4/25/98
listening to bf5. woohoo..what else is new! the last week has been somewhat fun...i've had something to do everyday...whether it was dance class..or just friend stuff. and i could have been out to the movies with bryan either tonight or last night, but i don't feel too hot...my back hurts and my throat is sore..and although bryan offered a back rub...i declined...haha yeah right. jules and i both believe that labels like girlfriend and boyfriend...and "going out" are pointless. boyfriends and girlfriends are pointless...i'd rather have fun with a lot of people than be tied down to one...and i know i've said way different crap before this...i'm taking it all back..for at least a day or two. as i type, (i can't say as we speak because..well..i'm not speaking) bryan is sending me disgusting and silly stories...and i'm on an aol IM with him...ridiculous!! "satan is myyyy master!" my mom, dad, and i were at the dinner table...eating fast food..but eating it slowly..heh. my mom was sorta in a pissy mood...as always...she told my dad that he treats me differently than my brother...the whole conversation was overly upsetting...so i just took my dog out and fed her french fries...the whole conversation just got to me...i didn't want to discuss the fact that my father does treat me differently..i just don't want him to bring up a conversation about it. he'll be like "ajay, do i really treat you different from chris?" and i'd be forced to actually tell him the truth and blurt out 'yes'. i don't want to be in that kind of situation where i can have that power to make my father feel like he would. that doesn't make any sense...but i can get some out of it. since the conversation left me in a sad kinda depressing mood, i decided to write a little poem about my past and a little about the present..i did my best here. don't say bad things about it...i'm not a poet..and i'm not being paid for this...at least not cash-wise...this page gives me a chance to look back on how i've grown...and my thoughts and things that i usually don't remember off the top of my head. it's a source of expression i guess.
the subject of nude beaches just popped into my mind. why would someone label it as a nude beach? i just find that stupid. ever notice that the only guys that are on nude beaches are the fat hairy ones that wear the speedos and blankly stare at the beautiful and not-so-beautifule naked women trying to get a tan? anyways, i have...it's disgusting. look, if you're a guy, and you're actually reading this...never wear speedos if you have a beer-belly and a hairy chest..and all that nasty stuff...just a little advice if you don't like women running from your general direction screaming with a sound of horror in which you've never heard in your life....ok?
