Vicky Story

Dear Jessica, My name is Vicky and I am 24 years old. I weigh 300 lbs. I have always been heavy. I have always been put down and insulted by others who don't know me (and some who did!). And I have always had a smile on my face or something funny to say.



I never considered myself to be "overweight" or "pleasantly plump" as one teacher told me. Everytime I went to the doctor for tonsilitits or foot pains or a cold, I was given the same speech,"...Vicky, I know you are still growing and some children lose their 'baby fat' later than others. However, you are too heavy for your age and size. I suggest you diet to lose the weight." Ok, Einstein, How?! I am told by my mother, my step-father, my few friends and half of the entire faculty at four different schools that I am too large or too rotund. Most of these people should practice what they preach, I've found. Anyway, I found it odd that everyone was so full of adjectives for my physical appearance but no compliments on my grades or my humor or anything else. I also thought it funny that no one offered advice such as what to eat or what exercises to do ( other than gym class). So much apathy for the "fat girl" but no ideas on how to lose the weight.



Like others, I have been on numerous diets. The first diet I was on was the Dexatrim diet pill. I was 8 years old and in the 3rd grade. I was very shy at school and was constantly harrassed at school and on the bus. My mother got mad at the kids at school and would always "fight my battles for me". And yet, she criticized me at home. "Those pants are too tight for you." or, "Vicky, you need a larger size in that." and my favorite,"This dress makes you look fat." I wanted to tell her,"Guess what? I AM fat!!"



I don't really know why I am overweight. I am not sure about my metabolism, if it exists. My family is not heavy but they aren't direct descendants of Olive Oyl, either. I know how it got started, though. I was 4 years old when my father was killed on the job. My mother became an alcoholic and a "pill-popper" for a year or so. I was not supervised well and I overate. I ate when I was bored, hungry, with neighbors and with family. Food WAS a source of comfort. When we ate, we were together as a family and I liked those times. I still do. Then, she remarried and had my baby brother. We moved to Texas in '82 and have been here ever since.



I have also been on the "Herbalife diet", "Weight Watchers", "NutriSystem" and "Phen-Fen". The worst one was "Herbalife". Oh God! It was disgusting. I had to drink these green herbal shakes and take pills that smelled as if the main ingredient was raw sewage. I had to put these protein herbs in the regular food I ate. That was a real treat! Imagine eating Hamburger Helper mixed with herbs that smelled and tasted so bad you wanted to vomit.



The only time I ever lost any weight was when my mother and I were fighting, as parents and teenagers do. She threw me out of the house when I was 17. I lived with a friend, who was also overweight. I was so depressed that summer, I wouldn't eat. I was never hungry. I started out at 267 lbs. and 3 months later, I weighed 205. I couldn't believe it! I was so happy. My mother and I were speaking to each other and I started to gain weight. It was slowly at first. But when I would visit her, I would be overwhelmed with cakes, cookies, candy, fattening foods (like porkchops). I didn't realize it until I moved back home that I weighed 300 lbs. I nearly put a gun to my head. I was depressed. I was scared. I was....huge. Never in my life have I ever actually felt "fat". I did then. I walked with my head down and I was embarrassed. I wanted to die.



I moped for months and suddenly I figured that I was the source of my misery. If I wanted to be thin, I would have to work at it or else forget it. You know, put up or shut up. So, I thought I would try hard at it. I took Phen-Fen and I lost about 10 lbs. when the news came out about heart disease. I stopped immediately taking the medicine and I decided that if I was going to lose the weight, I would have to change my entire way of life. Well, I really haven't changed because I like who I am. I am not a horrible person. I am, simply, fat. And so what? Like I have always said, "If you don't like the way I look, leave!"



Being heavy isn't a picnic. I get stared at in the mall. I get picked on by show-offs with low-self esteem and I have a hard tome finding decent clothes at a reasonable price. I also know about the health risks. I am not experiencing problems now. I don't even waddle when I walk. In my mind, I am as svelte as any woman can be!



In the mirror, I see a beautiful young woman who has her head on her shoulders and lives everyday for what it is. A miracle. It doesn't matter what size you are or what color you are. We should be thankful we are here and not some fossilized bacteria under a rock. It's upsetting to think what we teach children and how we act to each other. I only hope that people will come to understand each other and see what's on the inside forgetting the differences on the outside.

Sincerely,
Vicky


You can contact Vicky at CAMARO1969@prodigy.net





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