Bad Net Night

February 2, 1998

Jevim got called to help a friend set up her new computer this afternoon, when her old one started causing her problems. She offered him dinner in return for his services, and so he went and helped her, then came back and caught me online after Babylon 5 to tell me he had to do his homework. I said I'd be on later and we'd meet up again.

We did meet up again about an hour and a half later, and that's when Jevim started having net problems. Tech's main T3 died and it was a mess for quite a while... we gave up on our backgammon game, and I had suggested

Some time later...

I sure made a mess out of things. *sigh* As I was about to say above, we were having net problems and could not establish a DCC on IRC. Then I started getting dumped off the network, and so when I got back on, I suggested we meet in our channel. Well, to my surprise, the channel that was mine last week was mine no longer. Added to the other things that had not been going right, I was furious, and Jevim knew it. I suspected that someone had stolen my channel, and he agreed with me, and got just as angry about it, and then even angrier.

The person who had registered the channel -- just this past saturday, when it had been mine two days before -- Oh geeze, I just realized what happened.... I feel so stupid! oh god, I can't believe this... Jevim and I wound up having major heartache over this and it was my own stupidity!!!!!!!

Found Connie on IRC, chatted for a few minutes til I got my head back on straight...

I do believe I have just fulfilled my stupidity quota for the rest of the millenium.

I am so eternally grateful that Jevim is as crazy about me as I am about him... every so often I get stupid and run off, especially if he gets upset about something. I have a hard time dealing with him when he's angry, and he was really angry and he was fighting for me when I ran off this time, which hurt him even more because I left. He'd said he would fight until he either got our channel back, or got banned from DalNet. I didn't want him to get banned, and I didn't think the channel was worth that, so I asked him to quit. He said NO and so I told him I was leaving IRC.

I thought I had waited long enough for the message to get to him despite the lag, but apparently not, because he told me on the phone later that he had asked me not to go. At any rate, I was very upset, and after sending him an ICQ message saying I was going offline and asking him to call me if he wanted to talk, I disconnected.

I sat and thought for a couple minutes, then wrote an e-mail to Dalnet services asking them if they could look into the problem, and when I hopped back online to send it, Jevim was gone. I knew then just how badly I'd screwed up, and when the phone rang three times without answering when I tried to call him, I expected the worst.

Jevim didn't even sound like himself when he answered the phone... I thought maybe it was his roommate and tried to pull myself back together, but it was him. He climbed up into bed, and through tears told him I was sorry, I knew I had hurt him.

I don't know how long it took us, but we eventually got ourselves and each other sorted out and calmed down. He at one point brought up the fact that I had not stood behind him one other time when I thought he was being childish, and that hurt almost as bad as knowing that I'd hurt him yet again tonight, and started me crying all over again, and that upset him. He apologized for bringing it up, and again we got each other calmed and relaxed.

His roomie decided to show up right about then, so he went into whisper-mode, and we whispered I love you's and I miss you's back and forth a few times, then wished each other sweet dreams and promised to meet each other online in the morning, then whispered goodbyes until he hung up the phone and then I hung up mine.

I laid on the bed for a few minutes, with my arms wrapped around the bear he gave me, and trying to decide if I wanted to try to sleep, or come back and finish this entry. It's obvious which choice won, and I'm glad it did, because Connie was there when I realized how stupid I had been about letting my other nickname lapse. When I did realize it, part of me wanted to call Jevim and tell him, but it's late, and his roomie was back, and I was feeling fairly stupid about it anyway, so I wrote him a message (actually as I was checking to see if my hunch was correct), and that will be waiting for him in the morning.

I hope he will still forgive me, but I know it's silly to say that, because he told me this evening on the phone that even if I told him to walk off a cliff, he wouldn't stop loving me. What did I ever do to deserve that kind of love? I really don't know, but I am so glad he is in my life.

Okay, I think I've rambled enough about my latest dumb trick. Oh, and in case you might have wondered, I wrote a memo apologizing to the person who registered the channel after I let it lapse. It wasn't his fault...

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