kira to follow. They both leave, Kira nodding farewell to Rei's father.
The two of them end up at a little restaurant. Kira wishes she got to eat the fancy cuisine at the other place, but agrees when Rei
says that when a person's hungry, anything tastes good. She then tells Rei what she really thinks of his father--that Sonoko is right, that
his father really is a "useless to the point of being pitied, sad man." Rei just says she's been bought so easily...and that his father will
probably summon them to live with him soon. Kira wonders why Rei's so upset about it, since no matter how long he's been out of the
country for, this is his old home he's talking about, the place where he grew up. Rei just says when something is detestable to you,
you'll hate it no matter what, and that the house is so huge it's awful.
A black car (is it a Benz? Hmm..) comes to the apartment building to pick Rei and Kira up. Jin and Ken watch from above and wonder
what the heck Rei and Kira have gotten themselves into now. ^_^;;; They arrive at Rei's father's house, which is huuuuuge.
Kira's stunned, and just stands and stares in the entryway. Rei tells her to go on in, and that she doesn't have to take off her shoes
because they have a lot of foreign visitors so it doesn't matter. Kira observes the living room, and tells Rei that she can kind of
understand why he doesn't like the house now...it gives a person a feeling of being trapped? Rei smiles at her and invites her to his
room. There's like nothing there, and Kira asks whether he's got anything like photo albums to look at. (he comments that
a garage is more like his real room.) Rei says they're probably in Sei's room, and goes to get them. Kira asks to go along. At first
Rei hesitates, then agrees, saying that since she's an artist she might be able to understand Sei's room better. Rei cracks open Sei's
door and Kira is stunned by the first thing she sees there--a canvas set on an easel with a painting of Rei on it.
The walls of Sei's room are plastered with drawings of Rei. They're everywhere.
Rei wonders whether all those pictures in Sei's room are actually of him. He comments that though Sei always used him as a model,
maybe he was only pretending to draw Rei, and was actually drawing himself... Kira finds a photograph that slipped out of the album.
She picks it up, and it turns out to be a picture of Rei and Sei's biological father (their legal uncle). It's actually the photo that Rei had
shown Sei when he told him about their real father. Kira comments that they really do look a lot like their real father. She smiles and
says that Rei and his father have the same habit of tilting their left eyebrow when they smile. Rei listens to this in shock, and
remembers a scene from his childhood, with his mother--
The two of them decide to wander around the house. Kira wonders about this room at the end of the hall, and it turns out that it's Rei's
mother's room. He says that when they'd come back from LA after their mother's death, they'd found the room to always be locked. At
one point he'd picked the lock for fun and gotten in. Now, though, the door isn't locked, and Rei and Kira enter. It's very neat, and the
first thing that catches Kira's eye is a large painting of Rei's mother hanging on the wall. She comments that Rei's mother was very
beautiful, and Rei just says that the artist probably flattered her because she wasn't that pretty in the photos he and Sei'd seen at their
aunt's house in LA. Kira sees a sewing basket, and reaches over but gets pricked by one of the needles. Rei takes her hand and licks
the wound, and Kira laughs and reminds him of that time when she'd cut herself with her matte knife (remember? Harumi'd caused it)
and he'd licked her wound. Rei says that it seems to be a strange habit he'd picked up from his mother, as she'd licked his wounds
when he got pricked by her needles. Kira says this must be a nice memory to have--of his mother caring about him like that--and Rei
repeats what she's said somewhat absently (and a little questioningly). He seems to be thinking of something, when suddenly his
father comes in to ask what they're doing. He's not angry with them for going into Rei's mother's room, though, and just says that he
used to make sure it was locked because Rei and Sei were still small, and he didn't want them to think about their mother's death.
He comments that they should air the room out once in a while, or else "it would be too sad/pitiable." At this, Rei seems to remember
something from his past--something about his father saying that his mother "becoming like this would be too sad/pitiable for the
children." He doesn't seem to finish the memory, though, and the three of them go down to dinner.
