In the eighteenth year of my life I became pregnant. This made me very happy as it meant getting married and leaving my parents. Back in the fifties, you either got married or went away and had your baby and gave it up for adoption. Having had few responsibilities as a child growing up did not equip me very well for marriage let alone the coming birth of a child...for I was still like a child myself. Having sudden freedom from parents to domination by an Italian, old-world oriented husband was quite a shock - to say the least. I rebelled at being told what to do as a child and felt like once I got married it would be diffrent. Now it was worse. He treated me like a child rather than a wife. He gave no consideration of my wishes - it was, "Do as I say and what you feel doesn't count. You're mine to do whatever I want you to do." Rebellion set in again, but to no avail.
This was tolerated only out of the fear that if he left me, what could I do? I am nothing, can do nothing, am not smart, cannot learn anything - how would I survive in the world with children to care for. This fear came from constant verbal abuse from my stepfather.
Finally, after 16 years of subservience and six children, he allowed me to go to work as we needed the money. That changed my whole life. I found a new feeling in my life. This feeling was one of being an individual; not just an extension of my husband and children. But - ME - a person. Part of this came through the belief of the man that I went to work for. He had confidence in my abilities to do the work and do it well. Seeing myself do this gave me confidence of doing something other than having babies and keeping house as the subservient woman who has to do what the man says - as his word is law!
Eventually the decision was made by me that I no longer needed or wanted him as a husband so we divorced.
This page hosted by 
All words are original and written by me Copyright © 1977, 1998.