Part One
Buffy stopped abruptly in the aisle, smiled to herself as she ran her fingers along the clothing in the children’s department. She wasn’t in a hurry, and somewhere between makeup and shoes she had begun dawdling. Tinny Christmas carols played over the department store's loud speakers. The crowds constantly came and went, but right here next to the children’s department it was oddly quiet.
What had caught Buffy’s eye was a red sweater with white snowmen along the bottom and snowflakes throughout. It reminded her of a sweater Dawn used to have. She had received it on Christmas from their grandmother; the package still had the address and stamps on it under the wrapping paper. Dawn had insisted on wearing the sweater immediately, even though they were in the midst of an unseasonal heat wave. How she had whined later, too hot but unwilling to give up the sweater.
Buffy’s smile slipped. She was going to miss Dawn this winter. She pulled her hand away from the child’s sweater. It was best to be moving on to what she came here for.
She turned...and almost tripped over a small child, dashing out from between the clothing racks. Blessing her Slayer reflexes, Buffy froze. The child froze as well, staring at her.
The boy looked to be about three years old, far to young to be wandering the mall by himself, which meant his parents couldn’t be far away. His hair was dark, and his eyes surprisingly intense as he looked up at Buffy. When the boy did not begin to move or speak, Buffy crouched before him, smiling again.
“Hey,” she said softly. “Where are your parents?”
The boy grinned at her.
“Your mommy? Daddy?”
He chuckled. “Daddy.”
“Well, at least we narrowed it down,” Buffy muttered to herself. Her gaze wandered, searching for anyone who looked like he might be this little one’s father, but at this low vantage point she couldn’t see much more than the clothes racks. At the same time she asked, “So, where is your daddy?”
The boy shook his head. “I’m hiding,” he declared.
“Oh, are you?” Buffy asked, amused. “He’s probably very worried about you. How about we find him together?”
The boy hesitated a moment before nodding.
“Okay, then,” she said, starting to get uncomfortable in her crouch on the tile. “So, what’s your name?”
He opened his mouth to answer....
“Connor!”
Buffy froze. That voice was way too familiar. She did not look up at the feet that came running, or the arms that easily picked up the small boy.
“I’ve told you not to wander off like that,” he scolded the child, and Buffy knew that her initial recognition had been correct. Slowly she stood.
“I was so worried,” he said to the boy. Then his tone changed, and Buffy knew he was talking to her even though he hadn’t looked at her yet. “I’m sorry about this, miss....” His head turned and his eyes went wide. “Buffy.”
She was sure her expression was similarly shocked. “Angel.” The little boy – Connor – seemed quite comfortable and accustomed to his arms. With the two of them side by side, the resemblance was both eerie and undeniable.
And, obviously, impossible.
For that reason alone Buffy was willing to ignore the evidence of her own eyes. And there were so many other reasons that she wanted to ignore even the possibility. But she didn’t have that luxury for long.
“Sorry, Daddy,” the boy muttered, leaning his head into his father’s shoulder.
Angel bounced Connor slightly on his hip, shifting his position. “It’s okay. You just scared me.”
Buffy could not hold back any longer. “Daddy?” she asked pointedly. There was the weight of a hundred questions in her word.
He swallowed visibly and answered them all just as simply. “Yeah.”
She could not help but gape at him. “But....”
He shrugged, as eloquent as ever. Buffy had to concede that this wasn’t the time or place for the types of questions she really wanted to ask.
Instead, she forced herself to smile slightly. “Aren’t you going to properly introduce us?”
Angel let out a visible sigh of relief, which was instantly endearing. He smiled as well, and Buffy glimpsed something she never thought she’d see in him. Paternal pride. “Buffy, this is Connor, my son,” he said.
“Pleased to meet you,” Buffy said to the child.
Her formal tone made the boy giggle.
“Connor,” Angel continued, “this is-“
“Picture!” Connor declared quite loudly.
Angel looked rather embarrassed at that, and Buffy got the impression that he would have blushed if he had circulation. “Picture?” she asked, confused.
Connor answered for him. “Daddy’s picture,” he said.
Buffy met Angel’s embarrassed gaze. “You have a picture of me?” she asked, surprised and touched. They hadn’t been together in over five years. They had not spoken to each other in a bit over three. The day was just full of surprises thus far, and the toddler showed there could only be more to come.
At last Angel nodded. “Of course I do,” he said softly.
Buffy didn’t have a good answer for that at all.
“This is awkward, isn’t it?” Angel asked after a moment.
“To say the least,” Buffy agreed. Did they even have things to say to each other any more? Were they really that far apart now? She didn’t want to know. She could leave now, gather her things, and she’d never have to know how strained things really were between them now.
Or just how comfortable they could still be. And was that a chance she really wanted to give up? After all, what was life without a little chance?