At the dinner table, the three of them sit and eat at a table meant for 8. Kira seems a bit uncomfortable, watching Rei and his father,
and his father asks her what's wrong. She tries to make conversation, asking what kind of meat they're eating, and his father replies
that it's duck. He says that duck is Rei's favorite meat, at which Rei (rather abruptly) says that duck was Sei's favorite meat, not his.
This makes for even tenser situation, and Kira tries to make conversation again by saying that Rei actually really likes fish, like a whole
bunch of Japanese fish dishes. She says they're all very traditionally Japanese, just that Rei isn't too good at using chopsticks...at which
Rei glares at her and makes a cutting comment. (I think it's kind of...mock anger though.) The two of them are haggling about it when
Rei's father, smiling, says it's been a long time since their dinner table had so much activity going on, and suggests that Rei and Kira move
in with him since their apartment building's going to get torn down anyway. He says that Rei doesn't have to work anymore, since he's
going back to school, and that he's really very relieved since Rei has said he'll stop riding motorcycles.
Kira's incredibly shocked at this new bit of information, and asks Rei about it later. She asks whether he did it because of her--so that
his father would help them--but he says no, it was a decision he'd made after he'd thought about everything for a while. He says that
when he'd gotten down to thinking about getting married to her, racing motorcycles just didn't seem that hot anymore, and inheriting
his father's company had seemed the better thing to do. Kira's still very questioning about this, and Rei asks her whether it would be
better if he were a racer instead of a regular office-person. Kira says that him being an office person would of course give her more
peace of mind, but.....at which point, Rei just says "that's good, then" and goes off to take a shower. Kira just stares after him as he
walks whistling away.
Rei comes out of the shower to find that Kira hasn't slept yet. She says the room is too big, and she can't rest peacefully. (Their room
is like a hotel room...) Rei agrees. Kira asks whether she can go to Sei's room again, since it seems the smell of art supplies relaxes
her. Rei consents, and tells Kira that his psych doctor used to say that painting is a display of the world in a person's inner heart. After
Kira leaves, Rei stops smiling. He goes to his mother's room and stands in front of her painting. He says something wonderingly about
his mother really loving him, and stares. As he's looking at the painting, one of her hands which is resting innocently suddenly seems
to reach out of the painting and towards Rei's neck. He jumps back, and wonders about it, holding his neck.
Kira's in Sei's room, looking at canvases of his work. She notices that besides a couple scenery paintings, all of Sei's work is of Rei.
She wonders whether he really likes drawing portraits of people, when she sees a canvas of what seems like an abstract work. She picks
up the canvas and takes a look at it, wondering about what Rei said before (about painting being a display of the world in a person's inner
heart). She finds it strange that the painting seems like a random smearing of colors. Suddenly Kira notices that there's something
strange about the middle of the painting---that there seems to be something with four corners, shaped like a rectangle, that's embedded
in the painting...something like a piece of paper...immediately the thought occurs to her that it may be a suicide letter. She grabs a
tool and slits the canvas carefully open. Inside the rectangle is an envelope.
Rei is sitting in his mother's room still, contemplating the painting. He wonders why he just had that sudden flash, where his mother
was trying to strangle him to death.
Kira's in Sei's room, holding the envelope she's found. She remembers Kyoko saying that Sei didn't leave any suicide note or anything,
as he had always had an inclination towards that. Her first reaction is to go find Rei, to tell him about this letter...however, she stops
with her hand poised above the doorknob, thinking about it--if Sei had really wanted someone to read this letter, he would have put
it in a place that was easily noticeable. As it was, probably no one would have ever found the letter. She decides that Sei actually
didn't want anyone to find it, and didn't even want to write it himself--but couldn't stop himself. He just had an uncontrollable urge to
write his real feelings out, but hide it from the world. Kira thinks that she probably shouldn't read the letter, and yet--if it's Sei's true
feelings, she wants to know what they are...She opens the letter and begins to read...
