Part Two
The apartment had been bought by two people, for two people. The master bedroom had a delightfully large bed with a beautiful carved headboard. The bathroom had two sinks, two drawers...everything had been made for two.
Still, Angel never seemed to have moved in. His side of the bathroom was too neat, his clothes in the closet and drawer were too sparse. Moments like now, when he was there, his coat hung in the coat closet, his bags sat in the hall, and he seemed to be at any moment ready to pack up and leave again.
If it was strange now to Buffy when Angel was in town, strange to live with another person, it was stranger still when he wasn’t there. This was an apartment meant for two, something that Buffy was only too aware of when she was alone.
Thus Buffy found herself staring in melancholy at his toothbrush.
A soft noise in the bathroom doorway made Buffy spin.
“Sorry,” Angel said, holding up his hands and smiling sheepishly. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”
Buffy smiled, but knew it was half-hearted. “It’s okay.”
“What’s wrong?” he asked, coming up behind her.
Buffy glanced at his reflection in the mirror. “I just...am used to being alone here.”
“Oh.” Angel swallowed. “Do you want me to leave you alone?”
“No!” Buffy said quickly. “Stay.” She smiled and turned, a bare hair’s breadth between them. “Stay forever. Please.”
Angel smiled back at her. He raised a hand to cup her cheek lightly. “I would if I could,” he whispered back. “You know that.”
“I know.” She forced herself to remain smiling at him. “How long are you staying this time?”
Angel shrugged. “I don’t know yet.”
Buffy’s smile slipped. His time in Sunnydale between Callings had been getting shorter and shorter, and the absences had been getting longer. She was secretly terrified that one day he wouldn’t return at all.
He saw her distress and held her close for a moment. “Let’s make the most of right now,” he said.
Buffy nodded. There wasn’t much else they could do.
There was an abrupt knock on their front door, and Buffy jumped. Then she laughed, and Angel chuckled with her. “I must be nervous or something,” she said, pulling away.
The knock on the door came again.
“Coming!” Buffy yelled, though it was doubtful she could be heard.
Angel and her exchanged a grin. “You could ignore it and hope they go away,” he said.
She smiled. “Tempting, but no. Could be a friend.” She stepped out of the bathroom with him lingering a couple of steps behind.
Buffy opened the door easily, to find Willow on the other side, her hand poised to knock again. Xander stood behind her, a pair of pizza boxes in his hands.
“Hey,” Willow said in greeting. “Hope we’re not interrupting anything.”
“Uh, no,” Buffy replied, surprised but smiling despite herself. “What are you guys doing here?”
Willow smiled. “I saw Angel today. And I was going to invite the two of you to, you know, a whole group dinner, but I saw you two leave and figured it could wait...and then I could have called, but I wanted to surprise you.”
“Can we come in?” Xander asked, gesturing with the pizza boxes.
“Of course.” Buffy stood aside, still smiling. “Just the two of you?” she asked.
Both Willow and Xander nodded. “Anya is working late tonight,” Xander explained. She’d taken to a lot of odd jobs in her time since college. Right now she was a waitress. Who knew what she’d be doing next week.
Buffy just smiled, glad to have the company, even if she was looking forward to spending time alone with Angel. Having her two best friends over kept her mind off...more depressing issues. She took the pizzas into the kitchen. “Were you planning on feeding an army, then?” she asked, looking at the two, quite large pizzas. She could never eat that much.
“That’s just for Xander,” Willow teased.
“Hey!” he protested, smiling as well. “Besides, I figured Angel could always help. How about it?”
Angel, just making his way fully into the main living area of the apartment, looked a bit confused. “Not until I know what I’m agreeing to,” he said.
“Pizza,” Buffy explained succinctly.
“And a movie,” Willow added. “We brought bad horror movies, too.”
“Alright,” Angel agreed.
Buffy smiled and pulled out the plates. Heavier issues – like just what she and Angel were going to do – could wait until later.
One bad horror movie and two pizza’s later, the four of them were sprawled around the apartment’s living area. Buffy and Angel took up most of the couch, Buffy practically curled into Angel’s lap where she had taken refuge during one of the movie’s tenser moments. Willow was sitting on the last corner of the couch, her knees folded under her. Xander had taken the floor at some point in the evening, to better reach the food, and had stayed there.
They were laughing, and happy for the moment. It felt almost as if they were back in high school. Back when things had been easier, and they didn’t have too think so much of the future beyond whether they’d survive the next apocalypse. Life, death, family, career...these hadn’t been things they’d spoken about then. And they weren’t what they spoke about now.
