Denis Leary
Lawyers . . .
Employment . . .
A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window,
"I
want to open a damn checking account."
The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have
misunderstood you. What did you say?"
"Listen up, damnit. I said I want to open a damn checking account now!"
"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this
bank."
The teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to inform
him
of her situation. The manager agrees that the teller does not have to
listen
to foul language.
They both return to the window and the manager asks the old geezer, "Sir,
what seems to be the problem here?"
"There is no damn problem," the man says. "I just won 50 million bucks in
the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking account in this damn
bank, okay?"
"I see," says the manager, "and this bitch is giving you a hard time?"
Two youngsters were walking home from Sunday School,
each deep in his own thoughts. Finally one said, "What do
you think about all this devil business we studied today?"
The other boy replied thoughtfully, "Well, you know how
Santa Claus turned out. This is probably just your Dad, too."
The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then he goes to the window, leans out and yells, "Green side up!"
The woman is most perplexed but she lets it slide. They wander into the next room. She says, "In the dining room I'd like a light white, not stark, but very bright and airy."
The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then he goes to the window, leans out, and yells "Green side up"!
The woman is even more perplexed but still lets it slide. They wander further into the next room. She says, "In the bedroom, I'd like blue. Restful, peaceful, cool blue."
The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then once more he goes to the window, leans out and yells "Green side up"!
This is too much. The woman has to ask. So she says, "Every time I tell you a color, you write it down, but then you yell out the window 'Green side up.' What on earth does that mean?"
The contractor shakes his head and says, "I have four blondes laying sod across the street."
Erma Bombec says, "Never share a car with someone you gave birth to!!"
[ I should have listened to this advice ]
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the
playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child.
Smiling sweetly the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told
if I made ugly faces I would stay like that."
The student looked up at her and surveyed her face and replied,
The blonde was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possible "TGIF" another time. The man smiled back to her and once again replied "SHIT". The blonde finally decided to explain things and this time she said "TGIF, Thank Goodness It's Friday, get it?"
The man answered . . .
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