Rei: Ready to leave?
[Kira nods.]
Kira: I won't ever need to come back here again. [smiles] From now on, the two of us are a family.
[Rei looks a bit surprised at her words.]
Kira: Let's go...back to our home.
[Rei's eyes soften, and he takes Kira's hand, which has the bracelet on it.]
[The two of them walk off, Rei carrying Kira's bag over his shoulder with one hand, holding onto Kira with the other.]
Rei/Narration: Let's go home.
Father: You're only eighteen. How could you have the capacity to support another person's life?
[Rei looks shocked, then looks down, his hair covering his eyes.]
Rei: You're right. Even now, we wouldn't be able to be sitting here if it weren't for you. Because of your financial strength, we can sit
here peacefully.
Father [watching Rei]: Your bad habit has surfaced again. Why do you put out such a _____expression?(okay, I'm not sure how to
translate this. I guess you could say this phrase means sort of painful forced humbleness? So that kind of expression.)
[Rei looks surprised]
Father: You're always like this. Why do you have to overanalyze/twist the motivations for everything? Why can't you just simply accept
other people's good intentions? [He pushes up his glasses] Where did you get this temper of yours?
Rei [suddenly has a serious, cold look on his face]: From your younger brother, isn't that right?
Kira [shocked]/ !?
Rei: I don't know whether he was spoiled while he grew up, but--
[Rei looks extremely cold here. Half his face is in shadow, and he's cast against a black background.]
Rei: But he was definitely a free, irresponsible person--free to the point where he could even sleep with his own sister-in-law...
("free" isn't exactly the best word to be using here, but i couldn't think of a better translation. and i believe if i want to be really accurate,
Rei would've used a stronger word/phrase than "sleep with"...) And I...aren't I the child of that kind of person--
Kira/ REI!?
[The three of them sit at the low table in silence as the words hang in the air above their heads.]
Narr: And I...aren't I the child of that kind of person--?
Kira [shocked]: These are all you--? Wow......all of these were drawn by Sei?
Rei: Stupid huh? He would only draw portraits. ----And not only that, he had to plaster his entire room with pictures of someone who
looked exactly like himself. He used to always use me as a model. Maybe because it was convenient? Because I was always right
there with him. [Picture of Sei painting.] At first I thought it was pretty fun, so I'd do a lot of poses and stuff, but after I realized that
he could go on forever, I started getting annoyed. Finally, after that, I couldn't get used to being a model ever again.
[The canvas of Rei. Kira looking at him, pausing.]
Kira: Last time I wanted you to be my model must've been quite a chore for you....
Rei [making a funny shrugging motion, his hands palms facing up and head turned to one side]: This is why it's called love, understand?
Kira [looking down, noticing all Sei's pastels and drawing supplies]: If he was still alive, maybe he'd be even more diligently learning
to draw.
[Image of Rei's father at the art exhibit.]
Father [in memory]: Please draw more good drawings in the future.
Kira [looking up, smiling a little]: Your father might have told me to continue drawing because he thought "if Sei were still alive, he would
probably want to do thus"---So he hoped I wouldn't give up.
Rei [looking at her, then looking down and sighing a little]: It's strange, it's like all the people you[Kira] meet, you can find some way to
make them seem good people.
Kira: ! I don't make them seem good people, your father really is a good person!
Rei: Right right right. [aside: saying anything to someone who's got a love-their-father complex is useless...]
Kira: What did you say?
Rei: Nothing, I didn't say anyyyyything. The photo album's here.
Kira [looking at a picture of Rei and Sei in a hammock together]: Wow, how cute! How old were you?
Rei: Hm, 8 or 9 years old, probably--
Kira [pointing]: What about this one?
Rei: About 12... Do you know which one was me?
