Monday, February 1, 1999

Late Night

I'm ready for a nice, bright, sunny day. I like the sound of the rain against my windows late at night, and I don't mind the occaional rainy day, when I can curl up in bed in the afternoon with a book and a mug of tea, and not feel terribly guilty about being lazy. But to keep in good spirits, I really need regular doses of sunshine.

You might have heard the song lyric that goes, "It never rains In Southern California," but if you watch much national news in the spring, I'm sure you know that it does. But Southern California also has more than its fair share of 70^oF weather in the winter.

I remember as a teen, going down to the apartment swimming pool on a particularly bright and sunny February day, and sticking my feet in the water. It wasn't a particularly hot day, just nice, but the water felt like it was just above freezing. Still, it was water and not ice, which I'd be more likely to find here.

These last few days have been quite a bumpy ride; I'm hoping that the rain we've had will give way to some sun, and that my mood will brighten right along with the skies. Right now I'm skimming right above the surface of a deep, dark pond, and hoping my momentum will get me across the rough waters, until things get better again. Otherwise, I'm afraid I'll be capsized.

I'm hanging in there, but every time the smallest hint of conflict comes along, I'm ready to dive for cover... I"m not answering many e-mails, and I'm even finding it hard to sit down and compose an entry each evening.

Jev's having a rough time right now, too. Partly because of my moods, I think, but alsy partly because his dad called yesterday and was really being a prick. Jev's to the point where he's said that not only will his father not be allowed in our howm, but he is also not welcome at our wedding. It surprised me a bit when he first said that, but the more I hear about that man, the less I like him.

I think Jev's a little afraid of becoming too much like his father, but I don't think that will ever happen. Jev and his dad are from two different molds, and Jev is far too sensitive and caring to let money and objects come between him and the people he loves. As for his dad... well... seems he's mostly concerned about how much money he can get back on taxes, and not about his son's feelings. I wonder which is worse... having a dad like his, or a dad like mine, who I rarely hear from. Probably having his dad... I'm sure he'd much rather that his father barely acknowledged that he exists, than the way he treats him right now.