July 2, 1998: Gaithersburg, Maryland
3:56 PM
Okay, it's been several days since I updated, and even then I really didn't write all that much...
After we left the hotel last Sunday, we headed to Hershey, PA, where we went to Chocolate World and went on the little tour they have, showing how they make their chocolate. It's not a tour through the real factory, but it does show you the basic process.
After the tour, we went to the candy part of their souvenir shop or whatever you want to call it, and loaded up on chocolate.... Hershey's Kisses, Reese's Miniatures, Special Dark miniatures by the bag (the only place I've ever seen them sold that way and probably ever will -- those are my favorites out of the assorted miniatures pack), Special Dark chocolate syrup -- yes, syrup... I'm going to be one HYPER person after I have an ice cream sundae with that! A few other things found their way into our basket too, and in all, Jev spent about $32 on candy. Then we had milkshakes... not good for my congestion at the time, but soooo good... and I bought some postcards and a pin for Delina, who collects them.
We headed back into Maryland, and went to dinner at Pastalicious, then went and saw Good Will Hunting, which I thought was a really good movie. And yes, more deserving of the awards than Titanic... Titanic was good, but it was more mind candy than anything. Good Will Hunting was good, period. After that, we came home and sacked out for the night.
[Possible Hope Floats spoilers ahead; read at your own risk]
Monday, Jev got stuck working late, so I ate dinner alone, then when he got home, we went out and saw Hope Floats. We enjoyed the movie, but there was a part of it that brought up some old memories of mine, from when my parents split up. I tried to just let it go, and as we watched the credits, Jev and I started mock-arguing about who sang the version of "To Make You Feel My Love" in the middle . I think it's Garth Brooks, but he didn't agree. He said it was the band that was playing in the previous scene, that he saw them playing during the song... Well, the credits listed Garth as singing the song twice (it was in the closing credits, which started the whole discussion), but still, he wouldn't believe me.
We kept going with it, all the way out the door to the car, while we were at the gas station, and the rest of the way home, until it came to him asking (jokingly) who was going to let me into the house when we got there, and me saying I'd just have to find a pay phone and call mom and call the airline and get a taxi and go home (not at all serious).
He turned around and said something about having had to walk a couple miles to find a pay phone, and I guess that's what finally got me. He wasn't going to let me win the argument, even if it was all a joke.
I turned away and stared out the window, trying to keep myself together, and he apologized, but I didn't say anything as we turned down the street where he's living. I knew I was making him feel bad about it, but I still couldn't keep my voice steady, so I just reached out and laid a hand on his leg to let him know I wasn't *that* mad, but it wasn't enough. When we finally found a parking space, I turned to him and said I was sorry, I was just confused and not sure what to do.
We went upstairs and got ready for bed, and I curled up with him, just wanting to be held. Lots of things were going through my mind... mostly trying to remember more of the incident that the movie had brought to mind. In the movie, the main character (played by Sandra Bullock) finds out her husband has been sleeping with her best friend, and she packs up herself and her daughter and moves back home to Texas to be with her mother. The little girl is very unhappy about being taken away from her father, and near the end, there's a big scene where he comes back for her grandmother's funeral, and when he leaves, she thinks he'll take her with him, but he tells her he can't, and drives away, leaving her standing at the curb, crying.
I don't remember offhand if I've written about it before, but basically, when I was just about five or so, around Thanksgiving of '76, the Peanuts Thanksgiving special was supposed to be on TV. I'd been allowed to stay up to watch it, but whatever had been on before wasn't interesting enough to keep me awake. I woke up sometime in the middle of the Peanuts special to the sound of shouting.
I had been asleep in the middle of the living room floor with my little kitty pillow I guess, and just to my left was the hall leading to the front door, and the kitchen down on the right. One or the other of my parents (Mom, I think) came out of the kitchen after the other, glass Mr. Coffee carafe in hand (it had some coffee in it, though I don't know if it was hot or not), and threw it at the other. I think it hit the wall instead, and I assume it broke, but really I don't remember. The only other thing I remember at the time was that the show I'd wanted to see was over.
By Christmas of that year, Mom and I had packed up and moved in to her cousin's for a while, til we found an apartment of our own. I didn't see my dad for months, and I don't know if I even heard from him, but I remember my mom saying that the next time I saw him, I didn't recognize him, and was afraid of him for a while.
That, in itself, might not have triggered the major upset I had Monday night, but then added to all the times I've felt abandoned by my dad, and various people in my life (as in when I was younger and thought my real mother had abandoned me, and not that I'd been taken from her), Add to that the fact that (even though I didn't know it at the time of the fight) apparently my dad had a girlfriend on the sly, and that was at least part of what the whole incident was over... and I guess the scene was just enough to ... I don't know... just make all those little things into one related emotion, and totally bowl me over.
Anyway, needless to say, it took me a long, long time to fall asleep Monday night, and I'm sure I kept Jev up for at least part of it. I'd wind up curled up facing the wall, with my back to him, crying quietly, and he'd wake up enough to realize and reach over to wrap his arms around me, which was really what I needed. I never did manage to explain to him just what had me so upset, but I intend to let him read this before I post it, and try to discuss it with him now that I'm no longer temporarily insane. I know he was feeling like his joking around was what upset me the other night, but really, it was just postponing what I think was inevitable.
