My Childhood

THE JOURNEY INTO LIFE THROUGH THE AWAKENING EYES.

I was born into a family of moderate income. I cannot remember my early childhood years simply due to the fact that my parents divorced when I was 4 years old. The trauma of my Daddy leaving me erased all memory of him and childhood up to that point. The one thing and only one thing I vividly remember is how he washed his hands at the kitchen sink and I would be there right with him doing it. I was his shadow...his little Princess...he called me.

I remember living in a big red brick, two-story duplex with my Mother and baby brother. Mother had to go to work and it was so lonely coming home to an empty house after school. When I was seven she remarried but I still was unhappy. I remember how I used to sit by myself in my favorite spot of the house that overlooked a boulevard. It had two big wooden windows nestled in between two giant oak trees; which I felt an affinity for. There I would spend many hours...sitting, watching traffic go by as I daydreamed and mused over things that were and what I wanted things to be like.

We didn't have a lot of money, but we were not poor by the standards of those days. Mother made almost all of my clothes which I hated because it made me different from all the other children. I felt that I stood out from the rest as my clothes were not up to the fashion of the day.

There weren't any close friendships with schoolmates as I was very defensive because of my inadequacies. I felt like every one was better than me and I longed to be just like everyone else. These feelings came from the constant putdowns from my stepfather. These made me feel like I was not really worth anything; of being stupid; unintelligent and didn't have the ability to do anything right. This harboured resentment kept me from being a very likeable person. It wasn't until my mid-thirties that I realized these feelings were within me all along and were not directly from my stepfather or anyone else.

My high school years were pure hell. I was not allowed to stay after school for any activities as I had to get home and do chores before Mom and Dad came home from work. There were few girlfriends in my neighborhood to play with so time was spent alone - daydreaming of being taken away from there. I would get totally lost in my thoughts of marrying a rich man and having everything I ever needed or wanted and of being someone important.

This page hosted by