Part Two
“Oh, wow.”
Angel couldn’t help but be pleased by her reaction. “I’d forgotten you’d never been here,” he said.
Buffy smiled openly. The awkwardness between them had faded to almost nothing over the hours in the shopping mall. They had spoken easily about mundane things, other people’s lives, the whole time shying away from emotions and questions they really wanted to ask. It was...actually rather nice. It was so rare to talk without the usual tensions.
It had continued like that as they waited in line with Connor, and even afterwards as Buffy moved along to buying the things she had gone to the mall for in the first place. She was originally going to return to her hotel before coming over for dinner, but that never happened. The afternoon passed quickly, the sun set behind the clouds, and Buffy accompanied Angel back to where he and his son made their home.
“The mansion was one thing,” Buffy teased him, “but a hotel? I always thought you were more of a small apartment sort of person.”
Angel took Buffy’s bags and placed them behind the counter, out of the way. “It’s also the office,” he said. “It’s not as if I live in the whole building. I have my rooms.”
“Come see my room!” Connor said suddenly, tugging on Buffy’s pant leg.
Buffy had long ago given up trying to resist the little boy. “Okay,” she agreed, lowering her hand to him. He grasped it happily, tugging her towards the stairs.
Angel fell in step behind them, watching his son and his first love interact. He had never seen Buffy deal with small children before. And Connor, who had sadly already learned not to trust strangers, took to Buffy so easily it was surprising. Connor made his slow progress up the stairs, one hand firmly in Buffy’s, the other grasping the railing supports one after the other. Buffy kept her gaze on him, taking each step with him, patiently letting Connor make his own way just like he wanted.
Buffy glanced back over her shoulder. Finding Angel watching her, she grinned. “Enjoying the view?”
“Yes,” Angel replied without thinking.
Buffy gave him an amused, disbelieving look.
If Angel could have, he would have blushed. “I just meant...” he began, flustered. “I didn’t mean that the way it sounded.”
Now Buffy looked really amused. “I know,” she said, stepping up the stairs even as she spoke to him. She smirked openly. “But if you did mean it the way it sounded, I’d take it as a compliment.”
She reached the top of the stairs, leaving Angel behind, gaping at her. That wasn’t the sort of statement he’d expected at all.
Buffy didn’t have any clue why she had said that. She regretted it from the instant it was out of her mouth. So much for the nice evening, huh? She was saved from any awkwardness though by Connor, eagerly leading her down the second floor hallway.
“My room,” he declared at last, pulling Buffy through a door.
The room had obviously once been a typical hotel room, but not anymore. Now it was a very lived in little boy’s room. The walls were painted white with a bright colorful border at the top. The typical larger bed had been replaced by a twin sized one, flat against the wall with drawers underneath and a detachable children’s safety railing. A toy chest sat next to it, filled with stuffed animals and colorful children’s books.
It was a warm and welcoming room. Buffy suddenly found herself picturing Angel surrounded by children’s furniture and toy stores. Never mind where she had met him earlier, it was something she had never tried to picture before today.
“I like it,” Buffy said at last.
Connor grinned, obviously pleased.
Buffy walked the room, taking a closer look at Connor’s things. The room was neat, but not perfectly so. The tail of a plastic toy animal kept one of the drawers under the bed from closing all of the way. A coloring book and crayons was spread out on top of one of the dressers. Behind that was a picture of Angel with Connor as an infant. The frame was at least partially made by Connor, decorated with an excess of glitter and glue.
Buffy picked up the picture to look at a little closer. She smiled. Was she just imagining that happy yet somewhat disbelieving look in Angel’s eyes? Her smile turned a bit sad, then. Part of her, long ignored, kind of wished she’d been there to see this in person.
She put the picture down and continued around the room. There was another door at the back of the room that opened to a bathroom, and a third door set into the wall beside it that probably went to an adjoining room. Ignoring her inspection for the moment, Connor had pulled down his coloring book and was sitting on the floor, working intently.
Buffy stopped for another moment beside the bed. The comforter was all in bold colors with dinosaurs around the edges. Then, sitting quite out of place next to the pillow, was a small, pink stuffed pig. She lifted the stuffed animal from the bed. It looked so much like her old pig that she couldn’t help but chuckle.
Her laugh drew Connor’s attention. “Mr. Gordo,” he said, seeing what she was holding.
Buffy just grinned even wider.
“Just dropping by for some quality time with Mr. Gordo?”
Angel looked so confused, but he was still holding the pig. “Excuse me?”
“The pig.”
Buffy looked at the stuffed animal a moment longer. She could sense that Angel was behind her, watching. “Is that his name?” she asked Connor.
The little boy nodded happily.
She finally acknowledged Angel’s presence. “I’m going to guess you named him,” she said.
Angel looked justifiably embarrassed. “I, well...” He gave her an uncertain looking smile. “I saw him in a toy store when Connor was a baby,” he began to explain.
“And you just couldn’t resist?” Buffy suggested.
Angel nodded.
That little hurt piece of her that wanted to be in that photo on the dresser reared up even stronger this time. “I guess you didn’t forget about me like I thought,” she said unhappily.
It was hard to read Angel’s expression, but his tone was earnest. “I never forgot about you,” he said.
