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WITHERING ON THE WINE.By Jane Fraser
The reason people give up alcoholic beverages in February is because back in Roman times this month was set aside as a feast of purification, following a gruelling couple of months of endless orgies. Italian men found it expedient to retire from the social forum for a time, to repent for all the damage done in the in vitro veritas department and to sober up by studying Virgil's adenoids, which, as those of us who devoted ourselves to the Latin language know, requires considerable sgtrength of mind.
Nothing much has changed. We spend December and January steeling ourselves against moderation. I think some people in my neck of the woods take pills that given then social stamina: let's face it, we are all getting old, we will never again be out of the danger of losing our marbles.
Most of my friends are nudging 60 and have become part of a group of avid emailers who send each other consoling messages about how to feel optimistic and cheerful in the face of encroaching senility. The perks of being old are : kidnappers are not very interested in you, noone expects you to run into a burning building, there is nothing left to lern the hard way, you enjoy hearing about other people's "operations", you can have a party and the neighbours won't even realise it, your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the local weather service and your secrets are safe with your friends becasue they can't remember them either.
The downside of approaching the stage where looming on the horizon is is a wheelchair and the prospect of daily dribbling is when your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot, when going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face and "getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot. If you're a man, alarm bells may ring when a sexy babe catches your eye and your pacemaker opens the garage door, when you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor rather than the police and when "getting a little action" means you don't have to take any fibre today.
Which brings us back to the vexing matter of booze and the cheering news that a glass or two of red wine a day works miracles with arteries which, without it, could easily become clogged. One must fortify one's body against mortality. Time for a drink!
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February is upon us and you will no doubt have given up drinking. Just for the month of course: 28 days is a long time off the plonk.
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