I almost gave up today!


I was returning from a business trip. A very successful trip I might add. I had accomplished every goal I was tasked. Frankly, I had been brilliant and there were a few flashes of true genius, but all of that was irrelevant now.

I couldn't get the seatbelt around my belly. I'm not surprised. My pants are fitting a little tight and did recall squeezing into a movie seat a couple weeks ago.



My name is Michael, and I am fat.

I am 27 years old. I own a home. I am having what would be considered by most a stellar career. I am a good father. I believe in God. But, all of this means nothing at this moment.

I can't get the airline seatbelt to connect. Why? Well, that's a story for another day. Let's deal with this moment for now.



I used to be chubby. I have dieted. I have exercised, but somehow, I am back at my heaviest weight AGAIN! I weigh 320 lbs.

No big deal right? I have been 320 before. But this time 320 is different. I'll try to explain it. This time 320 is in my belly. 320 is in my shoulder blades. I guess this time it's distributed differently.

I am spilling into the seat next to me. This is embarrassing. Well, maybe the flight won't be full and no one will want to sit there. Of course, this is the 5:30 commuter flight, so of course that is a pipe dream.

Maybe I could drive. Driving would only take eight hours.



A woman did sit next to me. Of course, the first thing she did was try to put the arm rest down. You know what I'm talking about… it's the thingie that separates the airline seats and it also has a button on it that allows you to recline the seat. When she pulled it down, it went into my shoulder blade.

I heard her make a noise. Retrospectively, it was a noise of shock. When she realized that I was too fat to put the armrest down, she immediately abandoned the attempt and made the best of it.

By this time, I was already pretending to be asleep. I had a feeling of sheer terror. I knew that any minute now, a stewardess was going to come over and say, "Sir, please fasten your seatbelt."

Of course, I was going to have to say, "Excuse me, can I have the extension?"

In combination, I believe those are seven of the most embarrassing words known to man. If you have never asked for a seatbelt extension, and don't know what it is, allow me to explain. An airline seatbelt extension is the thingie they use to demonstrate how to buckle your seatbelt. Its about 8 inches long and for those of us in the world who are too fat to get the regular seatbelt around themselves, this is the remedy.



Frankly, I would rather fly without my seatbelt and that's what I chose to do. I pulled a real estate trade magazine I had packed for reading out of my bag and draped it over the buckle that lay in my lap and then I continued to fake being asleep.

Would anyone notice?

Would anyone care?

Maybe the stewardess would take pity on me and not say anything. I mean, its not like I'm the first fat guy to ever not fit in the seat, right?

Needless to say, I did actually fall asleep. I missed the free soda and I didn't get any peanuts. I did manage to avoid the embarrassment of announcing to everyone within earshot, "EXCUSE ME. I AM SO FAT THAT I CAN NOT USE THE STANDARD SEATBELT."



As I write this, I think of how foolish I was. I risked my life to avoid a little embarrassment. What if the plane had crashed while I was asleep? What if we had hit an air pocket and I had been hurled out of my seat. I could have injured someone.

Did I think about that??? NOOOO. I was too busy being embarrassed.

I shouldn't have to go through this. This is ridiculous. And I guess my next thought should be what am I going to do about it.

Hmmm... I could change the world. I could petition airlines and movie theaters everywhere. They should start making seats and things larger. There should be more consideration for fat people. I am fat. The world should make room for me.

But, if I do that (make the world change for me) Am I not saying to the world that I am handicapped - That I need special treatment - That the world is slanted against me because I am genetically predisposed to be this size. I don't think so.

Is this the correct answer???





Perhaps I should change myself. I could stand to lose a few. Might even improve my love life, who knows?

But, what about other people in the world who are like me? Should they be forced to fit into a world where an airline or a movie theater seat decides what the acceptable waist size is? I don't think so.

Is there a right answer? Probably not. This is another one of life cruel jokes isn't it?



I don't know what I am going to do. I do know one thing. I am never going to be embarrassed about who I am ever again. Regardless of my size, I am a child of God. Maybe if I had spoken up, it would have made an impact. Perhaps on someone around me, or perhaps on the airline, who knows.

But, I will never again be ashamed of who I am. I am fat. Maybe one day I wont be or maybe I will gain even more weight. Regardless, this is who I am today. If I don't accept myself and love myself and cherish myself for exactly who I am, how can I expect anyone else to?

Something to think about, huh?


Regarding the extension belt... I don't need it, but I did have a flight attendant on a trip in France (figures, right?) actually have the audacity to ask me if she should get one for me!!! I had plenty of room left on the belt. Can you believe that? I was completely mortified, but fortunately the flight wasn't that full. I could have killed her. Some people are just so rude, its really a shame!




SoshBfly@aol.com