Kira [smiling]: Of course! [indicates a grinning boy, winking and holding thumbs-up] This one's you, [indicating a boy smiling, holding his
arms up in the air] and this one's Sei.
Rei [looking surprised]: How did you know?
Kira [grinning]: This is why it's called love, understand?
Mother: Rei, you're growing to look more and more like your father! When you smile, you look so much like him.
Rei realizes that when his mother had said that, this is what she'd been talking about. He wonders that such a small thing would make
her remember a dead man. Kira smiles sadly, looking at the photo, and says that she believes that Rei's mother was for real, and
genuinely loved his biological father--loved him so deeply that even such a small detail was etched clearly in her memory. She says
that she believes Rei's parents really loved each other when they had Rei and Sei. Rei, looking down, seems to have a sadder (is
he going to cry?) expression on his face. His eyes are hidden.
Rei: That's strange...shouldn't a mother love her children? Why would she need to strangle me to death?
[Notices the pincushion with needles in it.]
**flashback**
Narr: Whenever my finger got pricked by my mother's needles, she would lick my wound...
Kira: That sounds like a good memory!
Rei: A good memory....Why do I only have these blurry, broken memories of my mother? That day also....I remember I was alone,
playing by my mother's side...
Mother: That hurt! [she gazes at her hand]
[Little Rei looks up from playing with his ball]
Rei: What's wrong, Mother?
[Her finger's bleeding]
Mother: I accidentally pricked myself with a needle.
Rei: Does it hurt? Does Mother hurt?
[His mother smiles, then takes Rei's hand and pricks his finger with a needle. Blood drips from the wound.]
Mother: Do you understand now? This is Mother's pain. [she's smiling] Isn't that great? Now Rei is feeling the same pain as Mother is!
Rei is always with Mother...if Rei died, Mother would die with Rei.
**end flashback**
Rei sits, stunned, in his mother's chair.
Maybe everyone will be mystified by my death--everyone except one person.
Sei sits at a desk writing, and a picture of his biological father falls down. Rei comes along, and tells him to look at the photo,
asking him whether he doesn't think it looks a lot like them? Rei tells Sei that their mother had an affair with their uncle, and so
they aren't really their father's sons.
Maybe Rei will blame himself, thinking that it's because of his words that I was pushed to this final road...
But actually, I wasn't hurt by what Rei said.
Kira's surprised.
Because I knew from a long time ago that we aren't our father's biological children.
That's right, I knew it long before Rei found out the truth.
Aunt: Do you think we should tell Rei to stop racing? If he was doing it just for fun that would be okay, but lately I've noticed that he's
gotten more and more lost in it...
Uncle: What's wrong with that?
[Sei walks by the door with a sketchpad.]
Aunt: It's just that sooner or later we're going to have to send them back to Japan, and if we let him get so involved in life in LA, that
won't be too good for him, will it?
Uncle: There's no cause for us to make him stop racing! He's actually got the qualities of a really great racer.
Aunt: Well, even so, it's really up to his father to make the decision...we don't have a say in the matter.
Uncle: ..........What about if we adopted Rei, what do you think?
Sei: !
Aunt: Are you serious?
Uncle: Of course. Any way, Rei is blood-related to you, and also....well, fortunately or unfortunately, we have no children of our own...
and since Sei and Rei are twins, Kashino shouldn't have a problem with giving us one of them....and furthermore, they're not even his real
children.
[Sei is stunned at these words.]
It might not be an exaggeration to say that at the time, I received a heavy blow.
But that kind of thing...doesn't really matter.
It's fine that we're not our father's real children
or if someone only wants to adopt Rei.
These problems aren't really important.
What's really important is the problem in my heart.
In my heart there lives a formless monster.
No matter how I try to suppress this monster, it continues to exist in my heart.
