11/14/97 Man. Boring! I had today and yesterday off and I have to say that these were the most boring days of my life. Nothing happened. At all. Ack. Brother just came home. I'll finish this later.
Ok...it's like 4am and I'm tired...sorta. But I can't sleep. I haven't written much for a while. I guess it's cause I don't have the effort to boot this damn computer up and mess with the stupid internet.
Anyways, I saw Ben on Tuesday. I try to keep forgetting about him, but I keep seeing him. I talked to Luna today. She said that he'll realize he made a big mistake and he'll come around...or "cum" around in her words. I think she was on drugs or something...not really, but she sure acted like it.
So, I saw Ben on Tuesday. I was less than a foot away from him and he didn't even say 'hi'. That made me mad so I gave him this horrible look. Luna says I should have smiled, but he doesn't deserve my smile, dammit. He treated me like crap after I poured my heart into that letter which he didn't even have the sense to write back to. Oy. Try to forget, try to forget, Ajay. It's hard. Jules says I should move on...from a lot of things that I prefer not to mention, but even she knows that it's easier to say that then actually do it. I mean I could put on this whole front and say that I don't like him anymore, and I know I hide my feelings sometimes...but there's sorta an excepttion here. I mean, I don't know what it is or anything, but it's just different in a way. I have no idea what I'm talking about and I'm sure that you, who is reading this doesn't either. Sorry 'bout that.
So the last two days off. Everyone, including my dance teacher, says that I should be grateful, but to be perfectly honest, I have more fun in school than I do lying around like a couch potato at home. I haven't done anything. Hopefully, I'll do something tomorrow. Lola said that we'd do something. I have no idea what, but right now I don't think I give a damn.
I had like 4 cups of hot chocolate today. I think I'm gonna be sick. Ya know how when ya drink something that's really hot, you get all warm? Well, all day I was wearing shorts, but right now I'm freezing. See, my computer is in our Patio/family room sorta thing. It's not really a patio, cause it's indoor, but it's the room I spend most of my time in. It's cool. It has a VCR, Computer, and TV. All the things I need to live except a bed. Oh forget the bed. Gimme a pillow and some warm clothes...I'm set to sleep. I fall asleep in the weirdest of places. I fell asleep against a wall in dance one time. And I fell asleep on the stairs once too. I find floors can be quite comfy if you position your body right. However that is. I haven't mastered my sleeping techniques I guess. Oh well. I'm freezing and tired. I think I'll go stare at some christmas lights. BLINK BLINK! Later.
11/18/97 Nothing important happened today. I had my mom call my guidance counselor(sp?) today. I had her ask how I could join the FBLA(Future business leaders of America) because I need more extra curricular activities with my school and all. I have to pay 12 bucks just to join this damn thing. Grr. Oh well. It got me outta my 9th period class for a good 10 minutes. I went the the business office with my guidance cou...nevermind I'm not gonna spell it again...and Mr. Cassidy was there. I don't really know him but turns out my brother, Chris did. He said "Ajay (insert last name here), as in Chris (insert last name here)?" I just looked the other way and gave a halfway nod. He was like "Oh if you're related to him, I can't help you." I knew he was kidding, I just wish that people always didn't associate me automatically to my brother. I mean my brother can be sorta cool sometimes, but other times you just want to be known as yourself, y'know? Not "so and so's" sister/brother. That just pisses me off a little. My mom knows that this makes me mad, but continuously says that I should be glad that my brother made a good name for me. Like I couldn't have done it myself! I have to take a written test on December 19th for Driving. This is probably the one and only time that I will work my hardest for something. I want to be able to drive so bad, but the one thing is, is that I need a damn car. I dont' feel like driving my parents'...I want my own. I guess I'll have to get a job pretty soon and save up. Well, I'm gonna cut this entry short... Ben...blah blah blah....hate puffy hair girl....blah blah blah...life goes on....blah.
