What do you get when you play a country & western album backwards?
Your wife back, your house back, your dog back . . .

• I can never pass a honky-tonk, and there's one on my way home.
  
  
• I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
  
  
• When the phone don't ring, you'll know it's me.
  
  
• I only miss you on the days that end in "Y".
  
  
• I'd love to live with you again, but then I couldn't live with me.
  
  
• Hey, Barnum and Bailey, can you use another clown?
  
  
• I've closed my eyes to the cold hard truth I'm seeing.
  
  
• It don't hurt me half as bad as holding you feels good.
  
  
• It seems the best in you brings out the worst in me.
  
  
• Drop-kick me, Jesus, through the goal-posts of life.
  
  
• The worst you ever gave me was the best I ever had.
  
  
• So, I'll wait for her, looking out my window through the pain.
  
  
• You went out of your way to walk on me.



• I don't know what it is, but I sure miss it when it's gone.



• It wouldn't be so bad if it hadn't been so good.



• You can't make a heel toe the mark.



• She's the trip I've been on since you've been gone.



• Flushed from the bathroom of my heart.



• It's been a hard day today, I need an easy one tonight.



• My wife ran off with my best friend, and I miss him.



• Lay back down and love me and leave the leavin' for later on.



• I turned out to be the only hell my mama ever raised.



• It's commode hugging time in the valley



• When the hangover's over, your memory's still hangin' on.



• I borrowed the shoes, but the holes are mine.



• If practice makes perfect, I'm leaving you perfect this time.



• I haven't seen you with the lights on for two nights in a row.



• Remember to remind me I'm leaving.



• Just because you got to first base don't mean you're home free.



• I knew I'd lean, but I never thought I'd fall.



• You can't even do wrong right.



• She's waiting on the tables while she's waiting for the tables to turn.



• When she's got me where she wants me, she don't want me.



• It's the bottle against the Bible in the battle for Daddy's soul.



• Sunday "Love lifted Me"; Monday "Let the good times roll".



• When she left me all she left was a reason to drink.



• She took everything but the blame.



• Liars: 1; Believers: zero.



• I've got a funny feeling I won't be feeling funny long.



• Old Glenn lived himself to death.



• While I was busy holding on, you were busy letting go.



• How long can I keep loving you if she keeps loving me.



• All I do when I go to bed is sleep now.



• Nine o'clock boy in a 12 o'clock town.



• How can a whisky six years old whip a man that's 32?



• She's just a name-dropper, and now she's dropping mine.



• You rubbed it in all wrong.



• Your love left a ring around my finger.



• It's bad when you're caught with the goods.



• How come my dog don't bark when you come around?



• If fingerprints showed up on skin, wonder whose I'd find on you?



• Does my ring hurt your finger when you go out at night?



• I bought the shoes that just walked out on me.



• He's walking in my tracks but he can't fill my shoes.



• For better or for worse but not for long.



• I can't build a bridge to get over you.



• If today was a fish, I'd throw it back.



• If you want to keep the beer cold, put it next to my ex-wife's heart.



• I need somebody bad tonight, cause I just lost somebody good.



• Red necks, white socks, and Blue Ribbon beer.



• I'm sick and tired of waking up so sick and tired.



• Four on the floor and a fifth under the seat.



• You can't go in the red playing Bluegrass.



• It takes me all night to do what I used to do all night long.



• The only thing I can count on now is my fingers.



• Send a dozen roses up to her and pour four for me.



• The devil is a woman and she wears a short red dress.



• The girl who waits on tables used to wait for me at home.



• I'll tread water as long as you think you can make it rain.



• She even woke me up to say goodbye.



• I gave her a ring and she gave me back the finger.



• Walk out backwards, so I'll think you're coming in.



• When I'm alone I'm in bad company.



• I only feel at home when I'm gone.



• When you leave Amarillo, turn out the lights.



• You pretend I'm him and I'll pretend you're her.



• What's the use to try to get over you; I've still got you all over me.



• I'd rather get picked up here than putdown at home.



• Our marriage was a failure, but our divorce ain't workin' out either.



• Leave if you don't want to lose what you came with.



• How can anything that sounds so good make me feel so bad?



• I'm going to the dogs with a bunch of swingin' cats.



• If you get the feeling I don't love you, feel again.



• She'll love you to pieces, but she won't put you together again.



• From the gutter to you is not up.



• She ain't much to see, but she looks good through the bottom of a glass.



• I was greener than the grass we laid on.



• My good girl treats me bad, but my bad girl treats me good.



• This time I hurt her more that she loves me.



• If you're ever in Houston, look me down.



• I don't mind getting burned if I can just be near the glow.



• You can't build a fire in the rain.



• Please put her out of my misery.



• It took a hell of a man to take my Ann, but it sure didn't take him long.



• On the muscle of my arm there's a red and blue tattoo, saying, "Fort Worth, I love you!"



• I can still hear the music in the restroom, but they can't see the hurt that's on my face.



• She feels like a new man tonight.



• I'll be under the table when I get over you.



• She went to the bathroom and never came back.



• I'm going to put a bar in my car and drive myself to drink.



• You're going to love yourself in the morning, 'cause I'm gonna love you all night long.



• A sad song don't care whose heart it breaks.



• Old King Kong was a little old monkey compared to my love for you.



• I wouldn't take you to a dogfight even if I thought you could win.



• Them that ain't got can't lose.



• I may fall again, but I'll never get up this slow.



• You're the busiest memory in town.



• You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.



• I'm too low to get high.



• I've never had a thing that ain't been used.



• It was always so easy to find an unhappy woman until I started looking for mine.



• Thank God and Greyhound you're gone.



• She caught me lying and then she caught a train.



• You've already put the big old tears in my eyes; why must you throw dirt in my face?



• The more I think of you, the less I think of me.



• I'm going someplace I hope I find.



• What good's a girl when there's a woman nearby?



• Don't cry down my back, baby, you might rust my spurs.



• I can't afford to half my half again.



• There's no use running if you're on the wrong side.



• When your cup of love is full, I'm begging you to pour it all on me.



• Layin' here, lyin' in bed.



• I can't find you anywhere but gone.



• I'm ashamed to be here, but not ashamed enough to leave.



• It's morning and I still love you.



• You must think my bed's a bus stop, the way you come and go.



• She stepped on my heart and stomped that sucker flat!



• The bridge washed out, I can's swim and my baby's on the other side.



• Forever, for us, wasn't nearly as long as we planned.



• Just in time to be too late.



• I'm afraid to come home early without warning.



• If you can fake it, I just might make it.



• The work we done was hard; at night we'd sleep 'cause we were tard.



• He made me dance before the music started.



• I've been a long time leaving, but I'll be a long time gone.



• What it is my woman can't do, can't be done.



• If you keep checking up on me, I'm checking out on you.



• The eyes I'm looking in at, ain't looking back at me.



• Don't tell me you're sorry, I know how sorry you are.



• The older the violin, the sweeter the music.



• How much more can she stand and still stand me?



• I gave up "good morning, darling," and "we love you, daddy," for this.



• A woman a day keeps my man away.



• It's not love, but it's not bad!



• She's just too good to be true, but she is.



• I feel better all over more than anywhere else.



• Don't come home a-drinkin' with lovin' on your mind.



• Do what you can, but behave yourself.

Jim Eason - KGO Newstalk Radio

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