Family
I do not comprehend the distance between my extended family members. It seems as though we never get together except for funerals. I would say weddings, but we are even rather distant in that aspect. I realize that all families are different, but to this day, I regret not being a part of a close-knit family, who is there for one another come rain and shine. My only salvation is to make my own kids comfortable enough with me that they will bring their future families in closer to the nest. It grieves me to recall the minimal support I received from "blood" ties when both my father and husband died.
When my husband died, it began for me a tremendous inner battle. At the time, I felt such bitterness and anger for his family that in the beginning I barely talked to them. I immediately made plans to move closer to my hometown, as I could not see living so closely among "his" people without his presence. I have overcome all of this bitterness and now am much closer to his family than I feel I ever would have been had he lived. I feel their pain, they feel mine, and the empathy is a bond which has cemented our lives together forever. I love them dearly now and feel as though nothing would have been the same had he lived. Although I would like to fantasize over what "could have been", it seems reality has made a choice for me to create something better than fantasy with my in-laws. I now feel like a daughter to them and know them better than my own relatives...I can only thank them for the support they have given me and mine during our long road towards wellness.
Every one has a different relationship with their family. With mine, I seemed to be a too far out of touch when both my father's and husband's deaths occurred. When my dad died, I was 9 months pregnant at the time. Unable to board a plane to go see him when he was ill, I felt helpless to aid him at the time. My mother and brother were able to plan and attend the memorial and sent me transcripts of the service. This did nothing to alleviate my pain, if not increasing it to the fullest, as I could not memorialize him with my presence. I like to believe he understands.
My family, as small as it is, has done a lot of growing since his death. My brother and I, with whom I have always had an excellent relationship with, is still a big part of my life. My mother, with which whom it has been a long, hard road towards understanding, get along somewhat better now since my father's death. It seems that without his intervention, we are able to see each other past our own eyes, without his mediation. Although our relationship, in my eyes, still has much progress to make, it would not have come this far with him still present. Our own maturity and strength will take us further still.
