I am a Big Beautiful Woman and I love myself! I wouldn't get rid of my fat for any amount of money. It has taken me a while to feel this way about myself, but now that I've gotten this far in building my self esteem and trying to accept my size, I am now convinced that if something happened that I lost my extra weight, I wouldn't be nearly as happy with myself as I am right now.

 

I began gaining weight after a surgery when I was 7 years old. Even at that young age, society's attitude that fat is unacceptable was already being drilled into my head. I can vividly recall standing on our bathroom scale at the age of 7 or 8 and the scale hitting 100 lbs. I thought in my head "100 lbs. I need to lose some weight. And I didn't look fat either!

 

Up until the age of 13, I kept on gaining weight. I was feeling very fat and unpretty, so i put myself on a diet and exercise regime and i lost 20 lbs. But, alas! My joy was to be short lived. I developed a foot problem which required me to stop exercising. Back came that 20 pounds and a couple of its friends. I began to feel mad at myself for gaining the weight back. I'd think that if I lost 20, 30, 40 pounds all my problems would be solved. So, at the age of 15 I joined weight watchers. Not to be healthier, but because I had a dream of being a model. I wanted to be the next Kate Moss.

 

So, after 6 months of being in weight watchers i watched my weight go from 190(on a 5'3" body) to my present 160 pounds. In those 6 months there was an important change in my lifestyle: I quit watching fashion shows on television and I began watching old movies from the 40's and 50's and became a big Marilyn Monroe fan. Then after several months of not watching the fashion shows, I decided to watch one and you know what? By the time that I had to change the channel, I was physically hurting from looking at those sick females. It was then that I dropped Kate Moss completely from my list of roll models(of which she was the only one) and put Marilyn at the top.

 

I guess that I should get to my point now. What is wrong with a society that puts its feminine ideal body image out as that of a sickly, pre-adolescent boy. I have since found more role models. The newest one being Mae West. One of her many great quotes has made me finally feel like the godded that I am and, although some might not like it, I am perfectly happy with myself and have not regained any weight. Here it goes:

Too much of a good thing is wonderful!

Mae certainly knew what she was talking about.

 

P.S. Please forgive me for rambling, but if my ramblings have helped at least one person feel even a little bit happier about themselves, than I'm happy. Feel free to e-mail me if you have anything positive to say.

You can e-mail Sarah at:

SABETH2782@aol.com

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