Buffy sighed. She did believe that, really. It was just.... “Why didn’t I know about all of this, then?” she asked. Her voice came out helpless instead of challenging.
Angel frowned. “I...”
“Yes?”
She could see him swallow. “I’ll tell you everything over dinner,” he said at last. “I promise.” She still couldn’t read his expression enough to figure out what was on his mind, but he looked quite uncomfortable. “I need to start dinner,” he said quickly. “Would you, uh, bring Connor down in a couple of minutes? He knows where the kitchen is.”
Buffy nodded, and without another word Angel hurried from the doorway. She couldn’t help but feel that he was running away from her. And she had thought she’d grown past the point where that could hurt....
Angel didn’t go any further than the top of the stairs at first. He just stood there, out of sight, bracing his hands on the top of the railing and taking deep, unnecessary breaths. Anything to calm himself.
If there was a way that he had planned on meeting Buffy again, this wasn’t it. But as much as he might have hoped that a day would come when he would tell her everything and she would understand and.... He had never actually planned for a moment when he would see her.
But she was always so good at surprising him. She surprised him all those years ago when just a look at her managed to make him fall quite suddenly and frighteningly in love. She surprised him when she learned he was a vampire and eventually accepted him – loved him – all the same. And even now, when he thought she couldn’t surprise him anymore, she did. Surprised him with the old spirit he feared had died when last they met, and surprised him with the beautiful woman she had grown to be. If he spent another minute in there with her and Connor, he was afraid....
Actually, he didn’t know what he was afraid of. But he was, and that was enough.
“Angel?”
He turned suddenly. Buffy was standing in the hallway behind him, a hint of sadness in her gaze. “Buffy,” he said with a swallow. He took an involuntary step towards her, then stopped himself. “Where’s Connor?” he asked, concerned.
“Coloring in his room. He’ll be okay alone for a minute,” she said. “I was more worried about you.”
“I’m fine,” Angel protested automatically.
Buffy gave him an odd look. “I’m sorry about what I said,” she began. “I didn’t mean...”
Angel interrupted her with a shake of his head. “Really, it’s okay. That’s...not it.”
“Oh.”
He looked – really looked – at Buffy. “Are you disappointed?” he asked, confused.
Buffy chuckled. “Honestly? A little.”
“Why?”
She flashed him a wry smile. “I don’t know. Maybe some part of me likes being able to mess with your emotions. Like you always have mine.” Her smile was not a happy one. “Pretty pathetic, huh?”
Angel didn’t exactly smile, but he did finally take those steps closer that he’d wanted to. “You still ‘mess with my emotions’ just fine, Buffy,” he admitted. And then he took a deep breath and said what he’d wanted to all afternoon. “I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you,” Buffy breathed back.
This time Angel did smile. “You have?” he asked. He’d honestly thought he was alone in that. As time went on, he’d convinced himself of that...every time he put off that phone call he really ought to have made long ago.
“Of course I have!” Buffy said, surprised. She was barely two feet away now. Just another step and.... Her expression closed off again. “But, if you missed me,” she managed to say, “why didn’t you ever call me? Write me? Tell me?” He voice rose in volume and confidence with each question.
“I don’t know,” Angel said.
“You must have some reasons,” Buffy argued. “Did we really fall so out of touch that you couldn’t tell me you had a son?”
“We were never too good at the casual contact thing,” Angel pointed out.
“Well, no,” Buffy agreed. “But you could have still told me....”
Angel shook his head and sighed, thinking back to the days and weeks following Connor’s birth. “There wasn’t time at first,” he said. “Right after Connor was born...actually, right before he was born...pretty much all hell broke loose.”
Her eyes went wide. “You don’t mean that literally, do you?”
Angel flashed her a reassuring smile. “No,” he said. “But close enough.”
“Oh.” Buffy stepped a little closer until Angel was looking down at her. “And after?”
“After...I wanted the right moment.”
Buffy’s voice dropped and something in her gaze changed. “How about now?” she asked in a near whisper.
“Buffy...” Angel began, and then could say no more, finding himself just a hair’s breadth from kissing her...and the look in her eyes said she didn’t find any problem with the idea....
“Daddy!”
Angel jumped, startled by his son’s voice and was suddenly a couple of steps away from Buffy once again. “I.... What is it, Connor?” His voice sounded a bit breathless in his own ears.
“I’m hungy,” the little boy said strongly.
“You are?” Angel asked in mock surprise.
“Daddy!” There was a hint of a whine in his voice.
Angel smiled. “What do you want for dinner?” he asked at last.
The toddler thought about it for a second. “Sketti!” he declared finally.
“Alright,” Angel agreed, and turned to Buffy. She seemed to have recovered her composure a lot better than he felt like he had. “Is sketti...I mean, spaghetti, alright with you?”
“Sounds good,” she said, her voice calm and even.
Angel picked up Connor easily, setting him on his hip to walk down the stairs. Buffy fell into step on Angel’s other side. “Angel?” she said after a moment.
“Yeah?”
She hesitated briefly. “I always knew you’d make a great father,” she said.
Angel swallowed. “You...think so?”
Buffy grinned, then winked at Connor before looking him in the eye. “I know so,” she declared.
Angel smiled, warmed by her statement far more than anything else thus far that day.
On to Part Three
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