WHAT DO YOU CALL A PERSON WITH.....

Gjenny and I love these jokes. She was recently energetic enough to type them all out. I added and edited, so any typos are probably my own. Enjoy!

Q. What do you call a man in an Irish bog?
A. Pete.

Q. What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?
A. Eileen.

Q. What do you call a woman with two legs the same length?
A. Noleen.

Q. What do you call a man with two legs?
A. Stan

Q. What do you call a man with no legs?
A. Neil.

Q. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs, lying on the floor?
A. Matt.

Q. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs, floating in the English Channel?
A. Bob.

Q. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs, who manages to swim all the way across the English Channel?
A. Clever Dick.

Q. What do you call a man with a very small penis?
A. Justin.

Q. What do you call a man with a really short haircut?
A. Shaun.

Q. What do you call a man with eight carpets on his head?
A. Achmat (for those who can count in the appropriate languages).

Q. What do you call a woman with a bucket on her head?
A. Emma (ditto).

Q. What do you call a man, chopped up into little pieces and put in a pot?
A. Stu.

Q. What do you call a man who is just the same as you are?
A. Pierre.

Q. What do you call a man hanging on the wall?
A. Art.

Q. What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
A. Cliff.

Q. What do you call a man with a rabbit up his behind?
A. Warren.

Q. What do you call a woman on the beach?
A. Sandy.

Q. What do you call a man crossing the river?
A. Arch.

Q. What do you call a man in good physical condition?
A. Jim.

Q. What do you call a woman in a casino?
A. Betty.

Q. What do you call a man on fire?
A. Bernie.

Q. What do you call a woman who lives on the side of the hill?
A. Heather.

Q. What do you call a man who lives on the sheltered side of the hill?
A. Lee.

Q. What do you call a man who travels at the speed of light?
A. Ray.

I thought for a long time about whether some of these were offensive or not. I am very sensitive about jokes that can hurt. As someone or other said (don't you hate it when you hear a really powerful quote and then forget who said it?): "nobody laughs at the sight of their own blood!" I decided that these were okay. If you disagree with me, please let me know.