Read on and click on links to find out more about....
Me
Hi again! You asked for it, so here's more about me: I'm 40, and I've lived in Southern California most of my life, starting in Chino Hills. I've also lived outside Philadelphia (from 3-4 years old) Ripley, New York (5-11 years old) and Torrance, California, where I graduated from West High School. I attended Pepperdine University for a year and a half before transferring and graduating from USC's Business School. Most recently I relocated with the girls to Dana Point, near where my parents live.
College Life
While in College, I joined Alpha Delta Pi Sorority, which really enriched my college experience. Some of my ADPi roommates were my bridesmaids and I've made more great friends through involvement in Alumna Associations and as an Advisor to the USC Chapter. For my personal comments on Greek Life, check out Greek Philosophies. You can see pictures of the chapter from the 2001 Recruitment Brunch ... the Deltas put on a great show for the Alumnae and guests!
More Alumnae Events: A Night With the Lion King and the Orange County Alumnae make breakfast for the the Ronald McDonald House
Professional Life
I worked in Marketing Research and Sales for a Corporate Credit Union, for seven years before becoming a mom. I quickly realized I wanted to be a big part of my kids' life and left there in 1996 shortly after the birth of my first daughter.
I started a home-based business that had provided us financial stability whenever his sales career took an unexpected turn. In fall 1999, the business made a significant change as we added On-Line Shopping to the existing catalog-based consumer products marketing business. We've experienced continued income from that business, despite not being able to personally grow the business ourselves these last few years.
In the midst of having our third baby girl in less than three years, we started another business. We combined the experience of his database publishing sales career with the experience we'd gained from developing the network business to create a hybred business that creates data management solutions for the customer -- no longer relying on what one vendor (i.e., employer) has to offer. We'd learned much in the network business about interpersonal communications and made invaluable contacts that have helped us in developing this business.
I helped out from the beginning (I remember nursing our daughter Lauren while waiting in a parking lot to pick up & deliver "proofs") and it wasn't long before I worked full-time at the office. I gradaually moved from calling it "his business" to "our business"! I found a love/hate relationship with working... it seems to take more commitment and more time away from the kids than I would like. I guess I find it hard to stick with any one thing for too long. I really enjoy doing things with and for the kids, but he said he appreciated the time I'd spend working with and helping him, too. It was a tough juggling act, but it kept life interesting!
In the middle of 2003 I began phasing out of working full-time and took a complete break at the beginning of 2004, as our marriage was completely strained and our divorce was beginning. I accepted a part-time position as the Treasurer for my church in Dana Point, not for the money, but to maintain my skills.
The Great Divide
Quite a lot has changed in the last two years -- we went from "multi-millionaires" to the latest financial settlement offer -- he gets all the family assets (I'm still forced to personally guarantee a $300,000 business liability that he'd promised to pay off in 2004 and yet it won't be paid off now until 2011?)and agrees not to sue me ("What?" you ask...), cuts my support in half and cuts off spouse support completely in 7 years. Yeah, that's a great offer (not!). It's been a crazy two years (what a topper to the first 23!).
At the end of 2004, after a year of him promising to give me settlement offer and not doing it, I hired a forensic accountant, who said it would take "a few months" and about $5-10,000 to come up with a cash flow statement and a business value. A year later the same accountant had charged me over $30,000 and had not given me a value. He's threatening to sue me, too. Oh, and my first attorney (who -- should we be surprised? -- recommended the Forensic) has also threatened to sue me because she doesn't think the $30,000+ that she has paid was enough -- when it looks like her actions (and in-actions) got me into the lawsuit in the first place! Argh! So much for the "nice, easy amicable divorce" I'd told her I wanted! I have yet to find an attorney that can write up a settlement offer for me.
I begged him to give me an offer I can take, and he refuses -- his "offers" get worse, not better, each time. We built a business and three new lives together and the most recent dogging I get is "well I work and SHE doesn't" -- isn't that how it is supposed to be???? That was the promise (well I guess I shouldn't expect someone who never honored our wedding vows to follow through with such promises.)
A funny thing, I remember about 5 years ago when I was working out with a friend. I told her, "If he thinks he's going to leave me for some hottie she better like kids, because I'm not going to be the bitchy-mom -- I'm gonna be the fun mom." And here we are with Kyle and his new "hottie wife" and I'm fighting for custody because I don't feel the kids are safe with them. I mean, come on -- a 2-parent:6-kid ratio isn't optimal for anyone! I realize that sounds a bit unfair, since when they are with me it's 1:3, and yet I have a lot of support from my parents, so it's really more like 3:3.
He recently said that he feels I think of him as a "sperm donor" (believe me, if I'd wanted a sperm donor I would have picked someone with out his fake charm, dyslexia, ADHD, and possibly psychopathic) as he fights for 50% timeshare with the kids. He says that it's not about the money, but what else could it be for?
For me, I'm frustrated because I have made choices that I feel are in the best interests of the girls. For example: not getting involved in another relationship (especially before this one is completed and that adversely affects my ability to care for the kids). He seems to think that now that he's married that somehow makes it easier for him to spend more time with the kids, but the kids are fighting their step-sibs for his attention, affection and I'm forced to fight for the money. What is good about that?
I'm really at a loss to understand why he thinks it's okay to reneg on the promises that we based our marriage on -- he'd be the big CEO and I'd be the stay-at-home mom. My counselor says that I shouldn't be surprised since I now know that he has been lying to me the whole 25 years that I've known him. Somehow that doesn't make me feel any better. (Neither does repeating it ;)
This page was last edited on 12/21/06
You can e-mail me at diamondet@yahoo.com