Play Money

March 27, 1998

Pyramid schemes aside, I think I got the stupidest spam ever in my mailbox this morning. Twice, as usual. The spam lists have my name on them twice, and now I'm finding that they're spamming my address here, which I have never posted to any usenet newsgroup in, or given to any commercial site, which means they're harvesting it directly off my pages. I like having visitors to my pages, but not those kinds of visitors.

Anyway, about this spam...

From:  Free Secret Giveaway
To:  AmazingSecrets@WorldInner.Circle
Subject:  One Million Dollars FREE!

And I quote...

One Million Dollar Bill FREE!

Bet you have never seen a MILLION DOLLAR BILL before must less held one in your hands! To be able to actually feel the texture of the finely engraved surface and smell the new ink! Can you imagine the look on your friends and families faces when you show them a REAL, GENUINE, AUTHENTIC UNITED STATES ONE MILLION DOLLAR BILL?

WOW!

Yeah, I'd say "wow" because these people must be from some alternate dimension, where there is such a thing as a U.S. $1,000,000 bill. As far as my quick web research this morning goes, there's no legal U. S. tender in the denomination of $1,000,000 and never has been. The highest denomination I can find reference to is $10,000, and I've never seen one of those.

Not to mention you will never be 'broke' with a Million Dollars in your pocket!

As my mom says, "That and a dollar will buy you a cup of coffee." Yeah, it used to be just fifty cents, but you know how inflation goes...

The message goes on, blathering about how great a marketing scheme this is..."Great new advertising concept! Give them a Million Dollars! NO ONE throws Money away! Can you say that for your Business Cards, or ink pens, or calenders? Custom Printing available."

Hey, I use marketing-gizmo ink pens all the time!

Anyway, what I like best is that their "FREE" million dollar bill costs $2 each! Handling fee, they call it, after you send them a self addressed stamped envelope! Uh huh, estimating that a slow envelope stuffer can only stuff four envelopes per minute (I had a little experience with this when I was doing a little volunteer work for the American Lung Association), they're getting paid $8 a minute to stuff envelopes! That's $480 an hour! Talk about a get rich quick scheme!

Oh, and these "Free" million dollar bills? Well, you can order them at the bargain price... uhm, I mean 'handling fee' of 100 Bills for $75. That's a "1,000 price break" whatever the heck that is. Or even better, 1000 Bills for $600, a "10,000 price break" (can someone explain that price break thing to me?). Or you can go all out and order 10,000 Bills for $5,000.00, a "20,000 price break" and obviously the best bargain of the bunch. C'mon, this is as phony as a three-dollar bill! What do they take me for, an idiot? Yeah, right! I'm wondering if I should turn these folks over to the government for potential fraud.

Okay, end of rant. Can you tell I hate spam? Too bad you can't eat e-mail spam for breakfast; I'm hungry! Type to you later, and I'll try to update you on current events in the Westhaven household. Uh oh, mail alarm just went off again... what do you want to bet it's more spam? Okay, I was wrong, it's something from GeoCities. Bye for now!

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