a lof of things have happened since i last updated. bryan's girlfriend likes this other guy.. flirts with this other guy... and andra told bryan about it, and he really doesn't believe that it means anything. probably because he "thinks" he loves her. that's what he said to emily.
i sent him an email...i really wanted to talk to him face to face. and i was determined to have him pick me up from work and we could talk on the car ride home...but that fell through.
so anyway.. the email talked about how it hurt me so much to love someone who didn't return the sentiment... all of this stuff..
and he wrote back saying that it was "cliche" for me to be hurt by not having love returned. because it was how he felt last summer. or something...but he "got over it". also, that his girlfriend doesn't mean to hurt him.
i wrote back saying that if his girlfriend cared about him, she would not keep hurting him after he tells her how it affects him. whatever. and i also said that i would always have a place in my heart for him. and i wanted him to tell me if he was a waste of space in my heart.. because i'd rather know, than to have this empty feeling.
he hasn't written back yet.
bottom line. i'm putting my feelings totally in the back of my heart. i'm going to be his friend, but when he comes to me or talks to me, or asks me for anything, i'm not gonna get all excited about it. i'm also not gonna look across the room at him during any of my classes...he can go sit at his little lunch table with the freshman. whatever. i am not going out of my way at all for him. he will not know anything personal in my life. i'm doing this for fear of being "cliche" towards him.
i just wish he would have been mean to me about it. ya know, be a little prick, and then i could have been mad at him about it. it would have been so much easier on both of us. grr.
