(1:49pm EST) 6/30/98
hmm....chris had a party on saturday. it was cool...heh...my mom let me smoke a clove. it wasn't that bad...it left my lips tasting pretty good. it smelled good too. saturday went by so quick...and then sunday hit. i had my dance recital. god...that was horrible. not only did i have to wear some ugly gold costume...but i fell during my solo. i got back up, flashed a smile and ended the dance...but i felt like an idiot.
and yesterday....the guy from the ice cream shop called and said he needed someone to work saturday nights. i dunno if i want to work that night. i guess i'll just take it, and if i want to quit, i will. he's supposed to call back today. hmm
hmm..bryan...he's in florida. probably riding the tea cups in disney world or something. i still feel horrible about ignoring him and everything. i don't know what to do tho. i'm confused about my feelings...and i don't want to be doing anything that i might regret...or anything that might lead him on. so, i figure if i just stay away for a little..and have some time to decide...then i'll figure it out eventually.
i think life is moving too fast. i can't believe i'm this old already. i still remember when i was little. i wore sundresses and jelly sandals...and i played with my strawberry shortcake..and watching rainbow brite and the care bears. i miss being little. i miss waking up at 6am just to get dressed and watch the elephant show. i miss all of that. i hate being this old. it's all downhill from here.
god, i went into my parents room to find my father coughing and i asked if he was okay..and he got all cocky about it. i asked if he took anything and he couldn't even bother to answer. i hate my father...i swear to god i do. he's not dead and buried yet...what goes around comes around...and kicks you in the ass 1,000 times harder.
