Dear Francesca,

Last night I had a dream that I was in Europe again. Part of the dream was in French. I don't ever think I've dreamt in another language before. While I was walking around the city, parts of it were being painted. It was almost like wandering into an actual painting, with cars being halfway painted in bright colors. Some objects were just outlines with no color to them. While my dreams sometimes are odd, I no longer have so many nightmares. One of my medications, a mild tranquilizer, has helped me sleep better and alleviate some of the nightmares. When I was having nightmares about every other night I became afraid to go to sleep, afraid of what my dreams would bring.

Some days I feel like I don't have enough motivation to get my day going. This afternoon fit into that category. I went back to bed this afternoon because I felt a bit depressed and tired. I know that I need more structure to my day, but right now I can't get disciplined to do that. I had hoped to be signed back on to the internet by now, but the only company that serves my area without incurring long distance charges isn't accepting new customers. They should be soon, but I have this fear that it will take longer than they expect. If I can't get back online, that means I won't be able to work part-time as an online freelance writer or researcher as I have hoped. And I definately need something to fill some of the time I have.

Not that I just sleep or watch TV all day and night. I have been doing a lot of writing and turning some of it into poems. And I have helped Mumma around the house on days when I feel okay.

I have been meaning to make a current assessment of my health, and even though I have thought about it often, I haven't written it down. Writing things down helps me think about them better. I have still been having a lot of back pain. That is definately my main physical problem. I don't know what is causing it for certain; it could be endo, myofascial pain syndrome (closely linked with fibromyalgia), or the degenerative joint disease. I've also been having a lot of leg pain from the sciatic nerve. But on the good side, overall, I have noticed an improvement in the fibromyalgia once I began to sleep better. And I don't have the daily pelvic pain that went with the endo. It isn't gone completely, but it certainly isn't as frequent.

And that leaves us with the mental health issue. I have recently discovered that my depression is of the bipolar type. While I have been depressed all year, symptoms such as instant irritability at minor things, euphoria (sometimes tinged with nervousness, which is a very scary feeling), and even slight visual hallucinations began occuring a couple of months ago. Once I thought about it, the onset of those symptoms occurred around the time of a co-worker's death.

Mumma has gotten home and it is time for dinner so I must go. I hope I shall write to you soon.

Yours,
Hannah Iona