Some Bad News

January 14, 1998

Tonight has not been a very good evening...

I went to take a bath while Jevim was gone to dinner with Julia, and when I was in the tub, Mom got a phone call, from her uncle. I couldn't hear much of what she was saying, but I heard her crying, and so I figured that her aunt, who has been ill, had passed away.

When I was getting out of the tub, Mom asked me for my uncle's phone number, which he had given us over the phone, and I had written down (and I thought I had given to mom). She didn't say why, or what the phone call was about, so naturally I assumed the worst.

I looked, and I looked, and I could not find the phone number. Mom came in and went through all my papers (which I really hate) and couldn't find it either (no kidding?!? I'd just gone through them!!!), so I sent my uncle an e-mail, asking for his number again.

I felt bad about not being able to find the phone number, but there wasn't anyplace else I could think of to look... she tried information, and I tried looking it up online, to no avail. Jevim started asking me to play backgammon with him, and when I didn't answer right away (I was busy trying to find the stupid telephone number) he asked if something was wrong.

I told him I was really stressed, and just needed time to get myself together so I could get into backgammon, and I did. I didn't feel like playing, but I played. Mom called her other aunt, here in Missouri, and asked if she had the phone number, then told her that her other aunt is in very bad health and in need of a quintuple bypass surgery, which Mom doesn't think she'll survive. Finally, I knew that I had jumped to conclusions a little too soon, and I felt a tiny bit better.

Better enough to nuke a microwave dinner and eat it while I played more backgammon with Jevim. I did gammon him once, but he beat me the rest of the time, and as I still wasn't really in the mood to play -- it was just a convenient distraction -- and Jevim seemed to be distracted by something else as well, so I started playing FreeCell in another window.

When it was 10 Jevim's time, I asked if he was going to try to get to bed early, and he said yes, but he had time for one more game. I told him I didn't feel like playing anymore... not necessarily that I was upset about being beat, I was just depressed and worried about other things, and being beaten in backgammon wasn't helping. I asked if he felt like talking, and that got a good response from him, so I called him and we talked for a while. I just wanted to hear his voice, but at first he didn't know what to say, and I started crying, quietly, and my answers to his questions got really soft and subdued. We eventually got ourselves out of that mental state, and got to feeling somewhat better before we said goodnight.

I went to the bathroom and got a couple stray eyelashes out of my eye -- it's been sore since I wore my contacts yesterday and the eyelashes were making it even worse -- hopped back on to see how the Mid-Season draft at SportSim had gone (it hadn't, yet), then hopped back off, since Jevim wasn't on like he said he might be (to check the draft as well).

I'm going to shut down the computer once I save this, go get a drink, and curl up with a book and my teddybear... I fought with the computer earlier trying to recreate my VB program in BCB with little success (what's the equivalent of cin in a GUI app and how do I make it work???), and I don't feel like being around it anymore tonight.

G'night...

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