April's challenge

The Crystal Bong

(a weight-lifter, a beer bong, onstage at a NY Philharmonic Orchestra performance)

The final notes of the familiar movement had barely begun to fade away when the audience burst into applause. The conductor turned, a pleased smiled on his face, and bowed, accepting the applause as his due. He graciously motioned toward the performers, and the audience showed their appreciation enthusiastically.

When the sound died down, the conductor stepped up to the microphone. “Ladies and gentlemen, it is my extreme pleasure to present a very new and original composition. Tonight, you are privileged to hear the premiere performance of Intoxication, the first composition of Dunkan Wales.”

The audience applauded politely. The conductor continued, “We are also privileged tonight to witness the introduction of a new instrument, created by Mr. Wales himself especially for this composition. Please join me in welcoming,” the conductor paused for effect, “Dunkan Wales.”

Once again, applause filled the auditorium, enthusiastically at first, then falling off as Dunkan strolled onto the stage. He was incredibly large, at least six feet tall and a good 300 pounds. The muscles of his arms strained the sleeves of the tuxedo that had obviously been made especially for his bulk. The well-developed muscles of his thighs could easily be seen beneath the black trousers. He was obviously more accustomed to center stage at weight lifting competitions than he was the stage of the New York Philharmonic Orchestra.

The applause dwindled until an awkward silence filled the hall. The burly form of Dunkan Wales was definitely not what the audience had expected. Dunkan stared out at the crowd, fierce features frozen into a mask, fully aware of their antipathy. He was used to it. Few people ever expected that a man like him might understand and appreciate the finer nuances of music, much less be able to write quality music himself.

He nodded his head slightly, then turned toward the left of the stage. For the first time, the audience noticed a curtained area at the rear of the stage. The other performers shifted slightly, clearing a space around the mysterious instrument. Dunkan moved confidently to the curtain and nodded to a stage hand who drew the curtain aside.

An audible gasp swept through the audience and the conductor spoke into the microphone once more, “Ladies and gentlemen. The crystal bong!”

The strong lights glittered on the crystal instrument. It was set on a stand at least six feet tall, and the crystalline structure rose at least four feet above that. It was made of the finest lead crystal, cylindrical in shape and filled with an amber fluid. A short tube dangled from the bottom.

The audience sat, staring silently. Again, Dunkan nodded, and a lovely young woman, in a long black gown stepped from the shadows. Smiling, she kissed Dunkan on the cheek, then stepped behind the crystal bong. Hidden from the audience was a ladder, which she climbed gracefully. The top of the bong fluted out to an opening about 18 inches across. The lady dipped her finger into the liquid, and ran it over the rim of the bong. A clear tone rang out, as she wet the surface.

Dunkan smiled up at her, then turned toward the

conductor, and nodded. The music began so softly that the audience leaned forward, straining to hear the opening notes of the single flute. The flutist sitting in the first chair spun out a gentle, haunting tune. Slowly, gradually, the other flutes joined, weaving harmonies around the melody. One at a time, each instrument joined the others, the sound building and swelling. The audience sat enthralled as a clear, eerie tone sounded above the others. The sound came from the bong as the young woman ran her wet fingertips over the rim of the bong.

Still the music swelled, becoming slowly richer, fuller. Above it all hung the clear, crystal tone of the bong. Conductor, performers and audience were all caught up in the enchanting music. It seemed impossible for it to become more intense, but yet the music built until all the instruments played at full capacity.

The audience sat in almost painful pleasure. The intensity of the music was almost more than they could bear. Surely it must reach a peak soon. As the audience sat enthralled in eager anticipation, Dunkan put the tube in his mouth. Sliding the control, he released the fluid down his throat. The music took an ominous turn, growing deeper and darker. The tone of the bong began to change as well. As the fluid flowed into Dunkan’s stomach, the crystal tone deepened, matching the change in the other instruments.

Deeper and deeper the music fell, dragging the audience down with it. Down, down, and deeper down, sinking into a drugged darkness. The tone from the bong followed, lower and lower as the amber fluid sank. With a tremendous force, bong and orchestral instruments drew the audience deep into intoxication until, with the last rush of liquid from the bong, the silence of an alcohol induced black-out filled the auditorium.

The audience and performers all sat stunned, unable to move as if intoxicated themselves. Silence filled the room. Five seconds..then ten. The woman playing the bong silently climbed down and stepped out of the way. All eyes turned toward Dunkan who stood, eyes closed, with a look of total ecstasy on his face. As the alcohol coursed through his system, a great surge rushed through him.

Suddenly, without warning, all instruments began playing, a wild, drunken sound. Again, the music built, but this time it rose quickly to a crescendo. As the inevitable peak neared, Dunkan, in a drunken state, lifted the crystal bong from it’s stand. At the very peak, he threw it toward the curtains at the back of the stage. Glass shattered as all the instruments cast out their loudest and wildest sound, followed by a sudden silence.

Only the tinkling sound of crystal pieces falling down the rear curtain broke the silence. Dunkan staggered to the front of the state. The last sound of the crystal faded away as the audience and Dunkan stared at each other.

One person began clapping, then another joined in, and another, and another until the entire room was filled with the great applause. The audience rose, as one, saluting Dunkan Wales and his composition. Dunkan motioned drunkenly toward the orchestra, then turned back to the audience. With as much composer as he could muster, he bowed, then staggered off the stage. The sound of applause rang in his ears until he tripped, falling to the backstage floor in a drunken stupor.

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