Blonde jokes

Blonde Jokes

As a blonde myself, I am often astonished at how much pleasure people
get from telling me blonde jokes...
and after 25 years of this I'm willing to bet I've heard 'em all!
**New jokes at the bottom!**
Here are a few of my favorites...

This blonde had a fire at her house, and called the fire Department. " Hurry, Hurry, I have a fire at my house, Please come help me!!!!" The fire chief answered:"You bet, Ma'am, we'll be right there. How do we get to your house?" The blonde says:"DUUHH! Big red truck!!!!"

THe blonde goes to the doctor and says:" Doctor, I hurt all over" DR:" You hurt all over, what do you mean?" Blonde:"See this" she touches her knee, " that hurts! See this?" touching her shoulder "that hurts! See this?"touching her cheek "That hurts, too!!" Dr:" You are a natural blonde, aren't you?" Blonde:"yes why do you ask?" Dr: "I thought so, you have a broken finger.

Why did the blonde climb the glass wall? To see what was on the other side.

What sound does a blonde going through a flashing red light make? Screech. Vrrmmm. Screech. Vrmmm.

Why did the blonde stare at the carton of Orange Juice? It said 'concentrate'

How can you tell if a blonde has just been using a computer? There's white-out on the screen!

What do you call 20 Blondes in a freezer?

Frosted Flakes.

What do you call 40 Blondes on the bottom of the ocean?

An air pocket.

A blonde walks into a store. Curious about a shiny object, she asks the store owner, "What is that?" The store owner replies, "It's a thermos." The blonde then asks, "What does it do?" The store owner replies, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The blonde thinks this is terrific and buys one. The next day, she brings her new thermos to work with her. Her boss, also a blonde, asks, "What's that shiny thing on your desk?" She replies, "It's a thermos." Her boss asks, "What does it do?" She answers proudly, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." Her boss then asks, "What do you have in there?" She replies, "Two cups of coffee and a popsicle."

80,000 blondes meet in the Kansas City Chiefs Stadium for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid" convention. The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer? One blonde steps up. The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?" After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen." Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another chance, give her another chance." The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you and the worldwide press here, I guess we can give her another chance." So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?" After nearly 30 seconds she eventuallysays, "Ninety?" The leader is quite perplexed and sighs-everyone is disheartened, the blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "Give her another chance, give her another chance." The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more good than damage, eventually says, "Ok!, one more chance. What is 2 plus 2?" The girl closes her eyes and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four." Throughout the stadium 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream, "Give her another chance, give her another chance!"

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. Whatpuzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The blonde replies....."Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde lady comes in and wants to bet $10,000 on a single roll of the dice. And she adds, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that she takes off everything but her necklace and rolls the dice while yelling, "Mama needs new clothes." Then she yells, "YES, YES, YES!! I WON, I WON, I WON." She begins jumping up and down and hugging both of the dealers. Then she picks up her money and her clothes and quickly leaves. The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally one of them asks, "What did she roll, anyway?" The other answers, "I don't know. I thought YOU were watching."

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