From December 17 1994 through May 12 1995

Dating Mark was different from any other relationship that I have ever had. Was it him? Possibly. But I also know that I was different for this relationship, more open and trusting, taking risks to let him see the real me and being honest with myself about what I was learning about him. Did he fit my vision of the man of my dreams? Did he care about me for who I was? Was the man he wanted to be someone I could be with -- without compromising anything important to me? Slowly but surely I learned the answers. And they were all good!


Our second date (the day after our first date) was dinner in the city. We walked, talked, and kissed. Since it was a Sunday we tried to make it an early night and he drove me home. Well.. it didn't become an early night. He parked on the corner of my street and we - dare I say it - steamed up the windows for over 2 hours. Boy, kissing can be really great! We talked and laughed some more, and Mark played a great tape of music that he made especially with me in mind. One of the songs. "Everything I Do (I do it for you)" became very special to us, as you will read.

Besides all the kissing, one particular moment stands out for me. Although I don't remember what lead up to it, I do remember Mark looking down at me (I was wrapped in his arms/lap) and saying "You're worthy". And I started to cry. Soft, vulnerable, gentle tears. As someone who rarely cries, this told me something was very, very different about this man. When people ask me when I knew Mark was The One, I tell them about that moment and how that is when it all really began.

Our third date was almost a whole day together before I headed home for the holidays. He even drove me to the airport - regardless of what Billy Crystal says in "When Harry Met Sally".

I spent the vacation with family and Adrienne. I remember being so happy and giddy that Adrienne was a little concerned. I told her not to worry - I knew that I was drunk on the early stage of dating when everyone involved is still perfect. And then she said something that I think helped to guide the course of the relationship.

"I just don't want to see you get hurt", she said.

I paused for a moment, thinking, and answered. "But if it doesn't hurt, then I have just done it wrong again."

You see, for so long I had gotten involved only with men who could not be long term in my lfe, and in doing this, I kept my heart safe. And I kept myself alone. Now I wanted to change that and put myself out there. That could definitely mean getting hurt. I had to risk it. And in that moment, without being conscious of it, I made the commitment to care enough to get hurt.

I believe this commitment is a big part of the reason that our relationship flowered as it did.

Also during this time at home, my mother picked up on the fact that I was talking about this relationship differently already. She told me that no matter who I married, no matter when I got married, she hoped that I would be able to pick a time when she could be there more for me. Since she works in a public school system, this meant either summer or Christmas time. I have never seen myself as a summer bride so I told her, after glancing at a calendar, "Okay. If things work out with Mark, we'll get married December 28, 1996" Words that would come back to haunt me!

Each day, week and month, Mark and I grew closer. We held off on the last parts of physical initmacy until we were close emotionally. At four months we admitted that we were in love. And at five months...



One May night, cuddled together, Mark said to me "So, you've said when you get married you want it to be in December."

"Yes," I said, oblivious to where he was going with this.

"Do you want a long engagement or a short engagement?" he asked.

I said "Long. Short. Long... WHAT??" and sat bolt upright in bed. We talked for a while and realized, yes we wanted to be together for the rest of our lives.

I told him that the engagment ring was his choice. I would wear his ring for the rest of my life. He loved that. I told him that it didn't matter if it took 6 days, 6 months or 6 years before we made it official, I wasn't going anyway. He loved that, too. And thought that 6 days sounded good.

One week latter we met in Harvard Square again for a "date." He had a present for me in a big box. An early five month anniversary gift, he said. We walked to JFK Park on the Harvard University campus. And sitting under a lampost I opened the box, to find a little box inside of it. My heart was racing, my hands shaking.
I opened the little box to find a beautiful 1 carat sapphire surrounded by diamonds with more channel set on the side. I was speechless.

Mark was not.
He asked me to marry him and placed the ring on my finger.
I said yes.
And the lampost above us went on as we kissed!



Our 19 month engagment and wedding plans.

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