My life is, as are all of our lives, a journey. Along this journey, I’ve encountered so
many things that, while I would never wish on another human being, I know there
must be a reason I’ve experienced them. Learning and growing from them is my only
expectation. But for many, many years, I felt desperate, sad, angry, and alone.
I grew up in a pretty messed up household (common in this day and age). There was
chronic illness with both of my parents...physical and mental. There was alcoholism
and assorted abuse–some of which now has arrested, and some of which continues.
Sadly, sometimes removing oneself from the situation is the only way to grow and survive.

Growing up, it seemed that I was always the most screwed up in our family. That was my
role. My father was a minister, my mother a successful businesswoman, my older
brother was a brilliant student. I was the damaged one. As far as outside appearances
went, I manifested all the symptoms of a really disharmonious family. Everyone else,
well, they seemed better able to keep the problems under wraps. I tried to bury what I felt,
what was going on, but I was not as skilled as the rest of my family. By age 16, I
was thoroughly convinced that I would never live to age 25, or if I did, I would surely be
committed to an asylum. The world around me was just fine, I was the problem.

It wasn't until many years later that I realized I was probably the best off of my family…I had a
need to share my mind, my feelings, and my heart with others…a need so strong it would
not be denied. My words fell mostly upon deaf ears or met against strong denial…and
I thought I was crazy. For many, many years, I believed I was insane. I did a lot of writing
during my adolescent years (A Few Excerpts From My Mind) to try and keep from losing my
grip. When my father died as a result of Multiple Sclerosis, I was 20 years old. I hadn’t seen him
in 4 years. My world came crashing down around me. I fell apart physically, emotionally,
and spiritually. So many things I had held back, so many beliefs I held about myself, were
out of control. I couldn’t function. I was hospitalized, and for 3 days straight I could do
nothing but cry…I didn’t sleep, I didn’t eat, I didn’t talk; I simply cried.

There were so many reasons for my tears. And I began to explore the reasons for the next
2 years in a safe and secure environment. Yes, it was a controlled environment, but it was
oh so safe. I was very, very lucky…not too many people have the opportunity I had to evaluate
myself and my life. I began to rebuild me, a person I did not know existed, a person I thought
had no value. I can’t say that I enjoyed those 2 years; they were some of the most hellish
times I’ve ever experienced. And my life is not now a perfect picture of health and
happiness. But I am grateful, so very grateful, for that starting point.

There have been several times I thought for certain I would return to that place in my mind
I was back in November of 1988. And it has scared the wits out of me each time. But every
experience I survive has proven to me that I have strength, courage, love, and heart I fail to give
myself credit for on most occasions. And I am reminded of how blessed I am with the friends I have.

The friends we make and keep provide us an incredible opportunity to increase our
happiness and joy. One of my dearest, Susan, has been with me on this journey for just
about 14 years now. Without her encouragement, love, and support, I’m not sure I would be
here today. She means the world to me. And to Rich and Charlene, who are not online, well,
my heartfelt thanks and appreciation for their love, support, and encouragement. I hope
they truly know just how much they mean to me. As for all of the friends who touch my life
daily, old and new, thanks just for being.

My journey continues. I used to believe it was a bad thing to wear my heart on my sleeve;
I don't believe I would like myself very much if I was any other way. I pray for peace within
myself, and I pray for the ability to appreciate and learn from each new challenge life offers
me. I vow to give something back to this world for all it has given me, wherever I can. Life is so
precious. I’ve heard that the world is not full of strangers, just friends we haven’t yet met.

I never met a friend I didn’t like.