Connor solved the debate for her. He pulled away from his father slightly to look at Buffy. “Come see Santa!” he said.
Angel looked just as startled by his son’s invitation as Buffy was. “Uh...”
Buffy gave the child a smile. “I would love to come with you,” she said. “But only if your father doesn’t mind.”
Connor looked at Angel with a pleading expression. “Pwease?”
Angel looked at Buffy, no doubt trying to read her expression. “Yeah,” he said at last. “I’d like that.”
Buffy swallowed. He’d like that? ‘Buffy, you’re reading way too much into this,’ she thought to herself as she reached for her bags. He didn’t mean that like it sounded, did he? Like he really wanted her around? No matter how much she tried to tell herself otherwise, Buffy liked that idea, too. ‘And what else do you have right now? An empty hotel room for a vacation spot?’
But no. This was not a situation anything good could come of, at least in the long run. She could have an afternoon of friendship and companionship...but she’d be bound to have odd dreams and a bout of depression for the rest of the week. So she couldn’t hope. She wouldn’t....
Or at least that’s what she tried to tell herself.
They did not speak at first as the two of them – three of them – fell into step beside each other. Angel was now pushing a rental stroller, Connor firmly ensconced inside, shopping bags hanging from the back. It was such an odd image for Angel. At least, for the Angel that Buffy remembered. First, of course, there was the child and all that entailed. But then there was Angel, actually shopping...? Buffy couldn’t help but grin.
Angel must have noticed the shift in Buffy’s mood. “What?”
She turned her smile to him. “I thought vampires weren’t very big on Christmas,” she teased. “I mean, shopping, Santa...what’s next?”
“Well, I’m not having a traditional Christmas dinner,” Angel teased right back.
Buffy felt on the verge of laughing. Her emotions were all over the place in his presence... It was like a natural high. “No, I didn’t think you would,” she agreed. “But...Santa?”
“I promised,” Angel defended himself.
Buffy grinned. “He so has you wrapped around his little finger, doesn’t he?”
Angel smiled. “He does,” he agreed. “But I’m perfectly happy to be there.”
She was nearly gaping at him. A paternal, emotional, happy Angel? This was just getting to be a bit too weird. In a good way, but completely outside of any of her experiences with him. Angel. Single father. At least, she hoped he was single.... ‘Oh, that’s none of your business anymore, remember?’
Buffy ignored that nagging little internal voice. “So, um...his mother?” she asked a bit falteringly.
“She’s dead,” Angel replied. There was something very odd in his tone.
“Oh,” Buffy replied...yet internally relieved. “I’m...sorry?”
He gave her an uncomfortable look. “It’s not.... That is...it’s a long story.”
“Sure,” Buffy agreed. “Which you’ll be sure to tell me when we reach question and answer time.” Her tone was light, but she wasn’t going to give up without answers.
He looked at her, seeming awkward.
Buffy returned the look, making it clear just how serious she actually was.
Angel let out a wry chuckle. “You don’t give up, do you?”
“Nope,” Buffy acknowledged, flashing him a smile.
“So...” he said at last, “when and where?”
Buffy shrugged. “This is your town, remember? You tell me.”
“Speaking of,” Angel said abruptly, “what are you doing here?”
Buffy held up her couple of bags. “Uh, shopping?”
“You’re a little far from home, Buffy.”
She sighed. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “I just needed to get away for a little while. Be by myself, have a vacation....”
She could never fool Angel, and she didn’t manage it now, either. “You don’t sound so happy about that,” he said.
Buffy shrugged. “It’s alright.”
“Are you sure?” he asked. “Shouldn’t you be spending the holidays with your friends? Dawn?”
“Dawn got a chance to go to Europe with Dad and every body else is spending their required family time.”
“And you?” He very softly touched Buffy’s hand.
“I,” Buffy said dramatically with a false smile, “am having a fabulous L.A. vacation.”
He met her smile a little sadly. “How about tonight?” he asked.
“Tonight what?”
“Questions and answers,” Angel provided. “You could come for dinner. I’d even cook.”
“You cook?” Buffy asked in surprise.
He gave a small smile. “Nothing really fancy, but I’m told it’s edible.”
Buffy smiled. “I think I’d like that.” She looked at the stroller only to find Connor leaning over, obviously asleep. “Angel...?” she said, gesturing at the small boy.
Angel looked at his son and grinned. “It’s been a long day,” he laughed.
“Gonna be even longer,” Buffy said, pointing to the line of children waiting to see Santa Claus.
Angel sighed. “Well, maybe he’ll sleep through most of it,” he said. He looked at Buffy and gave her a very hesitant smile, his hand held out to her. “Would it be wrong of me to ask you to keep me company?”
Buffy found herself smiling broadly back. “I’d like that,” she said, and took the offered hand in her own.
On to Part Two
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