Paperback Reader


Friday, May 8, 2:30pm

I've escaped for much of the day to the relative light and airiness of the bedroom. Connie has spent most of the time in the living room with the curtains closed and the television on. It's too dark and depressing for me, so I escaped into Freedom's Choice by Anne McCaffrey.

It was a decent read, though it appears to be the second of a trilogy. The third is just out in hardcover, and I managed to spend $40 on books yesterday without buying that. I'll just have to hope the library gets it soon, or wait for it to come out in paperback. I'm not so anxioius to read it that I'll shell out the hardcover price. I remember the days of $1.95 Star Trek paperbacks, and I feel like the publishing industry really charges way too much these days. And that's something I want to get into? *shaking head* I have read bits from authors about how hard they have to work to make ends meet, and I have to wonder where all this extra money goes? The booksellers? The publishing houses? Agents? Really, it's a bit ridiculous, isn't it? Oops, I'm rambling from what I wrote in my notebook entry. Back to that...

Yes, I was bad again yesterday. (Why do I think of spending money on myself as bad? I guess that's matter for a whole other entry.) Besides Freedom's Choice, I also got Xenocide by Orson Scott Card, which I've been waiting for someone to return to the library for over two months now (it was due in early March!), and Maps in a Mirror, a collection of Card's short fiction, and something I believe to be out of print. That book alone was half of my spending spree. I also bought Lady of the Forest by Marion Zimmer Bradley, $5.35 in trade paperback, which was just over a third of the cover price, and cheaper than the two mass market paperbacks I bought at $6 something each. Knowing how slow a read MZB is, I'm sure I have enough material to keep me entertained for the remainder of my visit.

Connie apologized for falling apart on me, but that doesn't feel like what's happened. From what I can tell, this is about how she spends most of her days. I feel like I can't say much, though; is sitting in front of the computer, surfing and playing games for the most part, that much different than sitting in front of the TV? Do I eat any less junk food? Yes, I think she needs to get out and do things, but then if I look at my own life just as critically, wouldn't I say the same thing? I don't know what to do.

Connie asked me this morning that if she had Sunday off, did I want to go to her brother's house and do laundry? I don't know how serious she was; earlier, she had said her next day off, she'd take me back to Jeff City. If she asks again, I'll tell her I think I should just go home. After all, I gave my mom the impression I'd be gone less than a week.

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We did have fun yesterday. At least, I thought we did. She's so knotted up about this biz with Teresa, she doesn't seem to care about anything else. She asked me if I thought she should keep trying with Teresa. What do I know? She's never said more than hello to me.

I'm beginning to wonder if I'm part of the problem. Teresa would probably come over more than just the once she has in the week I've been here, if I weren't here. Part of the reason I've been going to bed rather early is so Teresa can't use me as an excuse to cut her phone conversations with Connie short. She's already done that, telling Connie she doesn't want to interfere with 'our' time together. I'm beginning to wonder if she thinks there's more between us than just friendship. Who knows... *shrug*

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I miss Jev. As I was laying here finishing up the book earlier (yes, I read it in less than 24 hours), I longed to just reach out and feel him beside me, or curl up next to him with my head on his shoulder. I guess that's what I get for reading a novel with a slightly romantic subplot.

I have Glimmering lying just within reach of the bed, and I'm wondering if I should just go ahead and dive back into it. I think, instead, I'll turn on the computer and type in these last few entries. I never did upload my entry from Wednesday, and who knows, I may have some interesting mail waiting. The book will still be there later.

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