Not Quite What I Meant

March 19, 1998

Yesterday's journal entry didn't quite come across the way I wanted it to. In fact, it came across totally wrong to one person in particular. Jevim mentioned last night that he had read the entry, and the first thing he said was that he was sorry. He got the impression that my laziness lately was his fault, and that's not what I meant.

We talked about it some on the phone later, and even though he said that wasn't the only thing bothering him -- his roomie was getting on his nerves, as usual, and his computer has been annoying as of late -- I think it's still bothering him some, and I don't know how to explain it so that things are clearer.

Granted, some of my computer game addiction and being spoiled that way comes from him, but that wasn't really my point. My point is that I don't have the willpower to put away the games, fire up the word processor, and write. Or work on his afghan. Or get some exercise. Or study for my online classes. I'm a lazy person, and I seem to be getting lazier by the minute at times.

For example: Last week I got a packet in the mail from the American Lung Association, with a neighborhood mailing kit I had promised I would do when they called and asked last month. They had been calling to ask Mom to do it, but she was on vacation, and I said I would do it. It was no big deal, just address some envelopes, sign the information papers and stuff them and a self-addressed envelope into 20 other envelopes and mail them out to my neighbors. They gave me all the names and addresses, so the big part of my work was done. The kit came while Jevim was here, and so I set it aside, meaning to get to it Monday, when he was back at school. I did address all the return envelopes Monday, but then I got sidetracked, playing and chatting with Jevim, and never got back to it until today.

Yes, I got sidetracked because of Jevim, but I've had three more days of him gone to classes, or over at another hallmate's, playing Nintendo, and so on, when I could have tackled it. I only just got around to it and got the letters in the mailbox today, a week after I got the packet from the Lung Association. Lazy, and a procrastinator. So that's what I want to improve and change. It's not Jevim's fault I'm lazy, it's mine.

I think what I need is one of those whiteboards, to hang here by my computer and say, "Okay, these are the things you need to work on. They don't have to be done right this minute, but if you find yourself goofing off, maybe you should be working on one of these projects, instead." Maybe I'll do just that, I know I can get a small whiteboard and markers at Wal-Mart. Yes, more toys. *chuckle* I used to be such a pinchpenny. It seems I've swung from one end of the spectrum to the other now, but I'm still managing to save up a bit here and there, so I guess it's not too bad yet.

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