I had just turned sixteen years old when I met him.  We started dating in January 1994 and of course he was Prince Charming in my eyes.  He was 20. He had just gotten discharged from the Marine Corp.  for medical reasons and I thought that I was something special dating a "Marine".  
    Things went well for the first few months.  Nothing unusual.  He was a little protective and at times somewhat jealous, but I thought that was just because he loved me and didn't want to lose me.  At the time it was kind of sweet and cute.  Then, it turned into complete control.  I couldn't go out with my friends.  He would drive me wherever I had to go and he would see who was there before I was "allowed" to stay.  At the time I didn't think anything of it.  Things grew very serious between us and we were inseparable.  There were arguments about things like who I could hang out with and when I could hang out with them as oppossed to his freedom, but again, I thought nothing of it.  Just like I thought nothing of the occasional put down or push.
    At one point we got into an argument and I broke up with him.  He called me one night and told me that he hoped I had a good life because his was over and then he hung up on me.  I didn't understand what he said so I just let it go.  The next morning I went to his house and he was there in a puddle of blood.  Still alive, but he had tried to slice his wrists and overdose on some of his mothers prescribed medication.  I realize now that is was a tactic.  Then I thought that I had to stay with him.  He needed me.
    In October, he was kicked out of his house.  My parents let him move into our house for what was supposed to be a couple of weeks.  Until he got himself a job and an apartment.  It was April of the following year before my parents were sick of us arguing and told him he had to find an apartment and move out.  It wasn't on bad terms or anything, but he had to move out.  So he did.
    That was when things got really bad.  We fought all the time.  He was always putting me down and telling me nobody else would ever have me.  Things were growing progressivly worse with every passing day. 
    One day he was mad at me.  Instead of staying at his apartment and dealing with the abuse, I headed back to my house.  I stopped at the local convenience store for a pack of cigarettes.  When I came out of the store he was parked next to my car.  He accussed me of sleeping with the gas attendant that was working there and he acussed me of sleeping with the police officer that was parked across the street.  With tears streaming down my face and a constant screaming battle between us, he grabbed my neck and held me down on my car choking me to the point I couldn't breath let alone argue back.  When he let me up he kicked a dent into my car and left the parkind lot.  I went to his mothers house because I couldn't let my family know what was going on.  I told his mother and sister what happened and they were very supportive of me.  He showed up at the house and his mother had a talk with the both of us.  As usual, he apologized and told me it would never happen again.  And as usual...I fell for it.  And the s aga continued.  The police officer that was parked across the street never did anything.  THe people in the parking lot didn't do anything.  So I just figured that in my mind I was exaggerating and if nobody else thought anything was wrong then it probably wasn't a big deal.
    Time passed and I put up with the same thing every day.  Fear of what kind of mood he was going to be in.  Fear of how bad his mood was going to be.  Wondering whether I was going to just be put down or hit too. 
     It was in December 1996 when it had finally reached it's peak, or so I thought.  I had gone to his apartment to get my things.  I had some of my friends with me.  I didn't make it out of the car.  He saw me through the window and came out.  He reached into my car and took the face plate off of my car stereo so that I would get out.  It worked.  I got out.  He had given me a ring about a year before and he wanted it back.  I told him that I didn't have it.  He argued with me for a few minutes and before I knew it, the argument went upstairs to his apartment.  I don't remember what happened exactly, but I do remember him yelling at me and then he pushed me into a wall and onto the floor.  I remember him grabbing my hair and slamming my head into the ground.  I then heard the words "You are going for a free ride now bitch".  Then, he picked me up by my shirt and proceeded to throw me down the three flights of stairs from his apartment doorway.
    Luckily, a few of my friends had heard him yelling at me and got scared enough that they came up the stairs just in time to break my fall.  My friends drove me to the police department that was seconds down the street.  I had no choice but to go in and report what had happened.  He was arressted that day and I had a restraining order put on him immediatly.  While in the courthouse his family had threatened me too so his family and friends were all added to the order. 
    On December 31, 1996 a jumbo coloring book page was placed on the windshield of my car.  It was a fully colored picture of Snow White in her coffin.  I didn't know what to make of it and I had no  idea who would have put it there so I dismissed it.  Exactly one week later I was out with a friend of mine.  We drove by my ex-boyfriend.  Needless to say we were chased on back roads and followed for miles until he finally had the opportunity to drive to the side of the car, slam into us and run us off the road.  It was at that point that I realized how serious this situation really was.  He didn't car if I was dead or alive.  He was arressted again that night and spent the weekend in jail.  It was no coincidence that the picture was left on my car one week before the "accident". 
    Time and time again, he appeared to torment me.  We went to court that following April and he pleaded guilty, but was not imprisoned for what he had done.  He had violated the restraining order on more than one occasion and we ended up in court again.  Again, he was warned and released. 
    My parents wanted me to move out of the area for a while.  It was my senior year in high school and I refused to let him get the best of me again.  I was going to stay and just keep calling the police and the probation officer.  There had to be extra  police security the night of graduation because he swore he was going to come to my graduation. 
    Violation after violation, threat after threat, he is still free and living in the same town.  He has laid off now that he has a new girlfriend/victim and a child.  I still wonder if he is going to come after me again.  I still look behind me everywhere I go.  I hold my breath whenever I drive past him on the street which happens often in this small town.  Yes, I still have nightmares. 
    No matter how much fear I live in, I know I am safer now than I ever was when I was with him.  I don't know if I would still be alive if I stayed with him.  That is one of the scariest thoughts I have.  I thank my lucky stars every day that I got out of that situation. 
    If there is anybody out there who is in a situation or relationship that you are being abused whether it is mental, physical or sexual, the best thing you could possibly do to protect yourself is get out.  Do whatever you can to leave. 

If you should need to talk to someone and wish to contact me my e-mail address is: deluca@ma.ultranet.com  my ICQ# is 5054961.
    Please, if you should want to talk about anything at all, if you just need a friend or an ear to listen to you, I am here for you and would love to talk to you. 
    Thank you for listening to my story.  It always feels better when I can talk to someone about it.  Maybe you would feel better if you could talk about it too!!!!