Tuesday morning, life went on as if nothing had happened the night before, Jev went to work, and when he got home we went out to eat at a little Chinese place at the mall, and spent a while looking around there. We went to Natural Wonders and spent some time poking through a little pocket-sized book on the different types of astrology, which was kind of interesting and funny.
I'd never read much about the Chinese Zodiac signs, but I knew that I'm a Boar/Pig and Jev is a Dragon, so he went through and read the various characteristics of the two, and how they are supposed to get along. I thought it amusing how much of it could be so right on the money, and then out of the blue, something could be totally and utterly inaccurate about each of us. Jev being so much taller than I am, I couldn't read over his shoulder, so I finally picked up another copy of the book, and turned to hobbies and interests of Pigs... "Pigs love to read and write" it said, and I pointed it out to Jev. He thought it was as funny as I did.
As always, there was some music playing in the background, and I recognized one of the songs as being from the soundtrack of the new Drew Barrymore movie that's supposed to be coming out later this summer (the name escapes me, but it's a take on the Cinderella fairytale). I liked what I was hearing, so I went over to their music section, to find out what it was: Loreena McKennitt's "The Book of Secrets" They wanted $15.99 for it, so I thought I'd wait and see if I could find it at Target or someplace with a little more reasonable price.
We did go to Target, since I wanted to look at a couple other things there as well, but no Loreena McKennitt. I did end up buying the widescreen version of Contact on video, which turned out to be on sale, though it wasn't marked as such on the rack. Jev was tired and didn't feel like going to Wal-Mart, so we headed home, and spent the rest of the evening just doing our thing.
Yesterday, after dinner at the Hard Times Cafe, I said I wanted to go CD hunting, and so Jev suggested Best Buy. Of course, we looked at all the computer stuff too, and Jev was annoyed to find out that not only was the Windows 98 plus pack several dollars cheaper there, but they were also offering a special package with the Win98 upgrade, with a CD holder, sleeves for disks, floppies, and a couple other things, which he didn't get, buying the software at CompUSA. I was good in the computer department. But just in the computer department.
I must have spent a good forty-five minutes or more looking through the music. I found the Loreena McKennitt CD, $4 cheaper, but then I also found a Billy Joel box set that I couldn't pass up, and that was $40.99. Thank Visa for my birthday present to myself! *grin* Of course, I'll have to pay the bill later this month, but by then, I'll be home and have a little more money in the bank. Okay, so I've been bad while I've been here... I don't get to go shopping near as much when I'm home, and even if I do, we don't have half the selection of stores. So there! *grin*
Today I've been lazy... I did a Jevim for lunch ... Reese's Miniatures (he told me yesterday at dinner that he'd never gotten around to lunch, just nibbled the last of his chocolate covered almonds from Hershey, until they were gone). It's nearly five now, so we should be going out for dinner soon. I did take a shower this morning, after sleeping past eleven (I did wake up while Jev was getting ready for work, but felt entirely too lazy to get up then). After my shower, I popped in the first of my four disc box set and listened.... and listened... and played Spider Solitaire (from the new 98 plus pack)... and played, and played and I still haven't won a hand *grrrr* Then I hopped online for mail and to let the CD player program grab track lists (another goodie in the plus pack), and started to answer a letter from Gillian. I found myself starting to tell her what I normally would have written in my journal, so I opened up Notepad and started typing this entry instead. I'm so behind on answering mail it's not funny.
I got a message yesterday from a friend from IRC, who caught me up on a couple things. Looks like my friend Janice is going to be getting married in the Tacoma, Washington area in September... right around my mother's birthday, so I've been thinking about asking if I can come visit my mother, and go to the wedding too (Janice had already invited me, assuming her new job worked out, and I told her it was a possibility). If I go on all the trips I'd like to, I'm really going to be a travelling fool this summer.
I'm contemplating going ahead and going to Indiana with Delina later this month (they're coming through Missouri from Minnesota) and then going up to stay with them. Hmmm... when I first mentioned Minnesota to Jev, he'd said he could possibly take a day off in August and come out for a visit... I wonder if he'd want to move it up to late July? Anyway, ... lots of possible plans. It's definitely not going to be the boring summer I was afraid of, after being so accustomed to hanging out with my former friends there in Misery.
All in all, I have to say that this past week or so has been pretty nice. Once I finally got over my PMS from a couple weeks back, and the inevetable follow-up and the cold/cough/whatever that pounced on me afterward, things have been quite enjoyable. It hasn't been quite as hot this week as it was last, either, though it's still a bit warmer than I'd like (or warm enough that I'd like being in a climate-controlled room anyway). Except for the incident Monday night, which really wasn't anyone's fault, Jev and I have gotten along quite well, and enjoyed being together. He told me earlier this week that he has tomorrow off, so we'll have a three day weekend before I have to go home.
*sigh* I don't want to go home, and if Jev were in his own place, I'd be tempted not to, but since he's staying with someone, and I'm not quite comfortable living in someone else's house, home I'll go, in just about 8 more days. Hopefully we will be able to get together again later this summer though. Then, eight more months or so of school, and we can work on building a life here.
I'm rambling all over the place, so I guess I'll wrap this up; Jev should be home any minute now anyway, and I want to put my contacts in before we go out to eat.
