Young Widows

I do not propose to belittle ANY widow's experience as has been done to me and my friend countless times. When relating the story to people, especially other widows who spent many years with their spouse--with a wave of their hand they put off my feelings and experiences saying, "Oh, well, I had 30 years with my husband and that is much worse--I really knew him, we shared our lives." For a long time, I bit back my feelings of anger thinking maybe they were right, I have no room to speak--I only had 3 years. It wasn't until discussing this with Dusty did she put it into perspective for me.

"I had an elderly neighbor whom had lost his wife a few years earlier. One time shortly after Valentine's Day, I asked him how the holiday went for him. He replied that it was as hard as usual and reminded me that he was widowed. When I told him that it was hard for me also as I was widowed--he asked how many years I had been married. After I told him, he said that was nothing, he spent the majority of his life with his wife. My marriage was nothing!?! I asked him how much he loved his wife. He replied that she was his world. I looked him in the eyes and said, 'And my husband was my world. My love for him was no less than your love for your wife.'"

An analogy to help those who do not understand is to ask yourself the following...If you had lost two children, one age 10 and one age 2, which one would you miss more? The one that you had spent 10 years with or the one you only knew for 2? Does the time spent with someone you love make a difference or is it the depth of your love that drives your pain? Regardless of years, young widows are entitled and deserve the same respect and sympathy as ANY who has been widowed. (Yes, I'm venting a bit here.)