A bunch of bullies in LA are picking on Sei. They beat him and he cowers in the corner. Flash to another scene, where Rei is standing
over the aforementioned bully, a gun aimed into his mouth. Sei watches, face still bloody, from a distance away. His face is
expressionless at first--then gets a sort of creepy grin as he says "Die." (like Kira when Rei stood over her father with that piece of
concrete, except Sei adds a derogatory term after the "die" part...) Rei pulls the trigger, but nothing happens. Rei continues to pull
the trigger, and it seems that Sei comes back to himself. The bully is crying, nose running, and ends up throwing up on the ground.
Maybe it started then,
I realized that within my body,
There existed a cruel, alternate self.
At the time, my heart inexplicably
beat madly, as if it were anticipating
what would take place thereafter, anticipating Rei blowing the guy's
head into pieces, as if it were waiting
for some activities, very interestedly/excitedly anticipating.....
Oftentimes people say stuff like "respect for life"
But to me, humans are only
piles of flesh that can move.
They aren't beautiful at all.
Other than myself,
I only acknowledge the existence of Rei.
Kira looks a little scared, mostly just shocked.
Rei's cruelty and violent nature
caused me to become abnormally gentle.
The more violent Rei was, the more I was able
to make my soul tranquil.
Takemura runs to a classroom. He calls Sei, saying something about Rei...
Rei's mercilessly kicking a guy who's already lying on the ground.
Sei grabs Rei from behind, yelling for him to stop.
All I have to do is cry.
The weaker I am,
the stronger Rei is.
It's as if, through Rei, I became
more and more destructive, and Rei
probably also protected something through me!
And then...
Rei tells Sei that their father isn't their real father.
The first time Rei showed his horrible side in front of me---
Rei is slowly leaving me.
From birth, we have always been together.
Because I had Rei, I also had a normal self.
So I could be a good child...
I'm afraid of myself,
I'm not strong like Rei, with courage to face reality.
Picture of Sei, back to us, standing on the edge of the roof.
So let me--before I self-destruct---first end myself.
Takemura looks up at Sei on the roof. Sei smiles, watching Takemura leave, and hopes that Takemura hurries to tell Rei.
Rei--
Though we look identical, we're completely different.
Like the sun and the moon, our cores are completely different.
If only I were as strong as you--
Rei bursts onto the roof. Sei, looking at him, smiles.
At least, let me leave the biggest scar on your heart.
Sei: The two of us will always be together. I'll wait for you, Rei.
Kira's completely frozen.
Hoping--
That you come to my side soon--
Kira closes her eyes, covering her mouth with her hand and dropping the letters. It seems she feels sick. As she kneels on the floor of Sei's room, her eyes widen and she realizes that this is Sei's true self. She stares at the sheets of the letter on the floor.
Rei's still in his mother's room, dwelling on his mother's words that she would die with him. He mocks them, saying that she died immediately after saying them, and now all he can remember of her involves a white bed and the smell of medicine. He recalls how the only thing he had to look forward to was his weekly visit with Sei to the hospital she was at. He then questions even looking forward to it, and remembers that he was never happy about going.
**flashback**
Sei and Rei are visiting their mother. They're both supposed to be drawing, but Rei rebels. He says he hates drawing and that it's
boring. Their mother, smiling, comments that though they're twins, they're completely different since Sei loves drawing. Sei explains
that Rei loves to run around outside. The doctor shows up, laughingly noticing that Rei's the outgoing type and probably thinks the
hospital is extremely boring. Rei agrees, since just by running around the hallways he'd gotten yelled at. The doctor offers to take him
out to the central courtyard.
**end flashback**
Suddenly Rei remembers something. He recalls the doctor smiling and holding his hand, then recalls the same doctor telling him that mental wounds are not the kind that can be healed, but rather are the kind that must be dealt with/conquered. He remembers this doctor holding his hand and walking with him, as a child, and telling him these things about mental wounds more recently. Something clicks in his mind, as he remembers this doctor....
End Volume 12.