Sunday,October 18, 1998
It's funny how sound travels, late at night. I love about four blocks from the main railroad tracks through town, and during the day, I almost never hear the trains. Late at night, though, when all is quiet, I can hear the ding, ding, ding of the crossing signal warnings, as if they were just out back, in our alley. The wheels clacking on the tracks, and the blaring of the horn sound just as close. You'd think they were just outside my window, at times. *chuckle* It figures, another train just started to pass.
I know there's an analogy in there somewhere, about how the daily hustle and bustle of life can drown out other things going on around us. My brain is just too tired to figure out the connection, for now.
I spent most of my day offline, stitching on my North Wind project. I've gotten a good bit done this weekend, and I'm proud of myself. I must admit to having a sore arm from so much stitching, though; it's not too bad for now, but it's usually worse the next day.
I'm all caught up now in the main newsgroup I read. The shouting and choosing sides has ended, and peace is settling over the meadow again, which is reassuring. I guess after meeting a couple people from the group this year, I'm starting to feel like a full-fledged member, and like I'm maturing a little, as far as my postings go. There are still times when someone has suffered a great loss (most recently, one of our members lost her 37 year old sister to cancer), and I don't know what to say; but I no longer feel paralyzed with the fear of saying or doing the wrong thing and therefore not acting at all. I'm learning....
Now I just need to start carrying that lesson over into my interaction with Jev. When things go wrong, many times I'm so afraid of saying the wrong thing and making things even worse, that I can't bring myself to say anything at all. And it's usually when he's telling me that he needs to hear my voice, and be reassured. I want to say or do something, but it's almost like a physical restraint, or a gag, at times. I just don't want to risk losing him, I guess, and not acting makes me fear even more that I will lose him. It's a vicious circle... *sigh*
It's past my bedtime now, so I'll quit rambling...
