|
No doubt there are mothers who must separate from their children for hours most days and leave their children with non-relatives. There are mothers who have no partner to stagger work hours with, or no parents to live with, or absolutely no maternal feelings. (It happens.)
What can you do for your infant if this is your situation? Just proceed by keeping in mind the needs of an infant. If you are leaving a child under 12 months in the care of another, you want it to be ONE other person, preferably a relative - especially because frequent turnover of caregivers is very harmful. Placing your baby in a childcare situation where more than one caregiver will interact with your baby is placing your baby at risk of not successfully resolving her trust vs mistrust stage. Additionally, your baby needs a caregiver who will spend A LOT of time with him. Babies need to be held for hours a day, babies need someone to talk to them and react to them. Babies need to be out in the world (try a sling instead of a stroller!) Many people want to find a babysitter with kids the same age as their toddlers. At ages 1, 2, and 3, kids are still quite happy being an only. A sitter with several kids can leave them to themselves to the extent that they are not being taught language - or much of anything else - by grownups. A toddler wants to be in a place where she feels useful and has great toys and books and play areas. She needs an attentive caregiver who will happily answer her questions, admire her handiworks, cuddle her. Your toddler needs to be with someone who understands appropriate, gentle discipline. Your best bet for finding this level of care is with a relative. (Well, except for the discipline, since so many Americans still use physical punishment when they should be gently guiding.) Next best, a dear friend who loves your child - if you are clear that by leaving your infant and toddler, you must share their love with another. The optimum outcome, after all, is that your child bond with you and the caregiver. You are fortunate if you live near a university where they might provide this level of care in a center. And then, what can you do when your work day ends? Dr. Stanley Greenspan recommends that you devote all your evening hours to your child. SO, if you need to it be focused and relaxed, take 15 minutes after returning home and unwind alone. Then, jump into it. Hold your baby all evening if your child wants. Play with them appropriate to their age and temperment. (The more time you spend with them, the better your chances for understanding how to relate to them.) When you can, include them in the activities you MUST do. In this way, they learn how to be adults. A day care center is an unnatural world - give your kids as much real world time as possible. Take them on your errands. Doing things with children slows down your pace and lowers your accuracy. And, you have to say, SO WHAT. I have a hunch we are supposed to live at the pace of a child when we have a child. It certainly allows the world to come into sharper focus. This link is to a site that provides infoguides on topics related to switching to at-home parenting, including financial calculators for evaluating your particular situation. |