“Okay, can someone explain to me why he somehow ended up with his shirt off as he was chasing the monster?” Xander asked, annoyed.
“You didn’t complain at the gratuitous shower scene,” Buffy pointed out.
“Well no...”
“Besides, he’s hot,” Buffy finished.
“Hey!” Angel mock protested.
Buffy laughed. “Which is not to say I was looking at him at all,” she teased.
Xander and Willow laughed.
“Anyway,” Willow said. “I think it’s some sort of Hollywood rule. No matter how in appropriate the moment, there must be at least one shirtless scene – male or female – per movie.”
“Hear hear,” Xander agreed.
Where she was lying, Buffy felt Angel tense oddly and abruptly. “Angel?” she asked.
“Hmm?”
She looked up into his eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Nothing’s wrong.” Angel’s body did not relax though.
“You’re tense all of a sudden,” she pointed out.
Neither Xander nor Willow said a word, watching the exchange.
“Nothing’s wrong,” Angel insisted. He let out a long sigh, stretched, and forced himself to relax. “See?”
Buffy could tell how fake it was. “Angel...”
He just smiled and brushed off her concerns. “How about another movie? What else did you bring?”
Buffy sighed, and let herself once again forget her own concerns until later, when they were alone.
Angel tried his best to ignore it. Even after Willow and Xander left, he did not mention it. Buffy ignored it as well, the little bit she perceived. They didn’t talk about it at all. They just took those rare moments when they were alone together and treasured them as best they could, trying to forget just how brief such moments could be.
It could not be put off forever, though. Nor could it, Angel noted sadly, be put off as much as a single day. He awoke well before dawn, Buffy still sound asleep at his side. There was that familiar tugging at his mind, forever spurring him onward. No matter how exhausted he was, no matter how heart-sore or how he wished for one day he could just stop, it tugged at him. It awoke him from a sound sleep next to his beloved. And no matter how much his heart wanted to stay here forever, his Calling would not be ignored.
As silently as he could, Angel arose from the bed. He dressed in the darkness, trying to ignore his emotions just as he’d ignored the Calling earlier in the evening. He wasn’t much more successful at that attempt, either.
He never knew anymore how long he would be in any one place or where he would be from one day to the next. He had absolutely no control over his life. And though he told no one, that terrified him.
“Angel?”
Angel froze in the midst of buttoning his shirt. He looked over his shoulder at Buffy, her hair mussed and her expression tired. Her eyes went wide.
“You’re leaving,” she said simply.
Angel swallowed. “Yes,” he whispered.
“Where are you going?”
“I don’t know,” Angel admitted. “I’ll know it when I get there.”
“When will you return?” Her voice was...heartbreaking.
“I don’t know.”
Angel could not look at her any longer, at the tears threatening to spill from her eyes that he could not possibly assuage. He tried to focus on the buttons of his shirt and not on the slight hitching of her breath.
“Angel...” she said after a moment.
“Don’t,” Angel interrupted, a bit more harshly than he’s intended.
“What?”
“Don’t ask me to stay,” Angel said hoarsely, his own tears threatening as well.
“I...” her breath caught in a sob. “I don’t know if I can do this anymore, Angel!” she exclaimed.
Her sadness nearly tore him apart. Why can’t we have just one day? Just one? He swallowed hard. Maybe he should have let her let him go, all those years ago. He couldn’t admit that, though. He needed every moment he could get. “I don’t know if I can either,” he whispered, not knowing nor caring whether she heard him.
“Angel...”
Fully dressed, Angel faced her again. “Don’t,” he said. “Don’t ever say goodbye. Please.”
She sniffled. “Then what? Until when?” she managed.
Angel came to her side, reaching out gently to caress her face. “I don’t know,” he said again, and kissed her ever so gently. The barest touching of lips before he pulled away.
“Stay,” she whispered into his lips as he withdrew from her.
“Forever, if I could,” Angel whispered back.
“But you can’t.”
“I’m needed,” he replied.
“You’re needed here,” she pointed out.
Angel stood tall, turning away from her. He took a deep breath, steeling himself for what he had to do. “I love you,” he said without looking at her, then left the room before he could hear her reply.
He could hear her sobs though, even through the closed door. They tore his heart into pieces.
The voices in my head get
cranky when I don't get feedback.
Back
to Cynamin's Fan Fiction